As the name suggests, I am sadly (but not that sadly) doing a shiney penguin....

[sadlydoingshineypenguins]

Quick potted history. With boyfriend 9 months. Not that serious but we had had the exclusive talk. Met on a dating site.

About a month ago had a feeling something wasn't right. Few nights he was supposed to be here and cancelled for dopey reasons that set my spidey sense tingling.

Looked on the dating site and lo and beholdy there is was, active, having logged in in the last 24 hours.

But I am not as stupid as he thinks I am.

I set up a profile called thisblokeliesandcheats (it's been taken down) with all his details except photo and spelled out what he'd done (thanks whoever that was who suggested that one) and I will probably do it again

At this point he's said he's coming here Thursday night to stop for the weekend (he doesn't work Friday)

BUT he has also arranged to meet "Anna" off the dating site at a lovely new restaurant for lunch on the Friday about an hour away from here (half an hour from his house)

Obviously, I am Anna.

So, how long do I keep this going. My teeth are itching I want to tell him so much

Am also a little upset, but I had nothing invested in the relationship, so my pride has taken a hit and I feel a bit of a mug but other than that am grand.

at happymole!!!!

The cheeky fucker!!! I can't believe he is texting you now.

GO OUT tell him you've just left and will be out till x then send the text in a couple of hours. (Bonus of him hanging round with nothing to do again.)

I texted back "whatever"

(Knowing I'm not going to be in )

He could drink pink bacardi doris

Can you work in a bit about the sex just not quite hitting the spot for you..? Or that you can no longer fake it?!

"Not really. Look, no need to head over- there's not much point" etc etc

< predicts> you'll get a confused text in return to whatever!

I bet he's feeling about this small

Do you want him to know that Anna was you?

You could leave a pink bacardi breezer on the doorstep for him!

No no, not "second best" - less than the best. Don't make him think he's even close to being the best.

I really wouldn't want him coming over to yours, text him in 20 mins saying somethings come up and you've got to go out (mate problems ??) .

Oh nice touch thumbwitch.

Noooooo don't let him know it was you! I think just play him for a bit longer so he never gets the gist.

You don't want him to feel superior in his head by convincing himself you were a nutter or whatever (you're not, but you know that's what he'd tell himself). Let him truely believe they are two completely separate incidents

no, never let him know that you were Anna, never.

It's too nice. Something short and succient like "You're a twat. Goodbye." Would probably suffice.

how about 'second best and someone who doesn't remind me of my father'

see if he make the link

Oh thumb that's even better

Then in an hour or so the dump text.

Perfect message. When are you going to send it? I can't believe he is now heading over to see you. What a twunt indeed!

He has texted "Are you ok?"

Another vote for Classics here!

No, don't let on that Anna was you. Ever.

"Actually, don't bother. I had a chance to think last night, and this just isn't for me any more. I'm sorry, but I'm not prepared to settle for less than I'm looking for, and I want to explore other options. All the best Hun x"