What wording for invitations when asking for no plastic toy gifts?

[Nocommentisacomment]

My DD will be 5 soon and I’m planning a birthday party for around 15 children.

People have always been incredibly generous with gifts, which is lovely, but she really does have plenty already and I’m trying to reduce the amount of plastic in our lives as much as possible. I don't want more plastic toys that might only get played with once or end up being thrown away.

I can’t really ask for books either: my kids already have 300+ and we go to the library regularly (both DH and I read for a living, so our house is basically a library itself). There’s also a very good chance we’d end up with books she already has.

I could ask for a £5 donation towards something she really wants, but she gets so excited about receiving presents that I feel a bit bad about her having nothing to open.

I was thinking of putting something on the invitation along the lines of “no plastic toys, please”. I would be more than happy with second-hand wooden toys (Vinted etc.), craft things or similar. But I’m worried people might find this annoying or feel it’s an inconvenience.

What would you put on the invitation?

Can I suggest you open all the presents at the party? Hand back any presents unwrapped that use that plastic shiny paper you can't recycle, then give back after opening any present that doesn't meet your requirements.

No tat for you, immediate feedback to the parent and they can regift it to the next party!

Well then stick to asking for seeds, that way suplicates won't matter. I hope your daughter enjoys opening 20 packets of seeds, and you can spend many months planting them and watching them grow. Anything else is going to raise your "not for MY chidk" hsckles

Does your daughter want the plastic tat?! That’s the bigger question!

The thing is this: I imagine you have been on the buying non-plastic toys for quite some time and know some really cool places to get toys of various types made out of wood or other materials. However most people won't have experience of buying their children non-plastic toys. Their go to gift/toy shop, may therefore not have a good range of non-plastic toys.

It's not rude to say "don't buy my daughter plastic toys" per se (for exactly the reasons you have argued), but the implications of this is that people will probably have to spend time researching what to buy and where, because they won't be familiar with these places. Or they will know of a little boutique toy shop that does handmade wooden things where stuff costs a small fortune, but feel they have to spend that much because they don't know where else to get stuff that meets your request. Putting people in that situation is rude.

I guess the other option would be if there are categories of thing that your child would like that have easily available, cheap options, which aren't plastic you could suggest those on the invites - for example - "Lilly is really into reading at the moment, so if you are looking for a small gift, a book would be much appreciated."

I think it’s very judgemental to dismiss everything plastic as ‘tat’ or ‘junk’.

I work 50 hours a week and reserve the right to buy a Lego set as a birthday gift for a party my dc are attending. I’m lucky I can afford it easily.

I’ve always been hugely grateful for any gift my dc receive. They often receive things I’d never have thought to buy them that they’ve absolutely loved.

It isn’t an outrageous demand but it can come across as judgey.

When my daughter had a whole class party (we did it once at pre-school for her 5th birthday), I had been doing some stuff at home for a charity called Mary’s meals. She was involved with packing some backpacks which were given to children for going to school in Malawi, where the charity provides them lunch to encourage parents to send their children so they get an education. She was asking all about it and I showed her a video of the children opening their backpacks. I asked her if, instead of getting presents at her birthday party, she would like me to do a backpack appeal in her nursery and parents could give to that instead. In the end we got 15 full backpacks, and enough stuff to fill another 5. She was absolutely delighted. Some parents also bought a wee gift for her, a couple were quite sniffy about it, but I didn’t care. It was what she wanted. She still got gifts from family and friends, but like your daughter she didn’t need any more of anything that would sit unused in her playroom.

But your op wasn’t so much about letting people know what your dd would really like, as about how you could let them know what you didn’t want.

I was thinking of putting something on the invitation along the lines of “no plastic toys, please”. I would be more than happy with second-hand wooden toys (Vinted etc.), craft things or similar. But I’m worried people might find this annoying or feel it’s an inconvenience.

The emphasis has changed somewhat over the length of the thread. If people ask, then of course it’s sensible to give them a steer in the direction of your dd’s preferences, that’s fine. But you do have to wait to be asked. For a five year old’s party present, from parents who don’t know you well, it would not be unusual to rely on their own child’s preference as a guide, or to give a generic present suitable for that age group. That’s just the way it is.
All that people have been trying to tell you is that it isn’t the done thing to specify the sort of present you would like them to get, unless the giver initiates the conversation, because assuming that a gift will be given is considered presumptuous, and going as far as specifying the gifts you don’t want will just put people’s backs up!

You're not giving people a simple suggestion though.

A simple suggestion would be
Books
Craft supplies
Colouring books
Gardening things

That would be your best bet for reducing the chance of plastic presents, but you wouldn't be able to eliminate it completely as people may get a plastic trowel etc.

OR tell people 'no plastic gifts' but accept you may get some books

OR no gifts at all.

But you've found issue with every one of those options.

Parents might be buying for a different child's birthday each week and they can't accommodate present instructions that are more complex than the above.

This sounds absolutely brutal and a definite way to fall out with every child and parent at school.

The parent goes to the effort and expense of bringing a gift for the child to then open it in front of everyone and say 'this doesn't meet my requirements' and hand it back(!!) Completely humiliating and so rude.

@Nocommentisacomment you are now tying yourself in knots trying to come off as "not being difficult" you don't want this that and the next thing in your house because you don't want clutter is what i think but you want your Dd to have a present to open so trying to control the parents buying, you need to make up your mind what you actually mean.

that posters suggestion was surely meant to be sarcastic?

Eek.

You are repeatedly missing the point. It is not that people on this thread care less about the environment than you do. We are simply pointing out that it is rude to expect gifts from others while pre-emptively dictating what you are willing to receive. That runs entirely contrary to the cultural norms surrounding the giving and receiving of gifts.

If you genuinely care about the environment then ask for no gifts. It is consumption at large - not just plastic consumption - that is having devastating environmental effects. But you don't want to do that because you want your DD to receive gifts - only those gifts that you chose/ consider worthy of receiving. That's rude. Plain and simple.

@Nocommentisacommentbut we are not in your country.

This is how manners and mores work here. You learn something new every day.

What does your child want?

The best approach would be to provide a list of ideas.

Honestly can’t believe how ill-mannered the op is. Giving a present is a kindness. Ironically the op sounds rather “plastic” with her entitlement - “I want this not that.”

I actually totally get where you are coming from. My kids have plenty of “toys” - Barbie dolls, Lego, cars etc. but they choose not to play with those and instead they play make believe or run around the garden or want to bake or crafts. They also have plenty of books. I wouldn’t want a parent to spend money on something for my child that I then donate. That would feel rude. I equally don’t want to waste money on a present for another child, I would rather get them something they would use.

i would probably say: Child is very lucky and has lots of books and toys. Your presence is a gift in itself so please don’t feel any need to buy anything. She does love baking and gardening though so feel free to share a good recipe or a gardening tip!

if my child was invited to a party with that on - I would still want to buy a present and I’d feel good about buying her some baking equipment or a pretty apron or a recipe book.

wow you went defensive here really quickly. The first few posts were just pointing out the reactions you'd likely get, and you came back with "oh apparently it's an 'outrageous demand' " You used those words; no one else did.

It's not outrageous but you will look precious and picky. Just take the plastic toys and regift them to someone else who doesn't want them. I assume this is a class birthday party. The vast majority of people will just be buying or regifting something age appropriate.

Tell your nearest and dearest that you're swearing off the plastics, and leave everyone else to it. imo.

I remember this stage. The tat was awful..

Charity shops did well.

But mine also loved going to a shop and choosing what to get their friend. Mostly tat.

So... Tat it was. For some I got away with money in a card.

But bigger issues ahead so you will get a mix of presents

I wouldn't give a plastic toy to a child who I know comes from a family who is very green in their views.

Do you:

Wear second hand clothes
Shop at vinted/second hand shops
Only have non plastic toys at home
Own good quality toys/clothes that will last a long time
Are not into fast fashion

If you not the above, I think you are being rude and picky

If you are, then perhaps you could put a message saying something a long the lines of (presented which are green for the environment)

While it may sound reasonable to you, it’s asking a lot for a parent to go hunting for a non-plastic toy. Most party gifts I’ve got are from Amazon or Asda. The criteria are: under £10 and age suitable.

I’d decline any invite to a kids party that tried to dictate the gift.

You sound like you don't need gifts as your kid has plenty..how about you don't say anything on the invitation and put all the presents in some shoe boxes for Christmas gifts to children who have nothing.

It is bad form to try to pick and choose what gifts you get. Either 'No gifts' or accept what you get. Anything else and you risk coming across as a sanctimonious, control freak.

OP I'm with you on the preference for non plastic and i usually buy gifts that are paper or crafts based rather than plastic (and there are lots of great options). But, i tend to keep a bag of age appropriate gifts for use at children's parties, I don't go out and get something specific for each party, so I wouldn't be very chuffed with a specific request like that. I don't think it's about the sentiment, it's the expectation.

I don't think there's any way to specify what you want or don't want your dc to receive as a gift without coming across as extremely rude.

Either say no gifts and manage your dds reaction, or just accept gifts.

Your dd is a separate person to you, imo it isn't really your place to intervene between her and a person who wants to give her a gift.

You could ask for no gifts for your own birthday to offset the impact of her gifts if you feel so strongly?