What wording for invitations when asking for no plastic toy gifts?

[Nocommentisacomment]

My DD will be 5 soon and I’m planning a birthday party for around 15 children.

People have always been incredibly generous with gifts, which is lovely, but she really does have plenty already and I’m trying to reduce the amount of plastic in our lives as much as possible. I don't want more plastic toys that might only get played with once or end up being thrown away.

I can’t really ask for books either: my kids already have 300+ and we go to the library regularly (both DH and I read for a living, so our house is basically a library itself). There’s also a very good chance we’d end up with books she already has.

I could ask for a £5 donation towards something she really wants, but she gets so excited about receiving presents that I feel a bit bad about her having nothing to open.

I was thinking of putting something on the invitation along the lines of “no plastic toys, please”. I would be more than happy with second-hand wooden toys (Vinted etc.), craft things or similar. But I’m worried people might find this annoying or feel it’s an inconvenience.

What would you put on the invitation?

But plenty of board games and puzzles will be plastic based so presumably thsyre not good enough either.

In real life you have to balance your ethics with trying not to piss off other people too much in the course of letting them know what your ethics are. If you don’t want any more plastic tat in the house, it’s better to say ‘it’s a no presents party!’ than ‘we’re expecting presents, but don’t want any more of your plastic tat in the house.’ Your dd will be disappointed though, and I doubt that every ethical present she’s ever received has been a hit, or that she’s hated every tat present she’s been given.

This has nothing whatsoever to do with forcing my ethics on anyone else. I’m making a decision about my own child’s birthday and what I’m comfortable bringing into my home.

Apparently saying “please don’t give my child unnecessary plastic junk” is now considered imposing your ethics on other people. It isn’t. You’re perfectly free to buy whatever plastic toys you want for your own children. I’m equally free to say I don’t want them for mine.

Plastic is an environmental problem and it’s not magically going to become sustainable because people get offended when someone chooses to use less of it. Eventually, we’re going to have to reduce unnecessary plastic anyway. I’d rather start now than keep producing and throwing away useless crap just because “that’s what people do.”

If that somehow “pisses people off,” they’re welcome to be pissed off. I’m still not filling my child’s birthday with plastic junk to make other adults feel better.

I totally get what you are saying - even popular toys aren’t like by every child.

can you say something along the lines of….

Just incase you’d like to know what The Birthday Girl loves at the moment….. she loves doing crafts and art too. She really enjoys gardening- she has the tools but would love anything she can plant and watch grow. And really enjoys baking too. Looking forward to seeing you !

Ah, but the OP doesn't want books. They already have too many and, apparently, donating dupes doesn't fit into her standards of ethical living.

And of course, the easy answer, is, no gifts necessary, or a donation to a charity, but the OP doesn't want that either. She wants gifts, but no tat or books, a special shopping trip and for the right gifts which, I would guess need to be wrapped in handmade paper made out of grass dried over the flame of a nonsulferous match.

Honestly, you can care about living ethically and get over yourself, OP.

Then just say “no gifts please”. It’s really not difficult!

@Nocommentisacomment you have to remember that there is a difference with toys made of plastic.
Some are amazing quality and last for decades.
Is that necessarily a bad thing?
Surely it's better to have something that can be used for years and years.
My mum recently replaced her bread bin. A plastic one she had owned since 1969. It was older than me.
It went in her recycling and she has replaced with a metal one.
I have a wooden one I bought about 18 months ago. It's already going a bit manky (it doesn't clean up well).
I know you want to avoid plastic toys but unfortunately when you have a large birthday party for a child it's very hard to insist on specific gifts and you are going to end up with lots of stuff your child isn't interested in.
To be honest going by a lot a threads I read on Mumsnet I think people are tired of the large party concept. Too expensive, too much to organise, people don't turn up, too many children whose names you don't even know...and yes - too many gifts.
You might have to grin and bare it this year but next year just invite 4 or 5 of your daughter's close friends.
Less gifts and as close friends they will be more aware of what your daughter likes.
🙂

Plum tree in my garden centre £72 last week.

Perhaps suggest a garden centre voucher or a £1 coin in a card so dd can choose a new fruit tree.
I'd happily run with that suggestion..

I feel like you can say something like
Please don't feel you need to bring a gift. However, DD is into fun pens, stickers, colouring pencils, crafty bits, card games and puzzles.
Or similar. Rather than saying EUW don't buy me plastic!

Here I am, naively thinking people actually want to buy something a child will genuinely like and enjoy.

Apparently, the better approach is to just throw random toys at them without giving any thought to what they like, what they already have, or whether they’ll actually want it. How thoughtful.

So should I ask for books knowing that my child will most likely open them and find that we already have them? We actually use the books we own, so she’ll recognise them straight away.

I honestly don’t understand why giving people a simple suggestion for something the child will actually use and enjoy is apparently such a controversial concept.

You seem almost comically unable to comprehend the substance of the replies. You just keep repeating the same things over and over in response to a minority of replies. It's almost as if this whole thing is some kind of windup?

Your replies here alone have probably created a digital footprint with an equal environmental impact to a box of legos.

People have said, by all means, mention that she enjoys gardening, drawing, games, puzzles, whatever. That's different than saying, no plastic accepted.

Honestly, can you read?

FFS

And yet, you won’t accept books as gifts either so none of this really rings true.
The idea that a 4 year old already had all the books is ridiculous.
If you wanted a realistic, plastic free, consumeristic free gift that marks the occasion for your child, provides long lasting entertainment for years to come and was sustainable you would be happy with a book.

So should I ask for books knowing that my child will most likely open them and find that we already have them? We actually use the books we own, so she’ll recognise them straight away.

Yes, of course. First of all you might discover some new ones that she'll treasure. Secondly, if you're all that into ethical living, it's a perfect opportunity to say to her, what a lovely thought, but we already have that one, let's bring it to (whoever) for another 5 year old who isn't so lucky.

Do you want to teach her to be ethical or acquisitive? That it's the thought of someone having picked out a book they thought she'd enjoy or the end result material possession that's important?

You're quite inconsistent.

@Nocommentisacomment you are fighting a battle you can’t win…. on mumsnet, plastic crap is utterly desirable for children.
I would focus on asking for thinks she has a chance of enjoying (you said board games and puzzles), and where what you don’t want is desirable for charities (boardgames and puzzles fit the bill again - most youth clubs and children’s hospitals love them). Most charities don’t like books as they get millions of the same books - whatever is popular right now, plus classics- so not a good thing to ask for.

I also feel like I’m surrounded by parents who have very similar views to mine, so I honestly don’t think they would find this nearly as offensive as some of the Mumsnet posters seem to think.

Make your mind up. You said in your OP that you’re worried people would find your request annoying or an inconvenience. Now you’re saying you’re surrounded by parents with similar views to you, so what’s your problem?

People don’t carefully pick out a book they think the child might line. They either tend to bring whatever is popular, what they think an x year old boy/girl should like, or what was cheap.
1 and 3: you’ll likely get it at least twice, and you already have it
2: only good if your child likes stereotypical stuff
Many charity shops don’t take books either…

And if she is surrounded by parents with similar views, presumably they wouldn’t give plastic toys anyway!

If I saw no plastic on an invitation, I'd buy a big bar of chocolate. I couldn't even imagine trying to work out if Monster Bingo had too much plastic in it, or if the craft set was too plasticky.
My kids might have 10-20 parties in a year, and I just don't have time to curate an interesting present for every child, though I'd make an effort for close friends. So quite often it's something from the present cupboard rather than me going out shopping.

Despite my views, my kids loved plastic toys, as did many of their friends. They play with the toys, then at some point, we donate to a smaller relative or a charity shop.

That works when children are older and are have much closer friendships.
Your daughter is turning 5. Her party could be one of 20 or 30 parties that the children have been invited too over a year. For parents that means her gift will be one of potentially 30 gifts they've had to buy.
Parents can't keep track of who likes what.
It's so much better when the party is 4 besties invited around for tea.

The parents who are going to spend time hunting down and buying considered, non-plastic toys are the parents who are going to think about the books. We always enjoyed picking out the ones we thought the child would enjoy or that we loved, and, truthfully did discover books and authors that we would never have come across if we hadn't received them as gifts.

And I've done work with this fabulous charity that loves nothing more than book donations

https://childrensbookproject.co.uk/families-and-individuals/

So? Donate them then...

When my DC were invited to parties I always used to try and get a gift idea from the parents - is that not common with your friend group?

It’ll be much easier to have a conversation rather than worry about a phrase.

It’s easier to guide conversationally e.g.

“DD would love insert item of clothing” or “DD has her eye on this book” or “DD is saving up for XXX would you like to contribute?” Or “DDs hobbies are and she doesn’t have…”

have a few suggestions ready for when people ask.

Ehh?? I hate plastic tat, I much prefer wooden toys in my house and like you am concerned about the environment and would much prefer not to be given a load of plastic crap at my Dds birthday party. However,
like you I also don't want my DD to miss out on gifts at her party and I'm not rude enough to expect people to bring my child gifts and then think I'm entitled to make demands/ set limits on what they can buy. If people ask, then of course! But you can't politely preemptively tell people what to gift. A gift is just that- a gift, given at the pleasure / discretion of the giver.
Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I think you would do well to open your mind a little and consider the perspective that so many people on this thread are sharing with you.

Its a good point that you can do this wifh family or close friends...
For school friends parents just want to pick up a nice gift, without the hassle of no plastic, or no xyz. Savvy mums may pick up items on sale or 10 books for £10 and have them.on a bottom drawer ready to go.
Dd has a class party tomorrow...so obviously asked what the kid likes...dd says duh everyone just wants gui gui. So gui gui it was. No idea what the mum feels about it but hey ho, dd was pleased to choose it, and hopefully birthday girl will be pleased to receive it 😊