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This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
MummyDuckAndDuckling · 12/06/2013 23:06

Just lovely Smile

BabylonReturns · 12/06/2013 23:29

Wow. That is all Grin

Selba · 12/06/2013 23:49

Cool !

Masterchuff · 13/06/2013 17:20

Please do come back & update after your visit!

Frawli · 13/06/2013 18:20

Congratulations Missymoo! What a lovely thread. Hope all goes well with the big meet :)

BerryLellow · 13/06/2013 18:39

I've come to this via the MN email - it's lovely, well done all of you.

Happy Father's Day for Sunday MissyMoo!

'MN FOUND MY DADDY'

TweenageAngst · 13/06/2013 18:44

What a lovely, lovely thread.
No really it's hayfever.....

MissMarplesBloomers · 13/06/2013 19:19

You made the Parenting News MissyMoo Grin

CrowsLanding · 13/06/2013 19:21

Wow just wow! I'm so happy for you op Thanks

MrsPurple · 13/06/2013 19:23

Just read this through and am so pleased for you Missy. You must feel like all your christmass at once.

With regard to your cousin Gerard Butler Wink you could contact him via his manager famous-relationships.topsynergy.com/Gerard_Butler/Contact.asp lol.

So pleased for you.

bushbabyblues · 13/06/2013 19:24

Delurking to wish you and your dad well and tell you this is the best thread EVER

dublindee · 13/06/2013 20:25

Oh wow. The mumsnet email directed me here and I've just read the whole thread from start to finish. My boys think I'm demented. I've been muttering whopping and crying like a fool reading this!!

Massive congrats and have a wonderful Fathers Day with your Daddy xxxxxx

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 13/06/2013 20:32

Oh wow, every time I come on here I end up overwhelmed with the kidness and good wishes people are showing towards me (and my Dad Grin ).

I have done the album for him, I just put in a few pictures for now, one of each of the children and a couple of me and my husband when we got married and have written a bit underneath them, I also bought a card (first one I have ever bought for my Dad) which was a bit of a surreal experience really, and more difficult than I thought.

I should be getting some pictures tomorrow of myself and various relatives, my Dad posted them yesterday so, finally, I will have pictures to show the kids of me when I was a child, and my cousin is going to scan a load of pictures that my Auntie has onto CD for me so I can keep them forever. He said it will probably take about a week there are so many of them.

I haven't told my kids a lot of what has went on, I wasn't sure if I would find my Dad, and if I did I wasn't sure he would be happy, they know I have found him now but they haven't really equated my Dad as their Grandad yet. I'm going to see how it all goes next weekend before I have the chat with them and get them involved, although he did ask to speak with my 3yo dd when he heard her in the background one of the times he called, she asked if he was pinnochio then announced she needed a wee haha.

Thank you for that link MrsPurple that is indeed my second cousin twice removed Grin I shall try and track him down with that information but there is no way I will update with how it goes when I find him Wink

Once again (and I will keep saying it) thank you to you all, everyone who has posted, PM'd, helped, shared stories, delurked, wished me luck and been generally supportive and lovely I appreciate every single one of you and really really can't thank you enough. For all these people who I have never met to have helped me find my family and supported me in doing so.... I just can't express my gratitude enough. Thanks Thanks Thanks

OP posts:
MrsPurple · 13/06/2013 21:16

Sobbing here, its such a lovely story and makes you realise the kindness that still exists in this mad mad world. Let us all know how it goes and if you do speak to a Gerard let him know I'm a big fan Wink

WandaDoff · 13/06/2013 21:54

I traced some family through the magic of the internet a few years ago & it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I hope your new family brings as much joy to you as mine has to me.

Thanks
TrucksAndDinosaurs · 13/06/2013 23:54

Thread of the year! :) not just on MN but on the whole damn internet

Paddlinglikehell · 13/06/2013 23:57

Had this on watch, come back after several days and result!!!

So pleased for you all. Have a wonderful weekend.

X

drr · 14/06/2013 00:14

Fantastic missy. Just read whole thread. Now to wake up dh to tell him your story.

ZillionChocolate · 14/06/2013 08:10

Thrilled for you OP. Must be difficult to be cautious as it's all going so well so far. Just in time for Father's Day too, it's brilliant!

FruOla · 14/06/2013 08:55

Good luck for this Sunday, Missy.

MrsPennyapple · 14/06/2013 09:39

Wow, amazing ! I've been. Lurking but had nothing useful to contribute. So glad you've found him and can finally get to know him. ((Hugs))

NewLifeDownSouth · 14/06/2013 22:53

Just wanted to wish you masses of luck for this weekend. What a brilliant result! Unbelievable!

oldnewmummy · 15/06/2013 04:56

That pollen must be strong, as it's making me well up all the way in Australia.

Well done, Missy - fabulous news!

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 15/06/2013 18:30

Thinking of you tonight, you must be so excited, but apprehensive too.

Lots and lots of luckMissy.