To ask what sort of voices your pets have when they speak

[kitnkaboodle]

...shamelessly ripping this off from a thread the other week that started off on something else and then turned, in the middle of the night, into people saying how they voice their pets. Had me crying with laughter and need more!
Our dog speaks in a sort of faux-posh voice, like hyacinth bouquet. She would definitely say 'naice'. She also lisps and pronounces -y at the end of words like 'eh' - so 'mummeh' and 'hungreh' etc. God knows why! She's 12 so the origins of all this are lotht n the mithth of taime, as she'd say ...

Donald how do you bloody know? What a barrel of laughs you must be

Cat 1 speaks in a fairly neutral but demanding way. She thinks she's the Boss of our household and says things like "what is it you desire of me, human?" When we pick her up she is often "most displeased".

Cat 2 is a kitten and is a wee ginger ned. She says things like "awreeet pals!" When she sees us.

This is reflected in the instagram account where we document their activities - cat 1s photo captions are worthy of the national gallery. Cat 2s captions are gramatically challenged and all Ss are Zs

Whooooo totally nuts and so funny

Great thread

colours my army veteran dad would love that

Ona slight aside, the fox in Percy the Park Keeper talks like Terry Thomas, the squirrels are aggressive Glaswegians and the mole is a slow brummie. Fact.

Incidentally my dcat sounds like Sally Field and thinks every human ever is her underling

Oh,and the mice are cockney.

OldCat sounds like Stephen Fry.

GingerCat sounds like James Corden.

PrincessCat sounds like Peppa Pig

DivCat sounds like Patrick out of SpongeBob. Just way less intelligent.

Almost all of our cats, over many many years have been mexican bandits, cheesy fake ones from old westerns. So they say things like "Aha gringo, you theeenk you are making me purr weeth the rubbing of the hands on the seeelky fur, but really It am making evil plans, and later I week sheeeet in your shoes"
The exceptions have been a quite sweary large Scottish male who fancied his chances with the ladies, the furniture, household appliances etc..
And a very louche Tom we still own who pretty much only says " Oh for fucks sake" but he really works it to mean just about everything.

I feel a bit boring, our two boy cats voices are just based off of how they meow . One is high pitched, loud, demanding, and a little whiny, the other is still fairly high pitched but calm, polite and raspy. They talk a bit like children as well as they are only 1 year old and we still see them as kittens

Our cat's an Eastender. He's very rude. He says things like, 'Feed me or I'll 'ave yer eyes,' and 'Shut it, or I'll eat yer wife.'
And he lies and complains a lot. If DH asks the cat if I've fed him, he says, 'No she never. She starves me. Bleedin liberty.'
In real life he's very gentle and purry and loving. It just makes us laugh - the differemce between how he behaves and what is going on in his head.

SootDog used to sound like a gormless idiot, lots of 'Uhhhhh.......Okay' but recently he's adopted the Moose 'What doing?' Credit score advert voice.

SootCat deigns to speak to us in a bored, posh girl drawl.

SootChicken is a fucking psycho nutter. She sounds just like me

Our older girl styles herself on Margaret Thatcher with bow tie tops, handbags and sensible heeled shoes. She runs for local government and sits on or chairs several committees. To relax she sips whiskey, smokes cigars and builds space ships and spy planes, which she flies around on top secret government missions and in the exploration of other worlds. Her voice is deep.

Our other girl has many hats as well. She has a tool belt, which we think is for moonlighting as dog of all trades, drives a bus and is second in command as head of house when older girl is away on a mission. Her voice is high pitched and she mostly says "what?".

Old tortie cat was proper old school East End gangster - lots of growly Cockney rhyming slang and forever offering me a monkey if I'd send the postie to swim with the fishes.

I'm almost glad she's not with us now, otherwise there would be a bloody turf war with Reggie and Ronnie, the squirrels that have moved into her old patch at the end of the garden.

GinDog has the voice of a whiny 4 year old. Normally saying things like 'but the back dooooooor creaked. I'm scaaaaaared of the back door. I don't waaaaaant my dinner by the back door'

GinCat has a deep, gruff, slightly nasely voice. Similar to that of an 80 year old overweight smoker. He also sounds cross a lot of the time. When I pick him up and give him a great big cuddle, DP will mimic him by saying 'put. me. doooooooown' in a low grumble.

My lovely departed kitty boy who I lost last year had a silly French accent like the policeman from "ello ello" but high pitched cos he was so tiny all his life. He was completely bonkers.

"oh you are home! Wher Haz u been? I'm am veeeery hungery!" "ze moose is fur yuuu, I Haz killed it"

The guineapigs talk in super fast voices and think everything is food 'this food? Me eat this? Yes me eat this!

They call us 'mummy', 'the boy', 'the girl' and 'the man', or if we aren't doing what they tell us they call us 'pesky humans'

My big bruiser cat has giant boxing paws and speaks like a feline Chris Eubank

She is professionally disappointed to have ended up where she has ended up.

This is our cat Fur Ladyship is. Sometimes she says in her haughty Russian accent 'you should have seen how we lived in the old country' , or in happier moments will reminise about the balls at the winter, before sighing ' oh dear, dear Nicky'

Her high handed attitudes to her two human servants speaks of a life spent firstly in the lap of luxury and secondly in thwarted exile, but conceals (I kid myself) a deep well of affection.

Our little ball of hate has a Hannibal lector voice despite being female.

Perhaps all the Russian aristocrats were actually reincarnated as cats?? Would explain why they are so aloof.

My elder female has a deep gravelly drawly voice like a disdainful and languid Marlene Dietrich and yes, she generally 'vontz to be an only cat alone'. Male cat has a breathy, ingratiating, placatory tone with a Spanish accent like Manuel from Fawlty Towers. Junior female is 'totally like OMG' California Valley Girl with rising question tone AND vocal fry.

Bun 1 sounds like Dug from Up. Bun 2 sounds like Marvin (miserable Alan Rickman) from The Hitchhikers Guide. Definitely reflected from their personalities!

Dog is a staffy so she has a Brummie accent. As have all our past staffies. My late English Bull Terrier was Crufts qualified so she had a very posh RP accent.

My horse is a 'rather posh' fellow who refers to me and my dd as 'carers' or sometimes 'stupid humans' in public however is more than willing to swear like a sailor when no one is about. He was bred very well 'you know' but now due to hard taimes, resides in a field paddock dearie with a little twatting Shetland (imagine disgusted lip curl) for company.
He does tell me to fuck off regularly when I'd like to catch him though