Looking for some perspective here as relations between my DS and I have broken down completely over this. DS finished Y1 at Uni in June. We are not a high income family - I earn £35k and DH the minimum wage. DS got nowhere near the max loan last year and I gave him money every month Sep to Jun which brought him up to the max loan and then about another £1k on top of that for various bits like society memberships and running shoes. He had a very part time job in the Sixth Form then worked last summer in a restaurant so had built up about £1k to go to uni.
This summer he went on a long trip with friends (funded by his govt child trust fund which we had contributed to every month) then came home for a week and went away again for 10 days with another friend, camping in Europe. We gave him just under £200 for this trip (mainly Euros we had left over from our holiday) and I had to transfer another £150 to him at some point as he had no money. So, he has had almost 8 weeks of holiday and I was expecting (and had told him this) that he would be working for the rest of the summer to give himself some pocket money and hopefully save a bit to spend at uni next year. Instead, he has spent most days in bed till at least midday then literally doing nothing all day. When I've asked whether he's phoned the restaurant from last summer or got in touch with the Agency a friend recommended I am told he'll do it "later." This has been going on for 4 days now and I have not handled it well and it's ended up with us arguing and him now "threatening" to go back to his uni house this weekend and stay there to escape my nagging. Oh and this is the uni house I have paid 2 months rent on for him already this summer.
I don't think I am being unreasonable expecting him to find work for the rest of the summer considering he's had an 8 week jolly. He has absolutely no money at all and has reached his overdraft limit so any time he needs money he asks me. He's not going out at home as most of his home friends aren't around so he's not asking for money on a daily basis but he's planning on going to a party in his Uni city this weekend so will need train fare and beer money. The plan was that I would drive him there, we'd go shopping for a few clothes (at my expense of course), have lunch together then I'd come back and he'd come home the next day on the train. After a huge argument yesterday he is saying he's going there and not coming back and I said if that's the case I won't be driving him there.
I'm interested to know if other people are happily funding their YP over the summer and whether my expectation that my funding him just from September to June was wrong? I'd be happier giving him money if he were up and looking for work every day or offering to help around the house - there's plenty he could do in the garden - but he doesn't.