What wording for invitations when asking for no plastic toy gifts?

[Nocommentisacomment]

My DD will be 5 soon and I’m planning a birthday party for around 15 children.

People have always been incredibly generous with gifts, which is lovely, but she really does have plenty already and I’m trying to reduce the amount of plastic in our lives as much as possible. I don't want more plastic toys that might only get played with once or end up being thrown away.

I can’t really ask for books either: my kids already have 300+ and we go to the library regularly (both DH and I read for a living, so our house is basically a library itself). There’s also a very good chance we’d end up with books she already has.

I could ask for a £5 donation towards something she really wants, but she gets so excited about receiving presents that I feel a bit bad about her having nothing to open.

I was thinking of putting something on the invitation along the lines of “no plastic toys, please”. I would be more than happy with second-hand wooden toys (Vinted etc.), craft things or similar. But I’m worried people might find this annoying or feel it’s an inconvenience.

What would you put on the invitation?

@Nocommentisacomment
Is the party going to be held in the UK with majority Uk invitees?

In my mind you have a few options.
• State the type of gift you don’t want, ie plastic crap, and accept that there may be those who dislike this and possibly even a few who might purposely ignore it.
• State the type of gifts your child would appreciate and accept that there will be some who dislike this because they feel you have made life more complicated for them.
• Suggest one specific gift, with a price tag say £75, and ask a friend if they could organise a collection from the 15 children so everyone gives the gift together. ( This is how we did it where I live on the continent)?
• State no gifts
• Say nothing and donate what isn’t appreciated.

I ‘ve realised that when you try and express your preferences, say not eating processed foods or drinking alcohol, just as an example, it’s impossible to do so without some people taking it as a criticism. You can be the most eloquent person alive, but they will still feel judged. There’s no getting around it.
To be honest I wouldn’t even bother spending too much time thinking about how to word things.

I'm in Ireland. A few years ago a small primary school started 'Cárta Cúig' it literally translates to Card Five

Parents put it somewhere on the invite. Other parents then know - if you wish to give a gift €5 in a card is perfect.

The child then buys what they want.

Could you start something like that? It took hold here quickly!

You could say we are following the fiver trend this year for Sarahs birthday.

Whatsapp message

Hi All, For Sarah's birthday this year we are following the fiver trend.

Instead of us all trailing around the shops every second week, if the kids want to bring something, they just bring a birthday card with a £5 note inside. It saves everyone a fortune and lets the birthday child save up for one big thing they actually want.

No pressure and either way we can't wait to see you and little Gemma on the 22nd.

This we did this 2 Xmas' ago- with mixed results I have to say. But please donate to the children's society is a lovely thought or an enviromental charity if that is more your bag...

I think in these cost of living times your ‘no plastic tat’ message is totally tone deaf and insulting to your daughter’s friends’ families who will bring her whatever on their radar to bring. She’s lucky and privileged obviously to be having a party at all- please then don’t make it a big deal what presents people should bring for her. You can make her party that you are hosting and your own gifts for her as plastic-free as you wish to do.
Instead of sending the message you spend the time to prepare and find contacts to pass on anything that you don’ approve of afterwards to a charity shop, women’s shelter, or your kids’ school or the local library. Just don’t put it in landfill, make sure it goes to a good home and then your conscience is clear. There are lots of kids that need toys.

Between all my dc they only went to one party where this was written on the invite
"Emily is becoming interested in the environment and asked me to say she'd rather not have plastic toys.* "

Rather backfired when Emily opened the presents, 7 of which had read the invite and provided books, wooden toys or similar. And the eighth which was a set of plastic food to which she clasped it to her and said something along the lines of "oh! I've always wanted this," and didn't put it down for most of the party.
We did smile. Mum was very embarrassed.

*tbf to her Mum I can actually believe that Emily did say something along the lines that would have led Mum to think she had said that as I suspect it had come from older sister whose class had been doing about plastic usage. However, due to being 4yo, she clearly hadn't really understood what it meant.

Your wish is completely understandable and normal. Just some of the posters have very peculiar ideas about gifts.

Maybe phrase it in a positive way " if you plan to bring a gift, we would appreciate something small for crafting or planting".

I'd not focus on the plastic vs wooden, as it makes some people jump as you can see in this thread.

And... gifting stuff from Temu is quite rude - who in their right mind would gift someone stuff whithout basic safety certification, but obviously some people don't consider rude anything they are doing.

Nothing. People want to buy gifts they think your DC will like, not things they think will meet your aesthetic standards. The sad truth is that parents like wooden toys while children often prefer garish plastic tat. But it’s her birthday, not yours.

I suppose you could say she would love additions to her Lego or Sylvanians collection, or something like that, but frankly I think it is more polite to let people give whatever they want to, and show gratitude. You can always donate to a charity afterwards.

It’s a difficult one but I think,it’s best not to say anything unless people ask then give them ideas of something that suits. What about colouring books or games etc.

OP you mentioned you have been to plenty of parties where specific things have been asked for and don’t find it weird or offensive or cheeky. In that case, you don’t really need this thread, just copy the wording, as presumably some of these people are your guests.

Problem solved.

I think it's much easier to say ' There is no need to bring a gift, however, if you want to give something Jane loves gardening so would appreciate some flower/vegetable/salad seeds that she can grow', than ' no plastic toys or books' or wooden toys only, preferably from vinted'.
Fwiw, I agree with some pps that things like Lego can always stand an addition or two. My dgc love playing with Lego/Duplo. They spend a lot of time with us and love playing with the same Lego and other plastic toys that had belonged to their daddy and uncle when they were children. Also, it is much easier to keep those sort of thing clean whereas it's much more difficult to give wooden toys a good clean without spoiling them.

Specify no presents at all.

@Nocommentisacomment
I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if this has been suggested
How about suggesting donations to children’s charity ( of your choice?) instead if a gift?

We’ve done this before, explained that the party is enough……. There are children who are sick etc…., who we can help…… my kids have been happy to go along with this.

Whatever you say it will come across as rude.

Be careful what you wish for. I googled Banknotes. They are made of polymer which is a type of plastic so you won't want any of them either presumably.

I agree this is a good solution, but the OP wants her daughter to have gifts to open on the day

Plastic toys are such fun though. I’d much rather have received a Barbie than a wooden toy. To be fair though, I played with them for YEARS. I don’t see how a plastic toy automatically = disposable rubbish that is played with once and then disposed of.

I put ‘no gifts necessary’ on the invites to a 5th birthday party for my DS as I feel similarly to you. Everyone turned up with one anyway! (We were obviously gracious about it and it was very kind of them but I don’t know how much clearer I could have been!)

Why not accept everything she gets then keep it until the Christmas shoe box appeals come out?
You could add a hat, gloves etc and involve your own child?

You either ask for no gifts or you accept what you're given with good grace.

For goodness sake OP, just accept graciously any gifts and allow your child to decide whether she likes them or not. If not, then offer to a charity shop so another child can benefit. Simple. I understand the points you are trying to make, but it is a small child's birthday party and not all about you and what you consider acceptable. Absolutely do not specify, or provide 'guidance' as unless all the parents are aligned to your own thinking, it will not be taken well.

I saw someone on IG today who put something on their invites along the lines of “ give a gift of a toy or book your child no longer plays with” and I thought that was nice.

Where I live we have toonie parties ( $2 coin from each guest) or high five parties $5 from each guest. It works really well maybe you can start a new trend amongst your kids friend group.

I was simply asking for people’s ideas and experiences of buying or receiving non-plastic items.

Judging by the responses, it seems that quite a few people here have never actually bought or received anything without plastic, which I find rather bizarre. Apparently the idea of choosing something that isn’t made of or accompanied by a mountain of plastic is completely incomprehensible.

I think I’ve learned my lesson — Mumsnet probably isn’t the best place to ask for ideas about reducing plastic. I’ll look elsewhere.

Thank you to everyone who gave me some good ideas. It’s nice to know there are still people who are open to thinking a little differently.

Oh op. Dont be that parent. Accept what you get with good grace and manners.
Teach your dd social skills.
It's fine when older and say getting married to have requests, not at 5.

I think if you’re saying that you still want her to have gifts, but that you don’t want her to have plastic toys or books, then you’d have to say what it is you want. If I got an invite that said no plastic toys or books, I wouldn’t know what to get in the £5-10 budget that I’d allow for a kid’s party.