What wording for invitations when asking for no plastic toy gifts?

[Nocommentisacomment]

My DD will be 5 soon and I’m planning a birthday party for around 15 children.

People have always been incredibly generous with gifts, which is lovely, but she really does have plenty already and I’m trying to reduce the amount of plastic in our lives as much as possible. I don't want more plastic toys that might only get played with once or end up being thrown away.

I can’t really ask for books either: my kids already have 300+ and we go to the library regularly (both DH and I read for a living, so our house is basically a library itself). There’s also a very good chance we’d end up with books she already has.

I could ask for a £5 donation towards something she really wants, but she gets so excited about receiving presents that I feel a bit bad about her having nothing to open.

I was thinking of putting something on the invitation along the lines of “no plastic toys, please”. I would be more than happy with second-hand wooden toys (Vinted etc.), craft things or similar. But I’m worried people might find this annoying or feel it’s an inconvenience.

What would you put on the invitation?

So we have had the hottest summer on record, caused by climate change and yet it's awful for a family to say no to plastic toys . . . we're doomed.

I think part of the block here might be the cultural context - where making a request like you are wanting to (rightly or wrongly) will be attributed layers of meaning beyond 'I don't want to be the reason behind purchases of cheap plastic 'almost-landfill' gifts'.

Trying to effect change will probably be counterproductive if attempted in this context. I think your options are specifically requesting 'seeds or a small plant are gifts that x will love', 'second-hand gifts only please', or 'no presents - just your presence'.

Your actual request will still underlie these and some people will get the message at varying degrees of consciousness. You also won't increase the defensiveness and entrenchment of others.

Best of luck - I've been where you are and it's tricky.

There’s no way to say what you want to say without coming across as a patronising twat. I would absolutely judge any class mum who asked for specific gifts or said no plastic, even though I don’t buy loads of tat for my kids or other peoples. It’s a £10 class party present, so expecting other parents to ask for suggestions or take on board suggestions for 20 or so class parties per year per child so each child gets what they want (or rather what you want) is ridiculous. Donate the excess crap and move on, it’s not that deep.

Nah, I'm with you and I think it's fine to say
"Non-plastic and/or pre-loved toys would be most appreciated". I do think you have to not labour it though so you will have to risk receiving books she already has. There are charitable schemes for passing on any duplicates.

We did similar this year for our DD’s birthday which is very closely after Xmas - the house is literally full and we have no more space for stuff. Party of around 30 kids. We sent a very carefully politely worded message saying presents not needed, please don’t feel you need to bring anything, if you want to get something which really don’t need to then a couple of ££s to max £5 would be very appreciated for her who is saving to get something herself. It was really well received, we had lots of feedback from parents saying how much they appreciated it, and she did still get a few gifts, books mainly, and she still really enjoyed opening her cards and the gifts she received (and of course had plenty to open from family). I’d have no qualms about doing the same again, as uncomfortable as i felt it was, but I have noticed no one else has really done it this year including parents who contacted me about it!

Don't feel you need to get X a gift, but if you would like to, we're trying to gradually reduce our plastic use. X loves packets of seeds, cookie kits, wooden toys, book vouchers (she already has a lot of books) and....

not outrageous, but you have said she already has enough toys and books so what's wrong with "no gifts"m

You could say that you welcome second hand gifts but you can’t say no plastic

But it will not come across well if you take this line. If you’re asked what she likes you could say craft supplies or a football etc, but I wouldn’t say no plastic toys.

Donate anything she doesn’t want, or sell it. By the time mine were about 9, people put a £5 or more in a card, so this won’t go on for years.

Another option would be a book token/ Waterstones voucher as she would love to choose a book. I loved it when parents said that. £5 Waterstones voucher and a big chocolate medal or similar. Job done.

My boys at this age wanted to choose their friend’s gift, they would be excited about it. They would have felt sad if forced to get something the birthday boy wouldn’t like
it’s a big part of childhood

Hi, ignoring all the snarky replies and going back to your original question.
for my kids I’ve usually made the nice themed around the things that child would like (so lego, or crafts, or skincare for example) even if that’s not the theme of the party, as then it gives parents a good idea of what the child is into. And from my experience, for small parties their friends know what they’re into anyway or for big class parties parents often msg and ask what the child would like or what their interests are, so then you can point them in the right direction 😊

really? I would be really offended if someone said “no plastic toys please” anything your little one gets I’m sure she will be grateful for, is she doesn’t play with it pop it in a local charity shop, pop on vinted yourself and give her the money that it sells for.

OP said she didn't want this as her child would like something to open and her daughter has 300 books anyway.

From personal experience, if you say "no gifts required" or similar, most people will respect the request and won't bring anything but there will be a few who bring a token gift, something small and/or handmade. So you will avoid being inundated, but probably still end up with a few gifts for your DD to unwrap. In the excitement of the party, she's unlikely to keep track of who brought what, if anything, anyway.

This. It’s bad taste to demand one way or the other imo. People gift because they want to.. it’s their pleasure to give! Definitely don’t say no gifts. Or wooden gifts only. You can donate to a good cause if you want to subsequently.
I might consider putting something about crafting if your child loves that; at least parents’ would have a rough theme to aim for. If I don’t know the child well I look for clues on the invite so Disney film or whatever the invite has / says on it- this often gives a clue about what sort of things they like! So you could consider that.

@NocommentisacommentI don’t think you’re being outrageous at all. It’s very simple and I think it’s quite lazy of parents to buy rubbish from temu and the likes.

we’ve had the same over the years. Was easier as they got older and had smaller parties! We were lucky that we knew a lot of parents and it was common to just ask each other what their child would like. If in doubt £5 in a card!

whats the relationship like with the families? How do you think they’d take a note requesting no tat? (Put nicely of course!). I think this matters. With a lot of our friends we could just be blunt and/or jokey!

one year I got my child to design the invite and then drew and used stickers to put some ideas on the invite! As art/decor. So more subtle. I wonder if you could decorate the invites with “I love..” and then some pics of gardening, crafts etc. Or could you have an eco party and make it part of the party!

@NocommentisacommentI don’t think you’re being outrageous at all. It’s very simple and I think it’s quite lazy of parents to buy rubbish from temu and the likes.

we’ve had the same over the years. Was easier as they got older and had smaller parties! We were lucky that we knew a lot of parents and it was common to just ask each other what their child would like. If in doubt £5 in a card!

whats the relationship like with the families? How do you think they’d take a note requesting no tat? (Put nicely of course!). I think this matters. With a lot of our friends we could just be blunt and/or jokey!

one year I got my child to design the invite and then drew and used stickers to put some ideas on the invite! As art/decor. So more subtle. I wonder if you could decorate the invites with “I love..” and then some pics of gardening, crafts etc. Or could you have an eco party and make it part of the party!

Accept any gifts and then donate the ones you dont need. Not every kid is as fortunate as your DD.

Totally understand you wanting to do this, I’ve always felt the same. But I agree with the other replies, it’s a tricky thing to communicate. I always just give money in a card to other children, but appreciate I can’t dictate others do the same for my children. Same with party bag tat - I feel uncomfortable at the waste of them so never give out plastic tat in ours but I wouldn’t refuse someone giving one to my child for risk of upsetting both the host and my children! Unfortunately least socially awkward option is to donate unwanted gifts 🤷‍♀️❤️

I think you should do it @Nocommentisacomment and I'm sorry you feel attacked by the responses here. But you have asked an impossible question, which how can you make this request without the other parents thinking you're rude/sanctimonious/a bit loopy. You can't, as you can see, many of them will. Putting forward tour arguements as to why they shouldn't on here is not going to change that. I freely admit that if I had seen this on an invitation when my kids were little I would've rolled my eyes, and I work in sustainability. But I also would've complied. Most parents will probably comply, some may even agree with you and you'll start a trend, but even if not you will have achieved your aim with regard to the plastics at this particular party.

You want us to reassure you that there's some way of wording this without people thinking you are rude/sanctimonious/loopy but we can't. The responses here demonstrate that quite clearly. Even though most of them (and us) agree there's too much plastic tat in the world. Even though most of them (and us) have probably rolled their eyes and wondered what to do with yet another hand cream gift set. Maddening! But it's rare to be able to take a stance like this at no personal cost, and this is a very minor cost. A few weeks of smirking at the school gate before the next playground drama makes everyone forget all about it. In a few years your dd will probably be having much smaller parties anyway and telling her friends what she wants herself. It's one party. So just do it.

Op I have two daughters (11 and 8) and they've had lots of parties.....never once have they ever received crap plastic tat from Temu from their friends!! What makes you think they would? My daughters friends parents get really nice gifts on the whole.

I also don't understand why wooden toys would be better? At 5 there really aren't many wooden toys that my daughter would have played with.... Only thing can think of is wooden play food for play kitchen.

Why definitely don't say "no gifts"? I've actually quite appreciated it when other parents have said no gifts required for their children's parties - life is expensive enough, and if your child is being invited to multiple parties a year the cost adds up. For this reason, and also because we literally have no more space for more toys, we did the same for our DC's recent party. You can phrase it in a nice way, e.g., "no gifts needed, your presence is enough!" etc., it doesn't need to come across as rude.

I don't like disposable plastic toys, never bought them for my kids and was never given them as a gift either, presume because my circle share my thoughts on such things and witnessed the choices I made. However, I would never have made a request for 'no plastic' or indeed any other demand. As many people have told you, there's not a polite way to do it. We didn't keep every gift forever, and often what was received was a few ££ taped inside a card or a book.

Seems a bit of a 'have your cake and eat it' situation you're after here, as you apparently want your daughter to experience a big pile of gifts... but only tasteful, wooden ones, nothing plastic at all (even the good quality kind), no books and no money. I question how genuine it can possibly be that your daughter would 'not use' any more lego, playmobil, model animals, magnetic building kits etc - almost all these things are designed to be collectable for exactly this reason.

I'm echoing all the above posters -.your only options are no gifts, accept anything given gracefully or come across as pretty snobby and entitled, which you are managing fairly well on this thread..

As I'm a cow if i got something saying no plastic toys

I'd deliberately get the biggest loudest most garish plastic monstrosity just for the host being so pedantic