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Elderly parents
Original poster

Doctors have just moved my mum onto end of life pathway

80 replies

JontyDoggle37 · 04/08/2019 17:28

She’s been in hospital two weeks after a fall and pneumonia, suddenly deteriorated this afternoon, barely conscious and quite distresssed now. Doctors have said this it, waiting for my husband and could do with a handhold

OP posts:
drum123 · 04/08/2019 17:32

So sorry to hear this, Jonty. Flowers

nitgel · 04/08/2019 17:38

Sorry to hear. Please take care of yourselves and get lots of breaks.

Wishiwasrunning2 · 04/08/2019 17:38

Sorry to hear this, hope you have company soon Thanks

Angrybottlethrower · 04/08/2019 17:39

So so sorry OP. Wishing you and your family all the best at this difficult time. Hope you have lots of love and support around you Flowers

Giraffey1 · 04/08/2019 17:41

I am so sorry. We’re here if you want to talk x

HamiltonCampbell · 04/08/2019 17:41

I've been there Jonty, its not easy.
Flowers

Original poster
JontyDoggle37 · 04/08/2019 17:42

Thank you all. They’ve just given her some drugs to help her relax, so she’s resting a bit easier.

OP posts:
InTheHeatofLisbon · 04/08/2019 17:42

Another who has been there here OP.

I'm so sorry Flowers

Handhold as long as you need it.

takemetomars · 04/08/2019 17:45

Thinking of you. I went through this last year with my Dad. Once he was on the pathway, they gave him something for the distress.
If it is of any comfort, I was told that the distress is worse for the watcher than for the dying person as it is so difficult to watch.
I am a nurse and I have watched many people die but watching Dad pass was the most surreal thing I have ever been through. There is nothing I can say to ease this for you. The best advice that I can give you is that however you feel or whatever you do/however you act during this time, it is OK, right for you and there is no rule book for this.
Be kind to yourself x x

TitsalinaBumSquash · 04/08/2019 17:46

Oh Jonty how awful for you, I work in elderly care so see this regularly, if you feel your DM isn't comfortable don't be afraid to request more pain relief or something more to relax her. Talk to her, hold her hand if you feel able to.
I hope this time is as peaceful as it can be for everyone. Thanks

InTheHeatofLisbon · 04/08/2019 17:46

Glad she's resting easier, it does make things a little better to see them peaceful rather than distressed doesn't it?

Hope your DH gets there soon.

Pellegrinopolly · 04/08/2019 17:46

Sorry to hear this op. I hope your dh arrives soon.

This website created by St Mary's University (Catholic but made for everyone) might be of help here. It's a practical and emotional guide for those facing death themselves or that of a loved one. (I found it very useful when I was in a similar situation a couple of years back. ) Take care of yourself.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 04/08/2019 17:48

The best advice that I can give you is that however you feel or whatever you do/however you act during this time, it is OK, right for you and there is no rule book for this.

Absolutely this too. I've spent many hours with people at the end of their lives (nightshift care worker). Nothing prepared me for it being my own Mum, it was completely different.

Whatever you need to do to get through this, do it OP, if there was ever a time to say that you need time to do things in your own way this is it.

Flowers
Windygate · 04/08/2019 17:49

@Jonty offering you a hand hold and an unMN hug. I like many on here have been where you are. Accept all the pain and anxiety relief they offer your dear mum. Hope your DH is soon with you.

RosaWaiting · 04/08/2019 17:55

glad to see they've given her something for her anxiety

are you able to talk to her? My dad looked almost gone, then responded to the most ordinary things, which was good because we had a couple of last little normal chats, as it were. Flowers and hugs to you.

Jambalaya76 · 04/08/2019 18:03

This was me this time
Last year with my mum. She drifted in and out of consciousness and we were able to talk almost. She had her eyes closed the whole time, but could answer me in nods and I love yous. I read to her a lot and played music. I hope I managed to keep her comfortable. She was on a lot of pain meds and each time the driver was running low was when I felt stressed waiting for the nurse to come and change it. Mum was in a care home but the nurses and doctors visited. I stayed with her for the whole of the last 2 weeks. Her gp was amazing, visited her everyday. You need support from your family to look after you while you're looking after your parent. Bigs hugs to you xx

stucknoue · 04/08/2019 18:04

Thanks been there, it's so hard. Even when your head knows they are right your heart says otherwise

Original poster
JontyDoggle37 · 04/08/2019 18:31

Thank you all, my husband is here now, they’re just moving her into a side room so we’ve come to get something to eat quickly while they do it. I hope to god it is relatively quick, she’s been through enough now.

OP posts:
InTheHeatofLisbon · 04/08/2019 18:33

I hope it's quick and peaceful OP.

Sounds silly wishing that, but sometimes it's all you can hope for.

Sending a very un MNetty hug to you Flowers

Purpleartichoke · 04/08/2019 18:35

It is hard, but it can also be a blessing. My mother was finally able to relax once she was moved to end of life care. Her pain decreased. She managed to sleep. We were devastated by her loss, but grateful that she had a more peaceful end.

Pellegrinopolly · 04/08/2019 18:40

I'm glad your dh is there op and you are able to take a break together.

Wishing you strength for the hours and days ahead and I hope your mum's passing is swift and peaceful. She will sense you are there and will be reassured.

maimeo · 04/08/2019 22:36

How are things there now, Jonty? Thinking of you.....

Original poster
JontyDoggle37 · 05/08/2019 02:10

Thanks @maimeo she has been quite peaceful and I’ve managed to doze a bit on a camp bed.

OP posts:
Lolyora17 · 05/08/2019 03:00

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NaToth · 05/08/2019 13:01

Feeling your pain OP. We are in exactly the same position with my MIL.