DSis disabled and not looking after baby

[Redcentre]

Wasn’t sure where to put this as I’m not often on mumsnet, but do appreciate it when I am.

I have a dilemma about my sister- she has MS and had a baby who’s eight months now. She downs to now how to look after him. Just feeds him lots of bottled milk. He’s obese (officially) and doesn’t have much chance to move as she’s in a small house with lots of furniture and no carpet/ soft surfaces.

shes always been very lazy and the MS makes her life all the harder. She still sees (childless, arty, drug taking) friends. So she’s not completely housebound and sad.

her baby only lies down and can now roll over. But with an experienced/ even inexperienced caregiver I think he’d be starting to go on hand and knees and definitely sitting. He’s not weaning.

I contacted social services when he was two months as I was worried about her and her partner’s lack of effort and basic knowledge about feeding and sleeping. As well as their constant partying. Aaagh!

I have three healthy happy kids and don’t want to be a bossy big sister as it wouldn’t help at all. Just want some advice form people who have had similar issues/ seen similar things.

social services haven’t contacted her as far as I know. The baby is bored and quite neglected : (

There is so much low level neglect, thousands and thousands much worse than your DN.

The state/social services can't do it all.

You are family. Either help more or pay for more help.

I don’t understand why you only see them once a month…I’m not sure you’ve explained that. I think if SS aren’t going to get involved (and it sounds as if they won’t) then you have to decide whether you’re going to help. I know you shouldn’t have to help but I think I’d try to take the baby for one day a week. Otherwise nothing will happen.

Runningoutofimaginativeusernsmes - don’t apologise - this is here for our different takes. My response is coloured by experiences from jobs I have done.

also - good name!

This is a myth and people need to stop repeating it. From 6mths babies iron stores are depleting and they absolutely DO need more than just milk. They don't need much, but they do need it.
In addition as a PP has noted, its important developmentally that babies begin to experience new tastes, and textures, and start learning how to manipulate foods in their mouths, moving them from the front of the oral cavity, chewing, and swallowing. An 8 month baby not being offered ANY solid foods is neglect.

Sorry why would you give a young baby artificial 'supplements' instead of suitable real food?!
You dont just not offer a baby food because you are giving them a vitamin!

There's a big difference between a baby refusing food thats offered, and a baby not being offered food at all.

They dont recommend iron supplementation because they recommend FOOD is offered. The iron is in the food. That's why on pages for babies 7-9mths nhs is clear babies should now be being offered food.

Yes, exactly.

You’re right. It hard to watch close up and have hardly any power to help. Because they’re not open to it.

I think you need to reflect on your projection here. Why should I be responsible. If I were her I wouldn’t have had a child. She didn’t really believe he’d grow up. Now he is she can’t cope.
also- check how sexist you are. If I was a man would you say I should see them more?

I live far away, work and have three young kids.

her mother doesn’t help. Not does her father. Not does the state.

Surely the suggestion that you help your nephew out is because you're the one who is concerned and you are his relative. Not because you're female!

You're not responsible for the child, but if you want to state that he's being neglected and neither his parents or the state will intervene, then surely it's an obvious thought to see if you can make a meaningful change in your nephew's life?

Oh look and her partner is severely dyslexic so obviously cant be a good parent either. Because he has ‘a phobia about looking things up’.

And ofc you would never have got pg whilst having MS - because no one wuth MS can look after a child. How silly!

Any other ableist comment @Redcentre ?

Look as many have said there is nothing there that would be seen as an issue.
Your sister doesn’t look after her dc the same way than you. You’ll have to accept that.
When or if you see something really concerning, then yes step in. But it isn’t what you’ve described on here.

Wow. So people with disabilities shouldn't have children? You live far away, don't see them regularly so actually have no idea about how he is being raised

Your coming over very badly. I can see why from your point of view ss have done nothing. You only visit once a month, you've decided baby is overweight and that sister can't look after a baby because she's disabled and dad struggles with reading, you've taken sisters inexperience which every new parent has as a reason for the baby to need what removal? It's only in the last monthly visit when some baby's would be moving you've decided sister has caused a developmental delay and taken your visit to be a true reflection of daily life rather than a snap shot.
You don't want to help but don't want her to have a baby.

Have you always competed as sisters?

I would contact the HV, I think. And keep visiting when possible.

"
I think you need to reflect on your projection here. Why should I be responsible. If I were her I wouldn’t have had a child. She didn’t really believe he’d grow up. Now he is she can’t cope.
also- check how sexist you are. If I was a man would you say I should see them more?

I live far away, work and have three young kids.

her mother doesn’t help. Not does her father. Not does the state."

You said you have a dilemma! People are trying
To help you.

You have made some remarks about your sister and her home which make you sound very judgemental especially when paired with the gem you only see them once per month.

You are not coming across well at all. You do not sound like you want to help at all.

If you did you would take your judgey pants off and be more hands on with your sister who is struggling with an illness.

If god forbid down the line the now child was taken off your sister. You would be one of the first SS would approach to take care of him full time.

It's clear you wouldn't want that. So trying to help out more now would benefit you.

Would she let you have him overnight a couple of times a month? Would you do that?

OP wouldn't have to take him, she'd be asked if she could and if not then SS would look elsewhere.
It doesn't seem like that will ever happen though and OP is just ablist and nasty

@Chichimcgee

Where did I say she would have to take him!

Your not watching close up or helping just criticism

By reporting you are doing the right thing, I would also consider how much help if any you are willing to provide if social services does intervene and find them neglectful.