JUst read this thread and hope that i wasnt out of place with my comments last night. I dont know the 'full' story either. The is a message for T and I will not be at all offended if you disregard what i say.
I am a survivor of severe pnd which required inpatient treatment (so i know a bit about it) and am now in 2nd year mh nurse training.
Firstly I do empathise how alone you can feel and how important and big the really little things can be. When feeling vulnerable and that you are not good enough in some areas it is easy to over compensate in others.
Has your gp referred you to the local mental health team? They should be able to provide you with lots of useful support and advice. IT may even be that they need to review your medication. Basically there is no 'quick' fix but there is a light.. it might me a tiniest dot right now but it will get better.
I geniunely hoe things get a little easier for you. I think the mums here care about you too.
xx