Derealization AGAIN

[HangingOver]

Almost a year to the day since my last episode - I'm heartbroken it's come back. This time it was triggered by missing about a week of my contraceptive pill.

This time I'm going to try not to go back on the citalopram. Total episode time previous times I've done this is about 3 weeks but I think the SSRI onboarding symptoms made it worse. So this time I'm going without, just using propranolol as needed.

Handhold much appreciated. I'm pretty much repeating "it will go away" on a loop and trying to ignore the crushing terror that this will go on for ever.

Hey. Handhold here. I don't have derealisation but I fully feel the fear (and damn it's convincing) that an 'episode' is here to stay. Well done for pushing on through. Keep on going, it will be ok x

Thank you. It 100% won't but the fear is all consuming isn't it. It's almost like the second you stop worrying about the symptoms so much they start to fade. Such a catch 22!

Can I ask why you don’t stay on the citalopram ? (I take this)

This video may help;

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The charity Unreal has advice. They are v small but aim to have info.

I think they recommend things like physical activity and social activities. So swimming or gym classes and being with real people (not online) can all help you connect with your body.

Thanks everyone. I'm trying to get outside and see people as much as possible, it definitely helps but as soon as I'm home i go straight back into it.

It's very bad this morning. I keep flipping between trying to ignore it and bursting into tears.

It's like being constantly stoned in a bad way.

Hi

This sounds awful. Please forgive my ignorance but what is it?

It's awful, I don't have tips I'm afraid . I have depersonalization episodes (where I don't feel real, not the rest of the world) and it's the worst part of my anxiety disorder.

I hope this is a short episode for you and you come out of it ASAP xx

How are you getting on today OP?

Thanks so much for checking in. Enjoyed a dog walk with sunglasses on which helps a bit but still getting these stabbing moments of completely out of body Terror that make me want to collapse in a heap and cry. I've given in and had a beta blocker, put on my Oodie and sitting in a dark room with the cat. 🥺

I know what you mean. I don't have the DR but I have The Fear which never really leaves me and I totally get those stabbing moments even when you're doing something that should be relaxing.

I walked 6k with the dog today and did a HIIT class and I still feel full of adrenaline.
No idea how I'm going to cope with work tomorrow but will try and take it as it comes.

Are you at work atm?

I WFH and I'm freelance thank god because if I had to go into an office all day when I can't even recognize my own reflection atm.

Planning to punctuate work tomorrow with as many naps/meltdowns as necessary.

Thanks so much again for helping me through this. Maybe once it's gone away some other poor sod will find it and feel reassured that it does go away!

Just updating this again as it might be useful for some poor sod in the future who is going through similar and needs some hope of getting out the other side.

Today it is BAD, though. I'm lying on my bed and feel like I'm floating.

Big handhold from me as I'm going through some pretty hefty anxiety/panic at the moment too. Let's see if we can help each other through.

Is there a time of day when you tend to feel better?

Hi there,

Sorry your going through it to. It's amazing how many people are affected and how unbelievably ill it makes you. Mornings are definitely the worst! What do you think?

Definitely. The mornings are godawful. I have to tell myself it gets better and it will all pass.

By the evenings I generally don't feel quite as shit but that's maybe because of the prospect of going to sleep and not having to deal with my own brain for a few hours!

The thing is I KNOW it will go away eventually but it doesn't feel like it. And the idea of being stuck like this makes me feel utterly desperate. 😢

I totally get that. My husband keeps telling me that this will pass, it has in the past, but my brain is definitively trying to scare me that this is it for me, forever! It's really frightening.

I'm struggling to eat well atm but have managed to do some exercise today and have prepared some salad for tea so I'm counting this as a small win.

I just want to get back to normal and back to my usual life!

Are you managing to work? I'm struggling with concentration.

Work is really hard but thankfully I've built up tonnes of good will with them as I've got so much done already.

I went out on my paddleboard this evening to meet a friend which is an utterly bizarre experience when in DR. Only managed an hour and it's was really hard but at least I got out the house. Small wins are still wins.

I've cried an ENORMOUS amount today so I'm off to drink some more water.

How are you this morning? I've woken in the usual panic. Got to be out all day today so I'm having cold sweats about that.

You poor thing. Yep, I woke up feeling like I was completely stoned (in a bad way). Took a beta blocker and went back to bed for an hour. Struggling though work then have a heinously expensive online appointment with a consultant psychiatrist later, hoping he's extremely competent and/or a wizard. Hope your day isn't too bad

How did the psych appointment go?

I survived a 3 course meal out which was some miracle, feeling a bit soporific now after that and a hefty dose of sunshine plus a glass of wine with lunch.

Feel like I've overcome something today.

@HangingOver @Closterfack Hi.
Can I jump on your thread please?
I'm suffering with my anxiety disorder atm also. Been off work 4 months. Anxiety is awful but nice to know I'm not alone.
Can I ask what disorders you are diagnosed with?

Great job @Closterfack it's reassuring to know that we can still do things even when we're having unpleasant sensations.

Hi @Ilovedogs1 welcome aboard. I haven't really been diagnosed with anything but the symptoms I experience are definitely best described as derealization.

It was just the 15 minute intro appointment but he was exactly what I wanted e.g pragmatic I have my first proper appointment next week. God I hope it's calmed down a bit by then.

Welcome Ilovedogs1

I don't think I have a diagnosis either really, just anxiety. But it's more like panic or sheer terror sometimes, and that can go on for weeks at a time.

Good on you for taking some time out. I'm hoping to be able to continue working as I think it helps me, but we'll see.

Is this a life long issue for you?