i feel horrible as i cannot offer advice. i wish i could but i am wont because my head isnt in the right place. but you are brave, my situation is not as yours, i guess all situations are different. but you have so many people here willing to assist - these ladies are sent from god (no i am not religious but i believe these ladies can be classed as angels). how pregnant are you now? its horrible not to have someone to actually hug you though. a hug can work wonders. i send a massive hug from here. over the ocean and far away! i bet you look beautiful. i hope you have someone to tell you that. i bet your dd tells you that. and children only tell it how it is. i'm online at all different times due to the time difference if you ever want to talk at some weird time. keep that chin up Amanda xox