I think my baby must have a wonky widget

[McPhee]

because it never ruddy sleeps!! I've had possession of this tiny human for 11 weeks now. I thought maybe it was jetlagged, or had settling in issues. You know, like when you get a new freezer?

But...mine keeps running on maximum speed, but the battery doesn't seem to discharge at a 'normal' rate? Some bugger installed a dynamo in mine

Seriously. Is mine faulty?? Can I disconnect the Dynamo?

Does yours sleep, and if so how many hours during the day

I have a latest 2012 edition but it seems to be missing some software and I have difficulty operating the standby mode. It also needs to be plugged into the docking station multiple times a day. This is not so much an issue but the real problem is the built in SatNav in this new model. Once taken out in the car it goes onto standby but as soon as the vehicle is parked it realises that it has reached its destination and the eyes ping back open again. How do I turn off the internal alarm?

I really wish now that I'd purchased the extended warranties on all of mine. As new appliances under the initial 2 year guarantee (they were John Lewis babies) they were pretty much malfunction free, but as they've got older they've become increasingly unreliable and they cost me a fortune in endless maintenance costs. One of them appears to have no memory at all, and his wiring is definitely dodgy. To be honest it would probably be cheaper to chuck 'em out and get new ones, but I've become strangely attached to them, in spite of everything.

My first model is pushing twenty years old now, and it's very temperamental. It stays in sleep mode most of the time, and you have to kick it or whack it on the side to make it move.

My 2011 version has broken speakers - keeps making very sharp piercing noise's, it's at its worse when i'm trying to take any type of control - seems fine when on auto-pilot!
I consulted the handbook which said: "common after 12months, sound quality may start to improve after 3yrs".

My 2001 model has been hacked! It's been uprgaded ahead of time and the colour display has changed to monochrome.

Sleep mode still takes a while to kick in, but restart is getting harder to do.

Also, her RAM is mightily dysfunctional - schoolwork takes a ridiculous amount of time and is lost from memory almost instantly, while the rest of the memory storage area seems to be full of boys and random crap.

The "you're so mean, I hate you" and door-slamming add ons are fully functioning, but thankfully the cuddly, chatty installation still works well... especially when it's way past bedtime

I know what you mean FellatioNelson. Sometimes I catch myself thinking if the compact models weren't so damn cute they'd all get left out out on the kerbside. You wouldn't put up with these kinds of issues for anything else but sort of feel a sense of responsibility, don't you?

I have heard they get a bit more useful in other ways in time, and self funding with any luck. They're generally pretty bloody marvellous really, and at times when you least expect it. Like when V1 (Model5) picked me a load of marigold heads to float in my bath, when V2 first arrived and was malfunctioning badly all night.

Oh and good luck at the recall centre McPhee - hope they get it sorted

I keep trying to buy upgrades and with the fourth model, I think I might have got a more robust version, as it will obey commands, and there is less leakage generally.

Models 2 and 3 are in bed today as they had to power down due to a virus.

I see it as a major design fault that the 'Apple Z' un-do function has been omitted, but have to agree that, when V1 2006 and V2 2009 are fully synched on 'Play nicely together' mode, life is greatly enhanced by these modern and uniquely constructed devices!

Interesting to see so many glitches happening.
My husband came with a 1999 and 2004 model. I understand sharing models with other end-users can result in rather serious malfunctions. So far I've been able to log in and log out every other weekend without serious breakdowns or password failures of the 'you're not my real end-user' variety.

I notice that the 1999 model is beginning to want to borrow my clothes though. Not easy because im reluctant to allow a 13 year old version to appear older than it really is.

I have the 2006 and 2011 models, both of the male variety, the 2006 model is great, the 2011 model is a....well, a bit of a nightmare at the moment! it has a cold, getting teeth and seems to have developed a "velcro" attachment - help! what do I need to do?

i think he seems to be going backwards, showing colic-like symptoms - wtf, hes 1!!!

upgrade needed urgently.

The v1 2012 version in my possession had a total breakdown in the re-call centre. Sadly there were no other models to take the attention away, only some very old users .

As I thought, no manual maintenance can be done. But the wiring will reconnect in time. This model needs to be installed in it's recharge cradle at an angle, to prevent internal congestion.

My user has offered outside support if needed.

I would recommend a vintage model. One of mine was manufactured in 1987 and now is self-financing, requiring little input generally, and has an immaculate case. Either they don't make them like they used to, or these items improve with age.

Myboots ? a friend of mine also got hers on BOGOF. She was a bit miffed as she wasn?t told this until 12 weeks into the manufacturing period so she was a bit shocked. She has recently upgraded to V1.0 and says that the WINE and CHOCOLATE Apps are very helpful (for her, I think - not them).

I have mine on back order, the expected wait time is about 9 months and I?m half way through now. However, I?ve been told I?ll be getting V0.0 ? does this mean it?s just a trial version? Can anybody tell me what functionality I will be missing? Can I still download upgrades?

V2 has been leaking green fluid all over the place and we are worried about damage to the auditory receptors. May need the recall centre today ourselves, which will not be fun what with the on-going speed malfunction and the constant high-pitched whine from v1. Still, I'm at work so it's my co-user who will have to find a way around that one.

I tried to recycle mine 2 yr ago only to end up with a fine slapped on my recycling bin as I hadn't cleaned it first. Bloody council...

I've got a v1 0.5 model. It was a great relief when, after 6 weeks of ownership, I was able to uninstall the alarm function which sounded automatically when it was placed in its recharging cradle.

I've got it plugged into a refuelling port at the moment. It's just interrupted refuelling to enter smile mode, so I think I'll hang on to this model.

Cupcakes your model will come with a leaky big end. They tend to backfire quite a bit at first, so be prepared for a lot of maintanence. This does improve with time.

I just hope the co-user hasn't engineered a dynamo in to the model. Mine seems to have had that installed upon creation.

The VFem18.10 has now left home and is relatively self sufficient, though it has taken many tears and tantrums to get to this stage. I'm thinking that it may well malfunction when it comes to laundry and money management after a few weeks at the Drinking Establishment we know as University.

The VFem17.11 model has been particularly hard going at times, did have a splendid sleep app which helped, however it also appeared to come with the foul mooded teenager app which I did NOT order, but on the upside it came with the advanced brain app, so that was quite helpful.

I have a male version of the V15 model, this is being upgraded to the V16 on Saturday, so I am assuming there's a chance that the grunt app will disappear when I reboot?

Finally, the VFem3.6 model appears to have come with every annoying app ever invented. I was hoping for a perfected version of the older models, but instead I got all the baddest apps going. She has a cracking cuddle app though, so I suppose I can accept that.

The thing I really hate is when you order then from the manufacturer, they often come in the wrong colour, and you are not allowed to swap them for what you originally asked for. For example, I thought matching pairs of pink ones and blue ones would look very nice in my house and optimise the use of the accessories and add ons I have ordered over the years. However the manufacturer sent me three blue ones and a pink one. I mean, what use is that?

Yeah, I know what you mean Boffin, I got three pink and one blue. Bad packing skills I feel.

I am up for a swap, if you like.

I have also found the specified delivery time a little suspect...V2 2006 was dispatched 6 weeks early - good job I was at home to sign for it.

Boffin - yes, this could be something that works. Is there any particular model you're after?

Amazing how models two years apart although from the same manufacturers vary so much. Same manual but totally different operating systems.