The Brexit Arms. Is this Ben Elton? Is it free mulled wine and mince pies for everyone or a Corb-free Christmas 🎄?

[SingingLily]

Welcome to the Brexit Arms!

The temporary Landlady is back but worry not, all is festive good cheer with just another three days to go until we reach the Only Poll That Really Matters. Till then, the gloves are still on!

A quick recap of the events of the last week or so:

📋❓💙❤️💛⁉️💙‼️🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️😀☹️😀☹️😧😱🙄😬🤥🤔🤕🗳

Anyone of any political persuasion who is prepared to join in, eschew goadery, and enjoy a laugh, welcome. First drinks are on the house.

wetwork

It's a euphemism in the trade for murder or assassination, Hate.

But I'm still joking

Thanks for clearing that up Lily heaven forfend that it might be something to with preserving birds in East Anglia. Glad you're just joking won't go swimming with you then.

Glad you're just joking won't go swimming with you then.

Don't be concerned, Hate. I'm very loyal to my friends.

if any wet work needs doing, I still have contacts in the criminal underworld

😱😱😱

Morning comrades ✊🥀

Another glorious day in the longest election campaign in the history of everything!
Thank Christ it is over tomorrow 😅

Hold the line!!!

Morning, All,

It might be wild and woolly out there but the fire burns bright in the snug and all is calm here in the Arms. To lift the winter blues, there's a new addition to the complimentary breakfast tray: our world-famous Breakfast Barm. A giant barm cake filled with bacon, sausage, scrambled egg and sautéed mushrooms, together with a dash of your preferred sauce. A supremely delicious vegetarian option is also available (once I've worked out what that might be).

As Dusty, says, last day of media coverage today. Expect a blitz in the media. Also expect a blitz of last minute canvassers here in the Arms. There's a huge pitcher of Pimms and a large bowl of assorted nuts at the end of the bar and I will be pleased to offer them a complimentary drink and snack to speed them on their way.

Kettle's on.

if any wet work needs doing, I still have contacts in the criminal underworld

😱😱😱

Yes but don't forget, Dusty, as a general rule, we didn't lock up the bright ones. I only know what not to do.

Utterly terrified of you now Lily....!

Glad we're on the same side tbh 😂😂

😂Dusty.

Once in a car park, waiting to put money in the pay-and-display machine, the young woman in front of me kept having her pound coins rejected. Cursing the machine for being defective, she shouted across for help from the passing parking attendant. He was even more clueless than she was and couldn't get the machine to accept the rejected coins, either.

Running out of time and patience, I pointed out that the reason why the machine was rejecting the pound coins was because they were so obviously counterfeit and to save time, told them how to fool the machine.

She looked horrified. The parking attendant looked at the increasingly irate queue of people waiting to pay and made a decision. He did as I told him and hey presto, the machine accepted the coins.

I also know how to get items past the scanners at the front doors of stores when they have those security tags attached. Disclaimer! I've never done it. I am the most honest person you will ever meet. There's no chance I will ever do anything to put myself on the wrong side of the bars. Too many unsettled scores...

Final day of campaigning. Part relief, but also part dread as in two days time we might be seeing Corbyn and Sturgeon running the UK. Not a great thought. Just hope the final poll makes Conservative voters get out and vote tomorrow as nothing is certain.

Morning, Holly.

That final poll is making me nervous. I cannot stand the thought of another hung parliament or a Corbyn/Sturgeon stitch-up. He's not the one who would be making the decisions there. She'd be making them directly with John McDonnell and I think those two are ideological twins.

Lol Lily 😂😂

I used to be able to game the pay phone boxes back in the day & trick them into thinking I'd put £££ in for just 10p.
Essential for hours of unimpeded conversation with various boyfriends after my mum & dad put locks on the house phone 😉

Sadly my very particular set of skills is now rendered obsolete 😟

Morning everyone. I'm officially nervous now. That poll - ouch. Could go either way. But I just want it to be over now. A giant breakfast barm will help - maybe with a whisky chaser to settle my nerves.

Sadly my very particular set of skills is now rendered obsolete

Machines, coins, probably the same trick, Dusty

Morning, Limer, a freshly cooked breakfast barm coming up and a 🥃

And here's today's Telegraph cartoon.

Agree Lily I think John McDonnell and NS would be a very dangerous combination and of course NS would relish being in power over the whole UK. Given the SNP record on Scotland's domestic affairs, it would not be anything to celebrate having her near power over the whole UK.

I guess that's ultimately the two outcomes we're looking at now, slim Tory majority or cobbled together Labour, Lib Dem and SNP pack. Ugh.

Worrying that we need to start a 'what to do in the event of a hung parliament' thread!

I've never known a roller coaster of an election like this one.

The poll was carried out before the boy/hospital/phone incident and before Jonathan Ashworth's taped "banter".

They might have cancelled each other out. They might not. 🤷🏼‍♀️

There are already last-ditch attempts all over MN this morning to convert the undecided. I've already reported a couple of posts. Expect the canvassers later. We don't want any of our posts deleted. So I'm going to offer them a Pimms and assorted nuts.

That’s ok singing, here is the pensive piano music from love actually (beautiful piece of music tbf) that they often used for tales of woe on Xfactor, that I will play in my head when they duly arrive. (Which apparently is something they never do...)

Have a listen, you’ll recognise it....

Thank you, Epic. It is indeed a lovely piece of music but - confession time - I've never heard it before because I've never watched Love Actually or the X Factor.

I'm just a cultural philistine, aren't I? 😔

“I'm just a cultural philistine, aren't I? 😔”

Good lord no! 😂😂😂

Well, it’s often trotted (even seen it on other programmes) out as sob story background music, so as long as you have that in mind, we are all good! 😂

THREE letters this morning - one each from Labour, Conservative and Brexit parties. And a hand-delivered Labour leaflet.

But. They NEVER goad us. That NEVER happens, so doubtless we won’t need it...🙄😉😂

Morning all - I'll have a barm please landlady without egg but with ketchup if possible.

I am now on a sense of dread for tomorrow - I don't really know what more to say this morning :( - feeling a bit sick TBH.

“I am now on a sense of dread for tomorrow - I don't really know what more to say this morning sad - feeling a bit sick TBH.”

I still have enough faith in this country (for now), to not return us these Mao loving, scary marxist cunts, but we will see, it’s all to play for...😬