The Mumsnet Commandments of Housekeeping

[Bitchfromhell]

1. Thou shalt not bleach thine pants.

No matter if they are your good m&s ones, and even if they are quite new and only a little bit grey. Thou shalt invoke the wrath of thine fanjo no matter how well thou thinkest they have been rinsed.

Please add your own Housekeeping Commandments, borne out of bitter experience, as a checklist for those of us hard of brain cell. And so I don't feel quite so alone in my idiocy.

And on the nineteenth day ye shalt gather together in ceremonial , and .

With the bag of black and the glove of yellow all shalt gingerly take the devil's contraption that browns and blackens the heart of wholesome bread.

And ye shalt chuckith it.

For it is written that even she who doth dutifully hoover the mattress by order of mumsnet, inherits no immunity, neither to the massive weevil of flour, nor to the maurading masses of mites of toast.

And so it came to pass that Avocados were once more returned to their rightful place. On a plate. With no fuckingith about with them.

And this was good.

Thou shalt not washeth thine undergarments with thine Egyptian Cotton towels as poo crumbs will forever plague your house.

❤️

If thou shall find thyself blessed with the house of holiday in yonder Mexico, thy must fear thy neighbour verily.

For it shall come to pass that thy neighbour hath availed himself of your lodgings and with no mention thereof. But he shall not have the knowledge of his failings - No! Rathermore he shall impress upon thee his worthiness and goodness of heart, for he has indeed been the protector of thine property in your desertion.

Here endeth the parable of thine Cheeky Fucker.