DSis disabled and not looking after baby

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Wasn’t sure where to put this as I’m not often on mumsnet, but do appreciate it when I am.

I have a dilemma about my sister- she has MS and had a baby who’s eight months now. She downs to now how to look after him. Just feeds him lots of bottled milk. He’s obese (officially) and doesn’t have much chance to move as she’s in a small house with lots of furniture and no carpet/ soft surfaces.

shes always been very lazy and the MS makes her life all the harder. She still sees (childless, arty, drug taking) friends. So she’s not completely housebound and sad.

her baby only lies down and can now roll over. But with an experienced/ even inexperienced caregiver I think he’d be starting to go on hand and knees and definitely sitting. He’s not weaning.

I contacted social services when he was two months as I was worried about her and her partner’s lack of effort and basic knowledge about feeding and sleeping. As well as their constant partying. Aaagh!

I have three healthy happy kids and don’t want to be a bossy big sister as it wouldn’t help at all. Just want some advice form people who have had similar issues/ seen similar things.

social services haven’t contacted her as far as I know. The baby is bored and quite neglected : (

• sorry for typos. *Doesn’t and by sad I mean depressed or PND

Contact the GP surgery and ask them to refer Health Visitor and contact Social Services again.

At eight months few babies are walking and only some are sitting etc. it doesn't have anything to do with carpets or furniture.

Mine did not walk until 18 months and nobody cares. Only once they are significantly behind in motor development will the medics or social services begin to think about intervention (and even then it will often be watch and wait).

I believe the official advice now is that weaning is ok from six months but delaying it a bit doesn't really constitute neglect.

www.nhs.uk/start-for-life/baby/weaning/

On what you have said, it wouldn't meet the bar for social services intervention. Do you have other concerns or is this it?

No, not all babies are sitting and crawling at 8 months. So scrap that.

What parenting is she doing? Is the baby getting enough stimulation? Is she literally just feeding & changing nappies and that's all? Need more background

Report again. But also keep close contact, see your nephew as much as you can so you can keep an eye on the situation. Will she let you look after him sometimes? Would you be willing to do that? I'm just thinking you might be able to help with playing with him and stimulating his development.

It does not sound like neglect unless there is more than in op. Presumably you have tried offering support as well as criticism? Does she/oh attend any parenting groups, could you suggest some like swimming? Lots of babies put on weight before they get mobile. Who has said her baby is obese?

Obese That's not a word used referring to babies. So how heavy and how long is he? Once he's moving he'll slim down. And he will start to crawl/walk. Regardless of furniture and how much effort she puts in.

One of mine didn't move an inch at 8 months. Couldn't even sit!

There is no such thing as an officially obese 8 month old and he sounds developmental normal. You however sound incredibly judgemental.

I’m not sure disability is relevant in this. Your concerns are around your sister being very lazy, having a small house with no carpets, baby hasn’t started weaning and your sisters social life. None of this is related to an MS diagnosis. The small house size and choosing not to have carpet isn’t concerning. A one bed flat would adequately house a couple and baby. The health visitor may be a good place to start with getting support for your sister and her spouse/ partner with regards to weaning etc.

How do you know he's obese?
As an aunt can you offer to go to groups with her etc?

Nothing you've mentioned screams neglect op.

What made you phone SS when baby was 2 months old?

Has she started giving him solids as well as milk? If she hasn’t then I’d be concerned but other than that nothing else in you OP would massively concern me. I presume she’s arranging child care when out partying and not leaving the child alone? All the parts about only rolling and not crawling can be normal, my youngest was over 8 months when he crawled, my friends son was nearly 12 months when he crawled, eventually walked at 18 months. Once he moved around more he’ll loose the chubby baby look (or obese as you put it 🙄) really quickly.

If you’re really genuinely concerned and not just being judgemental then contact the health visitor and ask them to do a visit. They’ll have a visit between 10-12 months anyway for the 12 month review.

Why does a lack of carpets and household furniture mean a baby can’t move around? Its developmentally normal not to be crawling or bum shuffling at eight months, our daughter has crawled once in her entire life. Not starting weaning by eight months is also normal, under 12 months food is a play item, not a source of required nutrition, that shouls be coming from milk.

Has she started weaning at all? That would concern me if not.

The baby's motor skills sound ok, one of mine was a late developer in that sense. I've just scrolled back through my photos and at 8mo she was sitting supported but nowhere near crawling or moving from lying to sitting on her own.

If he's only just started to roll, that is quite late. Do you know if she's taken him for regular check-ups and vaccinations? It could certainly be worth asking the GP to arrange for a health visitor to visit.

Based on what you said, that poor child has no stimulation.

I would contact social services and health visiting. It doesn't sound anywhere near bad enough for social care intervention but they may contact her and health visitors may offer some education....... whether she does that or even accepts a visit is up to her.

Delayed weaning when there's no medical issues is downright neglect. Again, probably doesn't meet any threshold at the moment but delayed introduction of solids in an otherwise healthy baby causes problems further down the line... extreme fussiness, oversensitive gag reflex, not learning how to chew, therefore affecting speech.

Unfortunately there are too many children being brought up like this.

If you have genuine concerns rather than just disapprove of her choices then I would contact the SS again or her health visitor, However it is difficult to tell from your post because you have talked about things that are perfectly normal for that age(not crawling at 8 months for example).

Not true about weaning - aside from the fact that they need to progress enough that they aren't getting their nutrition from formula at 12 months, they need to learn to chew and swallow lumps or it will affect them long-term. Both nutritionally and wrt speech.

How on earth can an 8 month old baby, especially one who's not weaning, be obese. That's nonsense

1- babies dint get obese. Seriously, it’s not because a baby is let’s say on the 99th centile they are obese. So lets scrap that.

2- what he is doing just now seem to be developmentally ok.

3- not having solid foods could become an issue. That’s something he needs to start on.

4- I’d be more worried about interactions between the baby and his mum AND dad. So all the singing, playing, cuddling babies need at that age.

Is this your sister? Talk to her, and offer to help her. It does not have to be bossy and over bearing, just sharing and caring.

As your sister has MS I am surprised she had a baby, quite honestly.

I understand why you are concerned, but it doesn’t sound like the baby is actually neglected, just not being parented in the best way.

Does your sister engage with health professionals such as GP and health visitor? I think that is the best place to start as it doesn’t sound from what you have written that they would be considered a case for social services