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Original poster

'Too many children?'

171 replies

NotAnOtter · 11/04/2006 13:11

\link{http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/main.jhtml;jsessionid=H2A3IIAQDL3UBQFIQMGSFFWAVCBQWIV0?xml=/health/2006/04/11/hfamily11.xml\i liked this}

I always think of 'staircase wit' comments to say to people when they criticise me for having 5 (+ ?) children - there are a couple of nice quips in here!
Average number of children in uk families 1.3 !!

OP posts:
zebraz · 11/04/2006 15:28

I didn't like how the article was patronising, even pitying towards smaller families. I'm sure there are pluses about big families, but it was more than just a defense, wasn't it?

What really got me was her denial that kids in a big family lack for adult attention; that line about "benign neglect". We have friends who have 6. No. 3 in the brood definintely actively craves more adult attention. They are lovely kids, and I don't criticise the parents for having so many, but it's dumb to pretend that there aren't important drawbacks to a large family, too. I think if you do a poll you'd find that relatively few people from big families choose to have lots of kids themselves.

Cristina7 · 11/04/2006 15:30

"that line about "benign neglect".

I first read that expression in one of Deborah Jackson's books (if I remember well).

Original poster
NotAnOtter · 11/04/2006 15:31

i would question that being one of four and currently having 5.......

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 11/04/2006 15:36

It's OK to do the benign neglect thing when you only have two though, right?

hoxtonchick · 11/04/2006 15:40

god i hope so hunker :o

hunkermunker · 11/04/2006 15:41

Phew! Grin

(Heck, I'd say it was OK with one...!))

hoxtonchick · 11/04/2006 15:44

i find mn very helpful in that regard!

KTeePee · 11/04/2006 16:02

I kind of agree with the bit where she says "Invariably, they will have spent it squabbling with their team of siblings, but that was preferable, they say, to being locked in mortal combat with just one brother or sister." Families with 4/5 were more the norm where I grew up and I have noticed that friends here who have just one sibling often don't get on with them at all. I think you are more likely to have at least one sibling you get on with, the more there are...

fennel · 11/04/2006 16:04

i love visiting large families. i really like the big family vibes. we're sticking at 3 but my friend has 10 and their house is a lot of fun to visit. the children there all seem to get on ridiculously well too.

Enid · 11/04/2006 16:13

god I don't think she looks that bad

mommie · 11/04/2006 16:13

she looks absolutely fine to me.

Enid · 11/04/2006 16:15

and her kids looked nice too

expatinscotland · 11/04/2006 16:31

you don't? enid she looks like roseanne barr on a good day!

i agree the kids look fine.

but she looks like hell.

mommie · 11/04/2006 16:34

aren't we discussing "too many children" and not whether a perfectly nice looking woman looks like dog s*, which she doesn't

Enid · 11/04/2006 16:35

really?

god must be slipping in final stages of pg

ggglimpopo · 11/04/2006 16:37

Of course we sound smug, Poppadom. We're hardly going to bewail our number of offspring now, are we? And once you have the brood, short of adoption or divorce and abandonment, there is very little you can do but make the most of it. In our Jimmy Choos.

joelalie · 11/04/2006 16:37

Made a lot of sense to me. I definitely beleive in 'benign neglect' - last week while the kids were on holiday they spent the entire week in the park with a horde of friends - when I tried to do the caring mummy thing ands take them out somewhere they didn't want to go!

I agree that the figures mentioned in the media are total nonsense - how can it possibly cost as much as that to raise a child. And I also agree that there is huge pleasure to be had from the company of your young children - I set the hassle to pleasure ratio at about 75:25 Grin...usually. Programs like House of TTs make it seem like a constant struggle. It isn't. Most of it's really good.

When I was unexpectedly pregnant with no#3, the bloke next door said 'I expect you have a hard decision to make' ...wtf???? No.... just some baby stuff to haul out of the attic.

joelalie · 11/04/2006 16:38

Ans I thought she looked OK too.

poppadum · 11/04/2006 16:41

No, no, not you or anyone here, gg limpopo. I meant Cassie Jardine sounds smug and very pitying towards those with smaller families. She just sounds like the kind of mom I used to meet when I only had one and was contemplating stopping there, who would tell me that I was selfish for having only one.

She does look alot better than I would if I had five. I don't think I would bother to get out of my jammies if I did.

Rach69 · 11/04/2006 18:52

Maybe she does sound a little smug but I do find myself being defensive about having loads (4!) of kids because people are so rude. It's fine to have 1,2, 3 or however many you want as long as you don't expect to be supported by the welfare state. I think you always want the opposite of what you have ie my best friend was an only child and was desperate to be part of our family.

If I ever have to rely on state benefits I would feel so guilty but I do feel my lovely bright kids are an asset to society. Besides one of my sisters hasn't had any kids so I've only had her share!

Caligula · 11/04/2006 18:55

All those astronomic figures they quote must be wrong, you only have to look at average earnings to see that.

Detta · 11/04/2006 19:03

Countess Dracula - I used to know a Dido when I was a kid, who'd be about that age. Did she ever live in Norfolk do you know?

MadameDeMars · 11/04/2006 19:15
Grin I practise benign neglect!

Oh and I look fab!

harpsichordcarrier · 11/04/2006 19:21

I am one of five and it was great then and it's great now Grin
but I agree that her stated reasons for having a big family are wanky. The only reason for having babies is that you like children. That's it.
I once asked my mum why she had so many and she said we liked ut so we just had more.
which is sweet I think.
that women's toe are vom worthy btw.

cod · 11/04/2006 19:26

exaclty
harlsi
see i did make one valid contribution

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