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Original poster

Feeling down today and would like to chat

86 replies

Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 11:18

Having a low day today. I feel so bored with my life and lack the will power to do anything about it. I just do the same boring tasks day in day out, no breaks at the weekend, no appreciation of what I do, and no joy to look forward to. It is so boring! Yet, I don't make things better for myself because I don't want to go out and do anything different either. I just don't seem to like anyone any more.

Also, when I do try to do something about my problems, I get nowhere. For instance, I have a really bad phobia and, with MN support, I went to my GP about it last November. She referred me to a psychologist, but I only received a letter from the hospital today and even that wasn't an appt, just a Do you still want to be seen? letter. Well, yes I do still want to be seen, but you are a bit late as I have since moved to the other end of the country! I don't want to go to my new GP with the same problem as I felt so humiliated the first time, but if I don't go, nothing will change, right?

I just feel like I want to stop my life and start again with someone else's, preferably in a different age, as I don't feel I fit the modern age.

OP posts:
Aimsmum · 13/05/2005 12:26

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yoyo · 13/05/2005 12:27

LM - why don't you write to your Doctor and explain that you are too embarrassed to discuss it with him in person? Enclose a copy of your letter and tell him you would like an appointment with a psychologist. You could either post it or leave it at reception.

Just to add that you are not alone in being bored with the whole parenting bit. I feel I am running to stay still for most of the time but am trying to remain positive even though that often means whinging on and on at DH.

I believe we are about the same age and this is definitely an issue for me. I feel I want to establish myself once again and rediscover the joy of life outside my family. My days are driven by my family's needs and not my own (like so many others I know). Only I can make these changes and I am going to give it a damned good go.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 12:28

Prufrock, thanks for wanting to help. I know I should go to the M&T groups. Part of me knows that is the only way forward, and part of me just wants to hide indoors in my own cosy little world. The part that wants to hide is bigger to be honest, but the part that wants to be normal and socialise keeps butting in!

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yoyo · 13/05/2005 12:31

Prufrock - just the reason that I can't do mother and child groups in my corner of Herts! Don't have the extensions, nails, make up, piercings, tattoos, etc that would enable me to fit in!

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 12:32

What are you actually going to do Yoyo? I keep coming back to the idea that returning to work is the only way forward for me, even tho I gave that a go three years ago and almost instantly realised it was just making my life harder as I had to juggle work and family. Also, my career isn't one you can do 9 - 5 and I realised I wasn't prepared to put in the same commitment that I had done before I had had children. None of that has changed, but I still see work as an escape from mundane housework and childcare, a chance to meet people, and a chance to re-build my self-esteem.

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fastasleep · 13/05/2005 12:33

The only thing that gets me to (happily) go to M&T groups is knowing that a friend's going... and how can you go with a friend if you haven't gone before and made any - flipping ridiculous isn't it! Have you tried the meet-up threads? The one for my area was a godsend!

fastasleep · 13/05/2005 12:35

You could try doing evening courses in something that really interests you, like pottery or textiles or art... there are loads all over. I've already got plans for when my next one's breastfeeding is established

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 12:35

Tell me I am wrong, but M&T groups always seem to be about one of three things:

  1. Talking about babies/toddlers BORING!

  2. Bitching about other women Perhaps fun if I knew who they were talking about, but essentially nasty and unpleasant. I don't want to be friends with people who take delight in character assasination.

  3. Then you have the posh brigade who probably have something more cerebral to talk about, but are dolled up to the nines and wouldn't deign to look down at plain, dowdy me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 12:37

Fastasleep, I am going to try and get on a learn Italian course in September, but don't be surprised if this good intention comes to nothing.

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fastasleep · 13/05/2005 12:37

Or there's me and mumytosteven sitting in the corner babbling about MN! Lol! Yeah M&T groups = tedium

fastasleep · 13/05/2005 12:38

That sounds perfect LM, do try and get to it (I do the million excuse thing too! I know the tricks!)

Aimsmum · 13/05/2005 12:39

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Aimsmum · 13/05/2005 12:41

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yoyo · 13/05/2005 12:44

LM - didn't you used to teach? Any chance that you could help out at school? I know you would still be around children but they wouldn't be yours at least. Is your youngest off to Pre-school soon? Mine is in October and I intend to make the most of that time.

I have chosen not to work as I know the childcare would be a nightmare and DH has a demanding, time-consuming job so can't rely on him to be around when I need him. I have just been elected a governor and I'm really looking forward to it. Have you given any thought to something like that?

I don't think rediscovering oneself is ever going to be easy and as such intend to do it gradually. I have just got the chance to do some proofing (used to be an editor) which will only take a few days but it's a start (and is not so demanding that it can't be done late at night).

I am trying not to let the drudgery of housework get me down either. I am setting myself a time to do things and if they are not done not allowing myself to stress about it. I get the stuff I hate done first.

What things do you like doing?

Sorry if this is disjointed and rambling I'm up and down with DS continuously.

yoyo · 13/05/2005 12:49

LM - "plain, dowdy me"!! Use this as a starting point. New hair cut? New clothes (try a personal shopper in a large store - you are not obligated to buy anything and they are not all glamorous young things either). I'm sure Bristol would be a fantastic place to shop. Or just order a load of stuff online and have a day exploring new looks. You can always send it all back.

Nemo1977 · 13/05/2005 12:56

Firstly hun hugs to u it is hard getting over any phobias and anxiety. If you are still wanting to access mental health services then you can refer yourself and they will send someone to assess your needs etc. I can completely understand your feelings about crying in front of gp etc. As i tend to try and put 'a face on' usually involving physical prompts like a cap and my glasses. I hate to appear vunerable to people in case they think bad of me iykwim. If u want to chat u know where i am on msn..take care hun

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 12:57

Yoyo - Me too (distracted by ds3 who is having lunch right now.

Yes I used to be a teacher. Don't fancy any other involvement with schools other than being a parent (and that took some getting used to) or being the real thing, ie teacher. Being a classroom assistant would really frustrate me, like being a legal secretary when you have been a lawyer, I imagine. Would consider Aimsmum's idea of adult literacy though if classroom teaching became too stressful.

Funnily enough, there is only one other career I would like and that is to be a proof reader as I come across so many instances of bad proof reading so I know I must be quite good at it. I did look into that once, but I dond't think that would get me out of the house or mixing with colleaugues in the same way as teaching would (and there are precious few opportunities to mix with colleagues in teaching).

I like reading, history, walking; quiet, cerebral activites usually done alone, which is probably how I got into this lonely situation in the first place!

I have the same approach to housework as you do: I set aside a certain amount of time each day and do what can be done in that time and don't beat myself up about what isn't done. Trouble is, I have off days like today when I have sat in front of the computer all morning and done nothing at all.

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Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 12:59

Yoyo, the plain dowdy me thing doesn't mean I want a change! I am not into clothes and make up I'm afraid to say (many women seem to think you can't be human, and certainly not a real woman if you are not dolling yourself up everyday)

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Aimsmum · 13/05/2005 14:02

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Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 14:06

I would do that Aimsmum but I can't picture what is out there for me.

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Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 14:06

Would love to work in a museum giving talks to visiting school parties....

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flum · 13/05/2005 14:08

Which age do you fit lonelymum?

I definately should have been born around Jane Austens time. Although as my mother continually delights in telling me: 'You wouldn't have been swanning around with Mr Darcy you know, you would have been scrubbing his front step!'

Aimsmum · 13/05/2005 14:14

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Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/05/2005 14:14

I would have liked to have been born about 1760 I think, though that would have made me about 40 when those gorgeous Jane Austen fashions came in and instead of liking them (as I do now) I would have been horrified by them!

Anyway, I would have been dead by 1830 and not have known about the worst horrors of the Industrial Revolution.

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yoyo · 13/05/2005 14:18

LM - didn't mean to offend you re: clothes. I thought you were implying that you had got into a rut with how you looked too. Pleased to hear that you are happy with yourself on that front. One less thing to worry about!

I have these sorts of days too where the whole day passes by with little constructive to show for it but it doesn't matter too much really. I feel that there are days where I am on the go continuously so a day in front of the computer (well not all the time) is my treat (and may even improve my typing skills).

Proofreading certaimly won't get you out and meeting people. I find it just makes me more pedantic than I am usually and I get tied up in knots about fairly trivial points of grammar which usually leads to an argument with DH. At least it's better than talking about the children!

What about joining a walking group? You could choose whether to chat to people and would be able to explore areas that you are unfamiliar with in the safety of a group. Quite fancy that myself.

There must be a reading group where you are too. I thought you were keen to rejoin a church (although I may have got the wrong person, sorry if so) and they always have stuff on. Not religious myself but a friend said that her church was like a full-time job that she loved (great if you get it I think).

Hope you are able to find something to lift your spirits.