Derealization AGAIN

[HangingOver]

Almost a year to the day since my last episode - I'm heartbroken it's come back. This time it was triggered by missing about a week of my contraceptive pill.

This time I'm going to try not to go back on the citalopram. Total episode time previous times I've done this is about 3 weeks but I think the SSRI onboarding symptoms made it worse. So this time I'm going without, just using propranolol as needed.

Handhold much appreciated. I'm pretty much repeating "it will go away" on a loop and trying to ignore the crushing terror that this will go on for ever.

God that sounds bloody awful. No wonder you're terrified. What has eased it in the past? Do things like propranolol and diazepam work for it?

You are incredibly brave. It's so hard to push through when you feel like you're going crazy. Am here for a handhold any time.

Do you have a DP or a DH who can help you through this and reassure you? I hope today is a better day for you. X

Thanks @Closterfack this thread is helping me so much at the moment.

Annoyingly the event DPs been working on for months is this week so he's away.

I can't carry on like this. I'm going to ask the GP to go back on the SSRIs pronto.

I'm not sure about the propranolol. It's taking the edge off I think but only just. Sadly diazapam isnt allowed due to previous addiction 😞

@HangingOver I know a psychologist I saw once said if your concerned your psychotic then your not because you dont realise you are . So the fact that your even questioning it means your not. Again easier said than done. I'm supposed to be acknowledging I'm having intrusive thoughts but not engaging with them 🤷‍♀️.
My mind wants me to mentally check everything I'm doubting . This anxiety lark is sooo exhausting.

Yep, the checking is constant. It's completely involuntary I'm not sure how we're supposed to stop it!

Hope you're both doing ok today. I had a good couple of hours this morning but the rest of the day has be dogshite. Counting down til bedtime.

A good couple of hours is an improvement tho isn't it? Take the small wins 😀.

I've ploughed through work today and taken some exercise so I feel like I'm at least getting things done, but the anxiety is still there. It's really exhausting. Im managing to work but only just - I feel like im coasting and my brain can't cope with the complex stuff I usually do pretty easily.

Clinging to the hope that this will pass, it's been nearly 5 weeks for me now in this blip.

@Closterfack you're in my thoughts. I feel the exact same, hanging on by my fingertips.

I've had a terrible day. Lots of intrusive thoughts and anxiety. I did manage to get some housework done and laundry but had a good cry this afternoon.
Would just like to see some light at the end of the tunnel

@Ilovedogs1 are you on any medication to help you through this?

I'm ready an interesting book called The Anatomy of Anxiety by a psychiatrist who thinks that a lot of anxiety doesn't start in the mind but in the body, and the fear response is the brains interpretation of those physical signals. It's an interesting read and makes a lot of sense to me as I have an autoimmune condition (coeliac). Worth a read.

How are you doing today @HangingOver? Did you speak to your GP about medication? Are you still working?

Hi @Ilovedogs1 sorry you had such a bad day. It's so relentless isn't it. I sometimes find looking back at the things Ive achieved in the day, even just housework, helps a little. Like, you can still do things no matter how rotten you feel.

Thanks for the recommendation @Closterfack I'll check it out. How was your day?

Speaking to GP tomorrow... I had my thyroid checked today and I'm trying not to get overinvested in the results. It sounds churlish but I actually want it to be my thyroid at this stage because I can't believe how ill I'm feeling. I've lost 3kg in 3 weeks and spend the rest of today working from bed because I can't stay awake.

I have a funny video that I think you'll like

www.instagram.com/reel/Cs6d8qwg5Ee/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

@Closterfack yes I'm on fluoxitine and low dose quietiapine. Quietiapine is an antipsychotic but they use it off label at a low dose for anxiety.
Do you both find your anxiety worse in the morning? And do either of you experience really irrational thoughts or is it more just generally anxious?

Yep I wake up at 7 on the dot with lightning bolts of anxiety.

My irritational thoughts are mainly linked to the derealization. When it was really bad Monday night I did for a second think that actually maybe I wasn't real, nor anything around me, nor my partner or anything. It was terrifying.

Yup mornings are by far the worst. I woke up this morning at about 4am with a horrific feeling of panic. I caved in in the end and took 0.5 diazepam which has just left me feeling groggy.

I need someone to tell me that this will end, it's horrible.

Hi both. Well apart from the usual anxiety I'm also due my period and I'm getting ready to go on holiday tomorrow so you can imagine my stress levels. @Closterfack I know what you mean about when will it end. If you knew how long you would be like this at least there would be an end to look forward to. Last time I had a bad spell it was nearly a year. 😫

@Ilovedogs1 that is a lot to deal with! Not sure how old you guys both are but I'm dealing with peri alongside all of this as I'm 48. Fun fun fun!

Really hope that you get a good holiday and are able to relax and enjoy it!

Big handhold needed for me today. I'm taking my daughter away (she's 6) to Legoland.

It's 4 hours drive away and will involve my worst nightmare of queues.

We're staying over in a hotel then driving home Sunday. My DH can't come as we have animals at home that need tended to.

Gulp.

Be brave @Closterfack take it hour by hour and keep reminding yourself you're safe xx

@HangingOver it's weird isn't it how anxiety makes you feel like your in danger. @Closterfack hope Legoland went well. I've made it to Cornwall. Yesterday I felt really anxious and woke this morning feeling bad but then I've had a bit of a talking to myself to not let the anxiety win .

Welcome to Cornwall @Ilovedogs1 Sorry our weather is a bit shitty at the moment!

@HangingOver which area are you in? Don't mind as long as its dry. How's your anxiety today?

Ha - what are the chances - I'm in Devon!

Legoland was brilliant - we had a fantastic time and I'm so glad I pushed myself to do that.

Feeling a lot better today, I wonder if subconsciously I had been fretting about that for some time.

Something to learn from for sure.

We're in NQ. If you're nearby lets go for a walk on the beach.

Saturday wasn't too bad! I managed to stay out all day seeing people and doing thing. The DR is still unbearable first thing in the morning and in the evening but I'm very cautiously feeling like I'm maybe turning a corner??

I have the go ahead to restart citalopram when DP is back home on Thursday but god it'd be amazing if I felt I didn't need to by then! Here's hoping. x

I have experienced this with severe anxiety when I have been majorly depressed. I have found mindfulness, particularly distraction techniques, to be good at taking the edge off it for a bit. Not a solution I know, but anything that helps is good when you feel like that. GL, and be kind to yourself.

How are you all doing? Feeling very gloomy tonight. So red up of not being able to stay away all day and feeling completely out of it 😔 Going back on the SSRIs this week.

How are you two getting on? I hope you're enjoying your holiday @Ilovedogs1.

Back to panic this morning for me after a good weekend. So frustrating.