DSis disabled and not looking after baby

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Wasn’t sure where to put this as I’m not often on mumsnet, but do appreciate it when I am.

I have a dilemma about my sister- she has MS and had a baby who’s eight months now. She downs to now how to look after him. Just feeds him lots of bottled milk. He’s obese (officially) and doesn’t have much chance to move as she’s in a small house with lots of furniture and no carpet/ soft surfaces.

shes always been very lazy and the MS makes her life all the harder. She still sees (childless, arty, drug taking) friends. So she’s not completely housebound and sad.

her baby only lies down and can now roll over. But with an experienced/ even inexperienced caregiver I think he’d be starting to go on hand and knees and definitely sitting. He’s not weaning.

I contacted social services when he was two months as I was worried about her and her partner’s lack of effort and basic knowledge about feeding and sleeping. As well as their constant partying. Aaagh!

I have three healthy happy kids and don’t want to be a bossy big sister as it wouldn’t help at all. Just want some advice form people who have had similar issues/ seen similar things.

social services haven’t contacted her as far as I know. The baby is bored and quite neglected : (

That's a phrase used on parenting websites to reassure parents whose babies don't immediately take to solids.

It's not scientific or medical advice, as discussed upthread weaning is necessary.

Wow, didn’t you give your baby adequate supplements?

If you are concerned that your DSis isn't coping with your Nephew, why haven't you asked if you can support her?
A baby is not obese. They may appear chubby with rolls of fat( my DS2 was like this,)but as they grow this reduces
Her disability is irrelevant in this situation
( I have CP and had 3 babies, I'm happy to report no one judged me)
All babies are different My DS2 hardly moved at 8 months, didn't walk until 18 months but was running by 19 months
How do you know she's not trying small amounts of food?
Do they live with you?

Supplements don't help your child learn to use the muscles in their face to chew.

My first babies had supplements because they were prem. Third didn't as he wasn't. Maybe things have changed in the nearly 13 years since he was born but supplements should be required for few cases, surely?

Healthy food, not supplements is what is important!

A few things are standing out for me here. First, do you like your sister? The tone of voice here doesn't suggest you're particularly close to/approving of her in general.

Secondly, if your sister doesn't appear to know what she's doing, she might well be struggling in whatever way. Have you tried asking her how she's feeling? Is she overwhelmed? Or does she just not have a clue what's needed? If the latter, she needs someone to help her by modelling to her what she should/could do. If your relationship is strong enough, I'd far rather it be me supporting in this than social services (who are, quite frankly, rushed off their feet at the best of times).

I had an obese baby at that age who couldn't sit, roll over or do anything really, I told health visitor of my concerns and advice is ' see what happens, if there's still delay at 3 years then we'll refer' also no carpets, didn't realise no carpets meant neglect.

Do you actually know whats happening as in you're there 24/7 or is this all assumptions on your part?

All breastfed babies should be given vitamin D drops from birth, vitamin A and C from 6 months old, formula fed babies on less than 500ml a day should be given vitamin A, C and D once 6 months plus.

All breastfed babies should have vitamin D from birth, vitamin A and C from six months, formula fed babies should have A, C and D from 6 months plus if they hit less than 500ml of formula per day.

None of that means that they shouldn't be having food.

None of mine had vitamins and nobody told me to give them vitamins, I assumed they got them from milk and food.

Babies by 8 months do need small amounts of food.

Its NHS guidelines, drops are also free for those who receive healthy start vouchers. The guidelines are different for premature babies, our daughter was premature so needed iron supplementation until 6 months corrected as per NHS guidelines.

And food from 6 months!!!

i think on their own each factor isn’t indicative of neglect but put together they suggest your sister may benefit from support in some way.
I think delayed weaning also increases allergy risks.

I can imagine the health visitor would have some view of your sisters parenting abilities . They are the relevant professionals getting into the house . But speak to social services again. All you can do is raise your concerns.

How did you officially diagnose the baby as obese? They say food is for fun before 1. My child had no interest in food until 9 months despite me trying, the health visitors weren't concerned.

I didn't say they don't. I only stated if she was looking at BLW she might not have started if the baby isn't sitting yet....because sitting independently is one of the biggest factor for BLW and its considered normal to delay starting if the baby isn't sitting yet. My local HV's don't worry until a baby is 12 months and not eating (I know.....been there done that with them and a baby that refused to eat)

The OP hasnt given enough information for any of us to know really.

Weaning method doesn't matter, by 8 months babies should be having solids in some form - delaying so long increases the risk of allergies if nothing else.

My son was 98th percentile for weight when he was months old...HV told me to stop feeding him so much but he only had milk at that stage! He was late at eating solids as he didn't like it, didn't sit up til 8 months and didn't walk until 18 months (missed out crawling completely).

They are all different. Offer support. Nothing you've said makes me think the child is in danger. Keep an eye on it but offer support. I would never speak to my sister again if she contacted social services because my childs milestones were different from hers.

Someone needs to tell my local health visitor team then because as professional mum netters consider them wrong

This baby is bottle fed not breastfed so doesn't need any additional supplements.

Are you seriously suggesting an 8 month old should not be fed any food at all?

@SJC2015 are your HV saying 8 month old babies should only have milk?

OP many of the replies here are batshit. If the baby isn’t being weaned then that is absolutely neglect and can result in long term health issues if the situation isn’t changed.

Babies can be obese and formula fed babies who are over fed can carry those weight problems into childhood then adulthood.

Interaction improves outcomes and babies can be neglected by not having their needs met.

Report again and see if your sister can access the encouragement / support she needs.