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Original poster

Feeling down today and would like to chat

86 replies

Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 11:18

Having a low day today. I feel so bored with my life and lack the will power to do anything about it. I just do the same boring tasks day in day out, no breaks at the weekend, no appreciation of what I do, and no joy to look forward to. It is so boring! Yet, I don't make things better for myself because I don't want to go out and do anything different either. I just don't seem to like anyone any more.

Also, when I do try to do something about my problems, I get nowhere. For instance, I have a really bad phobia and, with MN support, I went to my GP about it last November. She referred me to a psychologist, but I only received a letter from the hospital today and even that wasn't an appt, just a Do you still want to be seen? letter. Well, yes I do still want to be seen, but you are a bit late as I have since moved to the other end of the country! I don't want to go to my new GP with the same problem as I felt so humiliated the first time, but if I don't go, nothing will change, right?

I just feel like I want to stop my life and start again with someone else's, preferably in a different age, as I don't feel I fit the modern age.

OP posts:
moondog · 13/05/2005 11:35

lm, sorry you're feeling so down
I am in admiration of anyone who still has a brain after 4 kids. God knows how you do it! You always make me laugh with your intelligent and slightly caustic observations.
I think you've been really brave to face up to your phobia. Unfortunately the wheels of the NHS move very slowly.

Are you any happier now you've moved?

moondog · 13/05/2005 11:39

I've got to go-going for a walk at the port with a Turkish woman I know who has a disabled little boy. She gets out even less than me.
Catch you later.

XXXX

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 11:42

Thanks for replying Moondog. (Even tho you have now gone again!) I haven't found the move has made one jot of difference really. I was lonely before, I am lonely now. I filled my day with boring housework and childcare then, I do the same here. I didn't fit in with people there, and I don't here either.

I don't feel like anything will ever change.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 13/05/2005 11:47

You're right that if you don't go to the GP about your phobia, nothing will change. You did the really hard bit when you spoke to the original GP about it, it will be easier a second time round. Don't feel humiliated by it; phobias are much more common than you'd think, and if it's interfering with your life then you should really go back and get it sorted. I know it's hard to do, and I think you're really brave for making the decision to see someone about it.

You really need things to be different and they can be - it might take some time, but it's got to be worth getting back into the system if it will make things better for you.

sweetmonkey · 13/05/2005 11:47

h i dont know your situation but thought i would say hello and if you wanna chat im here and will listen

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 11:50

I don't know WWB. I can't talk about it without crying hysterically and I don't really want to humiliate myself again. My GP is male and that makes it harder I find - the not wanting to humiliate myself in front of him bit.

Thanks SweetMonkey, I am just feeling sorry for myself I suppose.

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 13/05/2005 11:51

Message withdrawn

sweetmonkey · 13/05/2005 11:51

is there a female doc you can see?

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 11:54

I suppose there might be a female doctor, but you know how it is, you can't be sure you will want to open up to them until you have met them.

Aimsmum, no I don't feel worse because I have moved. I feel that my loneliness (and of course my phobia) just follow me around wherever I am. I haven't been back to the mother and toddler group either. I know that is wrong of me, but I jsut can't be bothered pretending with them all the time.

I just don't feel I fit in anywhere any more. I am even beginning to think I don't fit in with MN either.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 13/05/2005 11:59

If you don't feel comfortable talking about it with the GP, could you write everything down and just give it to him to read? It might make you feel a bit calmer about it. Although to be honest, even if you cry the GP will have seen it all before. It might even mean you get more sympathetic treatment!

WigWamBam · 13/05/2005 12:00

Ah, don't worry about fitting in with MN, I don't feel as if I do either! It's a funny old place at the moment - but there are people here who are fantastically supportive.

fastasleep · 13/05/2005 12:03

Aww LM I think it's a really good idea to just take your letters from the previous psych in, rather than make yourself uncomfortable. It should be in your notes anyway! And you do fit in around here!

fastasleep · 13/05/2005 12:04

I've burst into tears loads of times infront of my old GPs before now!

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 12:06

The letter doesn't refer to my problem though, it is just a standard "it is some time since you were referred, do you still want to be seen?" letter. But, yes, something should be on my notes. Perhaps I should approach it that way. Thanks for that idea.

I don't think I do fit in round here, but I am not searching for compliments so don't worry about having to think of any.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 13/05/2005 12:07

Just write it all down in your own words, exactly how you feel and how you see the problem. You might cry while you're writing it but it might make it easier when you see the GP if you can just hand him a piece of paper to read.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 12:08

Fastasleep, no offence intended here, but how did you feel about bursting into tears in front of your GP? I am on the surface a steely strong person, very controlled, very strong, very capable. That is not how I am in private, but I am in public, and humiliating myself is not something I care to do.

OP posts:
fastasleep · 13/05/2005 12:08

I hope you don't think that because you're down sometimes that we all think you're 'tedious' after a certain thread about someone else , I don't find you that way at all...just so you know, I wasn't meaning to be complimentary...

fastasleep · 13/05/2005 12:10

It was incredibly humiliating yes! I was doing very well at keeping totally composed and then Bang floods of tears and snot flying everywhere... it feels so belittling and like they've cracked through your nice safe shell... very unpleasant

Aimsmum · 13/05/2005 12:11

Message withdrawn

Aimsmum · 13/05/2005 12:15

Message withdrawn

fastasleep · 13/05/2005 12:17

MTS was telling me how it was possible to bypass GPs about mental health issues, so you could try Aimsmums idea the worst that can happen then is for a letter to come back saying 'contact your gp'

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 12:19

Aimsmum, yes I thought of doing that too - trying to get re-referred without seeing the GP.

No I don't think the phobia is really to do with the social problems, at least not often. There are two problems going on here! I suppose I am too intense for those banal coffee morning/mother and toddler groups. I know that makes me sound like a prig, but there you are.

Fastasleep, my sympathies for feeling like your shell has been broken. It is the worst feeling isn't it? I don't know who you are referring to on MN as I haven't been on much lately. Again, I feel I am too intense to fit in on here. I don't mind people taking the piss and gossiping etc, but I don't feel I know anyone really or that they know me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 12:22

Aimsmum, I know you think you sounded weak to cry at the doctor, but, as you said, you got what you wanted in the end. Well done girl! I think that makes you strong in a way. How insensitive of the GP not to respond sympathetically to your crying. What a c**p Gp he msut be!

OP posts:
Prufrock · 13/05/2005 12:23

Lonelymum I don't know how to really help you, but I do so want to.

I think the idea of a letter to your GP is very good. I also think you should maybe book an appointment to see a Gp about something else -if you are anything like me there is always something that you could do with talking to your GP about - contraception, smear test? And then if you really do feel uncomfortable bringing up your phobia you don't have to - but do try.

I found moving to a new area as a SAHM really difficult - the first 6 months here were awful. Then after a while of going to various M&T groups I met one woman who I actually liked, rather than just tolerated, and my life suddenly became much better - even M&T groups are good now that she and I can sit and laugh at the outfits of the over made up wanabee footballers wives who inhabit this corner of Herts.

aloha once posted something very wise about pretending that you like/enjoy something, and eventually you will find that you do.

fastasleep · 13/05/2005 12:24

There was a bit of snotty 'depressed threads put me off my dinner' type thing going on.... not particularly helpful! I don't fit in with M&T groups either... I guess I'm pretty intense as well lol... I only seem to instantly click with a few people... I hope you get seen by a psychologist soon, the waiting lists really p*ss me off.