To ask what sort of voices your pets have when they speak

[kitnkaboodle]

...shamelessly ripping this off from a thread the other week that started off on something else and then turned, in the middle of the night, into people saying how they voice their pets. Had me crying with laughter and need more!
Our dog speaks in a sort of faux-posh voice, like hyacinth bouquet. She would definitely say 'naice'. She also lisps and pronounces -y at the end of words like 'eh' - so 'mummeh' and 'hungreh' etc. God knows why! She's 12 so the origins of all this are lotht n the mithth of taime, as she'd say ...

of my cats -

Olaf - a cross between Dr Nic and The Crack Fox - camp with a hint of menace

Spock - James Bond

Bonnie - a breathy girly voice

Bernard - Kevin the teenager

Foxy - an 80's year old ex prostitute who still smokes 40 a day

you did ask!

actually - Foxy is Estel from Friends!

Obviously Zsa Zsa Gabor.

We have two cats, both black.
One has an Irish accent and swears terribly (he just told my DH that DH smells of stale spunk)
The other speaks like an Alaskan logger. He uses very few words, is growly and very direct and to the point - being very blunt and boorish.

They quite often tell each of us things about the other person. So Irish cat will tell me "DH has left his feckin socks on the floor again". Whereas logger cat tells me to tell DH to "move them".

My cat speaks in a very posh, slightly disdainful voice. She calls me Mother, even though I'm merely staff, and expects a high level of service at all times.

Black and white mog boy has 2 voices, depending on mood. Whispery, sinister spanish accent, "I no cat. I am cheeekeen, bwark." (He hung out with the chickens as a kitten in his previous abode.) His other voice is a faux posh accent, with whingey undertones.

Little Devon Rex boy has an upbeat Californian accent, and mostly shouts "Whatcha doin'?! Awesooomme!" and "Gimme five!" If he lived near the beach, he'd learn to surf.

CharlieAlphaTango is very vocal so I don't have to imagine his voice. His vocabulary is limited. Now, Now, Now, Now! is one of his favourite phrases.

Seamus, is an Irish rescue cat of course talks with an Irish accent, and says "feck" a lot. He, in reality, is very vocal but I cant understand feline gaelic!
Polly , the female, has a voice like Gladys Pugh (from Heidi Hi)

Our cockatiels actually "talk" but they sound suspiciously like me, seeing as I was the one who taught them to speak!
The goldfish Hugo and Harry sound strangely enough like Hugo Lloris and Harry Kane.

Catface has a very posh voice but I imagine swears a lot.

Two guinea pig boars. I imagine that they have Spanish accents (like the kitchen towel man) I think that they are quite butch and like the ladies (they run away from dh even when he has food). However dh also has the job of lubricating their grease gland (yes it's a thing) and I do think they like this a little bit too much

One of my cats has a Russian accent. I don't know why, we got her from Aberdare.

The other one is just a bit posh.

DDog 1 has a long-suffering Yorkshireman schtick going on. DS1 voices him and has me crying with laughter with Ddog's gentle exasperation with the other two dogs.

DDog 2 is The Dude from The Big Lebowski.

DDog 3 is an over-excitable Noo Yoiker. Although she's a Boston Terrier.

My dog is a high pitched queaky twat that can't hold a conversation because she has the attention span of a goldfish. She also wouldn't be a very good food critic as her outlook on food is grim, her favourite snack seems to be balloons

Posh but dim. It totally cracks me up.
DS who has autism started it and every time I wet myself laughing.

Fatcat1 is vair vair middle class, he only responds to Edward (totally not his name) and enjoys loking down on people very much. He's a pipe and slippers, brexit supporter who voted Tory
Twatcat2 is spanish and speaks suggstively and seductively. She has such charm she manages to lure many a small animal to their death. She's the village Siren

Boy cat sounds like Snake from the Simpsons except for when he doesn't like something then he speaks with northern accent "I don't liiiilke it." He spends his our door time at a secret snooker club smoking fancy cigars and discussing territory politics.

Girl cat is more intelligent than boy cat but likes the give the impression that she is a bit daft and vulnerable. She speaks with a slight lisp, more so when she is manipulating her slaves (me and DH). She spends her time trying to find out where the secret snooker club is. And frequently asks the boy cat where the outside litter tray is, as she always dashes in from outside to use the litter tray. She thinks that he keeps this a secret too, but has misinterpreted his answer.

Litter tray conversation:
"Boy cat, where is the outside litter tray?""

He replies "anywhere you want it to be"

She "stop being the Dalai Llama and tell me!"

Me and DH clearly have far too much time on our hands.

Vicious aggressive Ddog has a sweet, breathy, spoilt little girl voice and a slight stammer as she is nervous, but her language is dreadful.

"Um, I am vewy vewy hungry so fetch my dinner you insufferable fat fuckwit."

2 ragdoll cats, brother and sister. Both are very very posh - with very thick french accents.

Boy cat's name has morphed over the last 7 years into Monsieur Poo Poo (from Augustus ) He refers to himself only in the third person:

''Monsieur P' Poo can see you through the window. He wishes to come in now ...''

Sister cat is very refined, constantly irritated by her brother and much more intelligent than him. This last bit is not made up it's true

Fluffy cat has Mexican accent and ginger Tom sounds like gok wan.

My cat talks in a really common voice and her language is obscene. She regularly calls us bastards and cunts and frequently tells me to fuck off. If I give her food she doesn't like she says 'What's this pile of shit you've given me?'.

I think this vid really nails the doggy voice... m.youtube.com/watch?v=wKXOLPmfr6k

My crufts heritage pedigree cocker, despite being Swissborn, he sounds like an east end gangster, a bit Phil Mitchell mixed with lock stock. He says "wots 'appnin' a lot. And "ah like cheese"

2 cats ones got a really posh British accent the others Spanish 😊

2 rabbits. Very upper class. I often think theyd suit top hats and monacles.
But by Christ do they talk about shagging a lot!

Paddycat sounds like Joanna Lumley.

We used to do voices for dd and still do a voice for ds, both sound/sounded like Danny Dyer. (We're from Yorkshire.)