What wording for invitations when asking for no plastic toy gifts?

[Nocommentisacomment]

My DD will be 5 soon and I’m planning a birthday party for around 15 children.

People have always been incredibly generous with gifts, which is lovely, but she really does have plenty already and I’m trying to reduce the amount of plastic in our lives as much as possible. I don't want more plastic toys that might only get played with once or end up being thrown away.

I can’t really ask for books either: my kids already have 300+ and we go to the library regularly (both DH and I read for a living, so our house is basically a library itself). There’s also a very good chance we’d end up with books she already has.

I could ask for a £5 donation towards something she really wants, but she gets so excited about receiving presents that I feel a bit bad about her having nothing to open.

I was thinking of putting something on the invitation along the lines of “no plastic toys, please”. I would be more than happy with second-hand wooden toys (Vinted etc.), craft things or similar. But I’m worried people might find this annoying or feel it’s an inconvenience.

What would you put on the invitation?

My son has been to many parties, not one person has ever suggested specific gifts for presents or things to avoid. Feel free to put no plastic gifts,but be prepared that some people really dislike to be told what they can/cannot buy, and they will buy what they want. I think the best approach is to politely say no gifts please. I personally always message the parent and ask for ideas,
so I will be led by them, or I just stick some money in a card.

I honestly didn’t realise that people who aren’t interested in ethical living would feel the need to tell off those who are.

Are you sure you read for a living, op? Nowhere on this thread has anyone said that they’re not interested in ethical living or that they don’t care about the avalanche of plastic leeching into everything and everyone. Of course people care.

You asked how to word this sentiment on a Birthday party invitation.
a) There isn’t a way to do it without coming across as sanctimonious and grabby (you generally don’t reference presents in party invitations, except to say no need).

b) As most parents twig early on, it’s the opening of lots of cheap presents, such as end up being given by party invitees, which contributes to the adrenalin rush that is part and parcel (no pun intended) of a young child’s party. Once opened, there is absolutely no guarantee that the ‘worthy’ presents will hit the mark any more than the ‘crappy’ ones. What you do with any which are discarded is to re-gift or donate.

If this isn’t your experience, then you’ll already know how to word your request, and it will be received in the way it’s intended by your circle of friends. People can only advise from their own experience, which posters have done.

Maybe be as direct as you are here in real life and soon enough not many people will want to send their kids round to play with yours so you’ll have less plastic crap any way 🥰

we kindly ask for no gifts, please.

Yes but loads of craft/gardening/baking type gifts suitable for 5 year olds will contain plastic? Parents of 5 year olds are frequently time and/or cash poor and will generally grab something from the supermarket toy section or I know some parents who stock up on birthday presents in the sales so will already have a stash to gift from. Personally I wouldn’t be visiting a garden centre to purchase a plum tree for my child’s school friend’s 5th birthday party.

Sorry OP I’m still of the view it is generally thought rude to mention presents in a child’s birthday party invite and if you feel that strongly about it I’d say no gifts. Otherwise I’d accept your daughter might get some “plastic tat” (not quite sure what that would include?) and you can then explain to her it’s the thought that counts and regift/donate what she doesn’t want.

I’m surprised at all the replies to be honest 😅 I’d be happy to have some direction as to what the birthday child likes!!

Are the invitations being given out in plenty of time @Nocommentisacomment? If so then I think it’s fine to have something on it. If you’re handing them out close to the party date then it might annoy people a bit as I know some people keep a supply of presents for class parties etc.

What about just saying that she has so many toys and doesn’t really need anymore but loves gardening and would be delighted if the invited child could pick her some flower seeds for the garden?

I wouldn’t say it’s the norm in my area to put requests on other than “no gifts please”, and I’ve had a couple that have requested no sweets due to allergies, but I certainly don’t think it’s offensive!

Just go through the gifts with your dd afterwards, and let her choose which ones she would play with/keep, and the others, take her to a charity shop to hand over, which then gives her an insight into others who are not as fortunate as herself. Or keep them til Xmas and do one of those shoebox donations.

Me too!

@Tiltedd and if you are as mean in real life….
@Nocommentisacomment asking for boardgames could be an option? local charities and charity shops are usually desperate for them, especially if brand new!

If you have received such requests regarding presents in the invitations your child has been invited to in your group of friends, do the same. Copy one of them and send it out as, it seems the norm. No problem

I find a lot of these replies so sad but I also know how any threads related to the environment tend to go on Mumsnet.

Some great suggestions on how to word it though.

I'd do something like:

Your presence is the best gift, no presents necessary. If you'd really like to get something, DD would be just as happy with something secondhand or a pound towards a trip to the toy shop.

I'd love a request like that! Dreading the plastic party tat years. I don't care if it's nobby, I will be doing my best to avoid as much plastic as possible in the party bags.

But OP has already said she doesn't want "no gifts" she actually really wants gifts for her daughter but only if they meet the specific criteria.

The craft kit point is a good one but you can literally get vegetable and flower seeds in most supermarkets. And if OP gives the option of no gifts I don't really see the problem. Harder to get to a Hobbycraft than grab some seeds or something from ASDA

I don’t agree at all. I always ask what the child is into these days and what kind of hobbies or gifts they actually like. Whether the parent says Paw Patrol, gardening, dinosaurs or whatever else, I can always find something around £10 : and that includes plenty of non-plastic options.

I honestly think the “I don’t have the money” excuse is often more about “I can’t be bothered.” People can happily sit on their phones scrolling for hours, but apparently sending a quick text to ask what the child likes and spending 20 minutes ordering something online is suddenly too much effort.

I’ve never just turned up with some random gift without having the slightest clue what the child would want. If you genuinely care enough to buy a present, you can make a tiny bit of effort to get something they’ll actually enjoy. It’s not difficult; it’s just a matter of priorities.

The OP doesn’t want to give the option of no gifts. She wants her DD to have presents to open. I’m sure OP knows her DD best but I feel slightly sorry for a 5 year old who has 15 presents to open that are all packs of seeds.

The problem is it sounds like op would be upset with anything that wasn't the RIGHT craft or garden presents. So if someone brought some a plastic trowel, fork etc that wouldn't be good enough. If someone brought craft items in a plastic items, eugh! that wouldn't be good enough. You go into a highstreet store and buy kids crafts, most of them are in plastic and disposable. They aren't going to align with ops ethics or be good enough for her child

"Nowhere on this thread has anyone said that they’re not interested in ethical living or that they don’t care about the avalanche of plastic leeching into everything and everyone. Of course people care"

So, in theory they care, but in real life they don’t?

@MrsPMole why, if that’s what the child will actually use?
Most parents unfortunately give what they think a child should like, not what the child actually likes. My kids has learned by year 1 to get the charity shop bag out for gifts from their parties - the vast majority was of no interest to them. Great for our local hospital and their children’s ward, not great for my kids.

@Tiltedd My children has plenty of friends to play with. I think we will survive.

@herewegoagainonwednesday
Thank you, she loves boardgames and puzzles!

If she likes plants you could say "x loves gardening and would love seeds or a small pot plant as a gift". Or just ask for books, you can never have too many books (i buy books as standard gifts as i too hate tat)

I also posted in the Ethical Living forum, hoping that people who actually care about ethical living would answer. I purposely didn’t post in the parenting forum because I knew people would be like.

Because if it was really about ethical living you would be happy if some children brought books or no gifts at all. But it’s greedy and entitled that you will want all 15 guests to bring gifts, you just want to dictate what they can bring.

You’re misconstruing what I’ve said. Most people don’t gift things without thought or effort but when children turn 5 there tend to be a lot of parties and 5 year olds can be fickle so the amount of thought time and energy you have to put into it might be limited. You can get some great stuff in a supermarket toy aisle (Lego sets, friendship bracelet kits) and if possible I’d always try and involve my child in choosing something for their friend. I wouldn’t be particularly pleased at being told to scour Vinted or charity shops for a price and age appropriate present that was free from plastic.
The most thoughtful present I ever got for one of my DDs friends was a pink light up (plastic)skipping rope that she’d played with at our house and loved. She was delighted- her and my DD used to take them into school every day.

In our class someone usually organises a collection then buys something of choice for the birthday child (usually toy shop vouchers)

There are plenty of non-plastic options that don’t cost more. The world we live in just puts plastic right in front of your face. That doesn’t mean non-plastic options don’t exist; it just means you have to put in a bit more effort to find them.

It’s the same with clothing. Everything seems to be polyester, even expensive clothes. You can absolutely find affordable clothes made from natural materials; it’s just going to take more than five minutes to find them.