Shouldn't parents be teaching freshers life skills before university?

[RampantIvy]

I am still on the WIWIKAU Facebook page as DD is a post grad student.

I keep reading posts from parents of freshers students worrying about how their student DC are going to manage cooking, laundry and other life skills.

Isn't it our job to teach them those skills? Why on earth haven't these parents done so?

I admit to challenging one parent in the past about this and got my post deleted 😁

why do you care what weird stuff other parents say, or what their kids eat?

Those kids will enjoy/survive university in the same way we did (30) years ago - but better because they have computers in their pockets. They’ll work it out. A bit of trial and error isn’t going to do any harm.

I am not heavily invested in DD's very independent student life. I have no input in her life other than helping with flat moves.
I think you have misread and misunderstood my posts.

I just don't understand why a parent is inordinately proud that their offspring managed to make a sandwich or burn some food then post about it.

You are heavily invested- you’re on a parents group for an adult! You’re also judging other parents for not millycoddling their kids and insisting they can’t go out in the world without cookery and laundry training.

Burning food is part of life and learning, without going through such processes you lose the art of problem solving.

Gosh. You are very defensive.

Not really. I’m simply replying to your incredibly judgemental and superior posts which frankly have no basis to be.

I had wondered about those comments, a duvet and a couple of pillows would have filled a suitcase and what about the pots and pans.
My kids have needed to provide everything bar the furniture.

As did we in the 80s.

All the student accommodation I lived in back then had lamps and duvets and pots and pans. Andmy first halls were catered.

They are going to have debt whatever because of the fees and maintenance loan. She's in a cheap city and we're giving her enough money to live on. Part of budgeting is prioritising what is important to her. If she wants a basil plant on her windowsill so she can eat caprese salad then that's her choice.

That explains why people who went to university back in the day are incredulous at how much students take with them now.

They get a room with a bed, desk, chair and storage, the ensuite is optional. The kitchen equipment provided is an oven, hob, fridge freezer, toaster and kettle. Nothing else is provided.

Kettle and toaster not always provided either

I missed out the word usually.

That's why students arrive with everything but the kitchen sink.

Today’s WIWIKAU corker is someone asking if it’s OK to visit their YP this weekend after dropping them off only last weekend! Every single response is saying yes, completely normal and they are doing it too! Highlights include someone whose DD is going to bring her new uni friends along to meet mummy and someone whose DD got a cold last weekend so, rather than just stay the weekend as planned, the mother has stayed up there all week. For a cold.

And one dad “popped up” to Edinburgh from Essex to spend 3 hours with his DD! Madness!
My DD is at Edinburgh and no way would I be spending all that money to spend 3 hours with her.
She has to wait till February for us to go up and that’s because we are tagging it on to a few nights away in the Highlands 😂
These parents just don’t know how to let their kids fly do they.

I was planning to go and visit my DD in a fortnight for the day/afternoon if they were happy for me to. Is that really weird? They’ll have been away 3 weeks. Then they’re maybe coming home for a visit 4 weeks later and home for Christmas after 5 so it kind of seemed to break it up. They’re about 3 hours away so a bit of a trek but not edinburgh to essex distance.

Why not? I'm in my 50,s. I live a long way from my parents yet I still visit them once a month, I support them and they still support me. Why is it so different for uni students? They still need support. Many uni students still live at home, why do so many put unrealistic expectations on them? They still need parental support regardless of age.

We’re talking about a trip to Edinburgh from Essex for 3 hours!!! It’s bonkers! Seems extreme to me.
Support is different from being over protective. I support my in laws and vice versa when needed, but we give each other space. We are not in each others pockets.

I recall reading somewhere that if your child is homesick it is better to visit them than have them come home for the weekend. Apparently the three week mark is when being away from home hits hardest.

I don't think there is anything wrong in visiting your child at university after a few weeks, especially if it supports them to stay and not give up. We were selling my late MIL's house, which wasn't too far from DD's university, so we did pop in a couple of times.

My initial post was really about encouraging young people to be independent adults - cooking, laundry, organisation skills etc. Even the most resilient students get homesick.

In fairness I don’t think my DD will be homesick, would just like to see her and take her for lunch. My problem not hers!!

I’d play it by ear and be guided by them. I visited mine after 5 or 6 weeks and she was genuinely happy to see me and it did me good to see she was ok. She walked around showing me things and did appreciate me getting her a food shop.

Flying up from Stansted to Edinburgh only takes an hour and can cost less that £40 return. We are spending longer than that to spend less time with my MIL next week.

This. Loads of students live at home and attend university so see their parents morning and night, but those who live away are expected not to see them for weeks on end!

I totally agree. I visited DD on my birthday because she invited me up. Just a day trip by train.

Maybe an hours flight, but you’ve got to get to and from the airport. Got to go through security etc etc. it’s not just an hour is it. We flew to Edinburgh a few years back and door to door it took about 4 hours

I think it depends on the child and the family. Ideally, students should have some basic life skills before leaving home, but not every family approaches it in the same way.
And honestly, university is also a learning curve. Some students who have never cooked much before will learn quickly once they have to look after themselves. The important thing is that they know where to start and aren't afraid to ask for help.