Feeling down today and would like to chat

[Lonelymum]

Having a low day today. I feel so bored with my life and lack the will power to do anything about it. I just do the same boring tasks day in day out, no breaks at the weekend, no appreciation of what I do, and no joy to look forward to. It is so boring! Yet, I don't make things better for myself because I don't want to go out and do anything different either. I just don't seem to like anyone any more.

Also, when I do try to do something about my problems, I get nowhere. For instance, I have a really bad phobia and, with MN support, I went to my GP about it last November. She referred me to a psychologist, but I only received a letter from the hospital today and even that wasn't an appt, just a Do you still want to be seen? letter. Well, yes I do still want to be seen, but you are a bit late as I have since moved to the other end of the country! I don't want to go to my new GP with the same problem as I felt so humiliated the first time, but if I don't go, nothing will change, right?

I just feel like I want to stop my life and start again with someone else's, preferably in a different age, as I don't feel I fit the modern age.

Don't worry Yoyo, I wasn't offended. Anyway, you are probably right in the first place: I could do with a change in image.

Yes, it was me talking about rejoining the church. That went by the way along with everything else. I just haven't the will power.

I come from a long line of low achievers, we shout it from the roof tops in our family. people think you're wierd if you do something useful in your life. would you like us to adopt you?

Flum!!

Message withdrawn

Flum???? I come from a family of high achievers. Perhaps that is why I find being a SAHM so unsatisfactory and why I find it hard to confront a phobia that shouldn't be there.

Just laughing at flum's comment about coming from a family of low achievers (laughing with not at btw!)
Lm, read all of this. You remind me of myself and my older sister in so many ways! I think your inertia is fed by your..I hesitate to say depression....low mood. You can't get the energy up to do something so the cycle continues.

As an intelligent woman,you are obvioulsy unfulfilled by the inanity of some of what is on offer for people with small children. You seem to feel you don't 'fit in'. I think you need to stop navelgazing,if you will excuse my bluntness. It's not your thing! So what? I enjoy being with people sometimes but ultimately enjoy my own company,that of my dh and that of my family. I have plenty of friends but don't need to be with them all the time. I don't need the prop of a best mate on my arm at all occasions. I think a great people of people cling together.rather in the manner of rats to a clinging ship. They hang out with people they don't really like for fear of being alone.

I would never get involved in that whole mother and baby thing (although of course it is great for many people). I just know it wouldn't do anything for me.

Proofreading? Bad idea imo. You need something that gets you out,not holed up in the spare room. May I suggest a spot of volunteering to start with? Would give you a taste of something new without a huge commitment. Guide for the National Trust? (if only to enjoy the hilarious old dudes who mostly do this?!)I used to volunteer at nighttime adult literacy classes and loved it.
Evening classes sound naff,but really work. I took a patchwork and quilting class at a low period in my life and it has really soothed and fulfilled me. Have it here in Turkey where things can be quite lonely (although heaps better now the weather is nice and I know a few more people and speak a bit of Turkish)and i always do a square a day.

I think there is a volunteering network-Community Service Volunteer Trust I think..which tells you what is available in your area and matches you up with what time and energy you can give,even if it is just an evening a month.

Hope you feel better tomorrow. Can't believe you have to contact a gp in order to access therapy.Are you in a position to pay for some sessions yourself?

One more thing-what is this nonsense about not fitting in on MN??? This isn't a silly schoolyard series of cliques!! It's a group of people (all sitting alone incidentally!) who are just sharing thoughts and ideas. I for one,always have an eye out for your posts.

XXX

message to any mum, let alone lonelymum. why aren't we the same people we used to be, b4 we had kids. the mind BOGGLES. i have a theory. u only find it easy bringing your kids up, if u are either a bionic woman OR u don't have a high standard of what is expected of you to be a mum. so i think the harder u find motherhood, the better the mum u r. hang on in there, we'll all do it together, and hey we'll surely guaranteed a great set of kids at the end of it all. a big hug from me a newcomer, who felt better about life just reading a bit about your experience. polly2.

ps sorry about the rubbish english, i am really knackered. ps moondog, your words of encouragement r great!!!

Just come back online after a weekend away and saw your post Moondog and Polly. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. It helps, even to know there are people out there who can make such intelligent and insightful (is that a word?!) comments and I thank you for them.

Moondog, at the risk of offending everyone else on MN (which I don't want to do at all) I genuinely wish I knew you in RL. I don't agree with everything I have ever read that you have written, (orange fishfingers suit me and my children very well on occasions!) but you seem to have the solid, no-nonsense approach to life I so admire. You were spot on with a lot of what you said here too.

That said, I have to report that I am feeling worse than ever today: the walls of black depression and despair are really closing in on me. I wish this didn't keep happening to me {ad]

LM - sorry you're feeling even more down. Was the w/e not a success?

No, ds2 and ds3 were ill (ds2 the dreaded vomiting - my phobia - although dh dealt with it). Not going to see much to dh this week and I am already in a funk about it. Also, he and I had a heart to heart (our relationship is a bit....how shall I say? not rocky, but very mundane and sterile) and that knocked me about a bit too.

LM - given you were already feeling down I think you were very brave to have a heart-to-heart with your DH. I often find that I start these conversations unintentionally and they take off in all sorts of unexpected (and sometimes unwelcome) directions. I think I sometimes expect my DH to "solve" everything for me and of course he can't. Did he come up with any ideas about improving your self-esteem or did it descend into an analysis of your relationship?

At least he was able to deal with your children's sickness (I suspect my DH has a mild form of your phobia as he cannot deal with it at all).

I think we always have one of these heart to hearts after the children have been ill because it makes me so low that I am unable to care for my children when they need me most and I always end up crying to him that I am a poor mother and they would be better off without me. That usually leads to a discussion about us because I need him so much at these times.

Trouble was, this time, he took the opportunity to tell me where I had been letting him down (which I already knew about) and I told him how I felt he was letting me down (which I have done many times before but it never seems to get us anywhere). Anyway, it was all perfectly amicable and hopefully we will meet each other's needs better in the future, but, for the moment, it has left me feeling even more despairing than usual!

I have rung up my old psychology department though and asked them to transfer my appt to my new psychology dept, and I have also rung the doctors to explain the situation to them and one of them is ringing me back later today, so at least I have done something positive about getting one of my problems dealt with.

At least it was amicable and it sounds as though you have both made a few decisions about what and how to improve things. Did you discuss any of the things people suggested on this thread?

Well done for contacting the doctor. I hope they will be helpful when they call you back. Perhaps your weekend proved to you that you really do need to get some help with your phobia and that it needs addressing soon.

Are your children back in school today or are they still poorly?

No, we didn't discuss my problems although we have done many times and I know my dh would fully support any decision I made. I really don't know what to do for the best and so neither he nor I know how to go forward.

I know my phobia needs addressing quickly. When the children are well and dh is home a lot, it seems like something I can live with, but when they get ill and/or he is away, it becomes a monster in my life! Still waiting for doctor to phone.....

Ds2 is off school today but seems much better despite complaining that tummy still hurts. He is out in the garden attacking the weeds! Ds3 still has frightful diarrhoea and isn't eating, but he is cheerful otherwise. I am really worrying about ds1 and dd getting it next!

When you say you don't know what to do for the best do you mean that you have narrowed it down to a few options and can't decide or is it something bigger than that?

Glad to hear children are on the mend and really hope the other two escape it.

Doctors usually call after surgery so not surprised that they haven't called yet. Hopefully they'll get back to you this afternoon.

Lonelymum,have been checking this thread anxiously all w/end to see if you had added anything.
What cani say...so sorry you are down again. The children's illness has obviously knocked you a lot. I think that on top of that,anyone with four children,who is feeling a little out of the loop is bound to be feeling that life is roughing them up a bit.

Do you need to prioritize issues? Sounds like the phobia is the mumber one priority.

We are here for you, in the MN sense! Glad my (our) words are helping. i'm not solid and no nonsense at all you know (apt to lie around the place feeling depressed and moping actually!!) but my dh is,and I try to deal with things in the way he suggests.

Much love and fond thoughts.
XXXXXX

..and you must be one of the few
Ners who can spell diarrhoea!! (Go on,tell me that doesn't appeal to the intellectual snob in you!!! )

Gotta go-we are having some friends for tea.Dh and dd made some biscuits yesterday. Not a success...Nearly cut my hand off trying to prise rockhard flapjacks out of the tin lol!)

Well, I specified morning as I was offered an afternoon call and thought it was bound to come as I was out picking up the other two from school. Anyway.....

No, I just mean that I don't know what to do to make myself feel better. It is possible that ds3 will start playgroup in September, and I feel that that will be the time I will be able to sit back and take stock of my life and work out if I should go back to p/t teaching, or look for another career, or do as others have suggested and volunteer for something (Although I have to say the money would come in handy so voluntary work might not fit the bill)

Hi lonelymum, I missed this last week (was in a state myself on Friday!) but my offer of meeting for a coffee still stands. Totally understand if you don't want to though.

Hello Moondog. How lovely to know you have been checking the thread concerned for me, although I might wish I didn't have cause to worry strangers/internet friends.

Yes the phobia is Number One in my life - always has been, probably always will be, but I shouldn't say that should I?!

And of course I can spell diarrhoea! I am the dd of 2 doctors and a terrible grammar snob (Lynne Truss doesn't know the half of it!)

Knew you'd be pleased..Move over Lynne babeeeee!!!!
Right,baby scooped up and i'm out the door. catch you later!

Hello WWW. Hope your weekend away from ds was just what was needed and he has come back a nicer little boy.

I think my phobia and what has happened lately chez Lonelymum puts me off social contact at the moment, but who knows if the therapy ever gets off the ground?

He has lonelymum, update (durr, I really should have realised) here No worries, hope your week improves.

But you do know that you do need to do something to lift your spirits. I suppose it is a bad time of year to try and find an evening class and I doubt you have childcare during the day which narrows your options until DS3 starts playgroup. Could you not contact some places for further info though? Perhaps in that way you might be able to eliminate some possibles from your list. I do sympathise as I would dearly love to find something that fitted in with the children, was interesting and paid a reasonable amount too (not asking for much are we?!).