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Elderly parents

Doctors have just moved my mum onto end of life pathway

80 replies

JontyDoggle37 · 04/08/2019 17:28

She’s been in hospital two weeks after a fall and pneumonia, suddenly deteriorated this afternoon, barely conscious and quite distresssed now. Doctors have said this it, waiting for my husband and could do with a handhold

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MrsMozartMkII · 05/08/2019 13:15

I'm so sorry.

Was there with my Pa. As others have said, just do what is right for you at this time.

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InTheHeatofLisbon · 05/08/2019 14:10

Glad you've managed a wee doze Jonty.
Sending love.

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Knittedfairies · 05/08/2019 14:13

A handhold from me too Jonty 💐

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maimeo · 06/08/2019 09:31

Thinking of you @JontyDoggle37. Was sitting with my dying mum this day 16 years ago, so know what your going through. It's a parallel world. Hope you know how much she loves you x

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maimeo · 06/08/2019 09:31

Thinking of you @JontyDoggle37. Was sitting with my dying mum this day 16 years ago, so know what your going through. It's a parallel world. Hope you know how much she loves you x

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maimeo · 06/08/2019 09:31

Thinking of you @JontyDoggle37. Was sitting with my dying mum this day 16 years ago, so know what your going through. It's a parallel world. Hope you know how much she loves you x

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maimeo · 06/08/2019 09:31

Thinking of you @JontyDoggle37. Was sitting with my dying mum this day 16 years ago, so know what your going through. It's a parallel world. Hope you know how much she loves you x

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JontyDoggle37 · 06/08/2019 10:25

@NaToth so sorry to hear you’re in the same position. Mum is getting less and less responsive now. She had a settled night (I’m on a camp bed next to her in her hospital room), then got a bit distressed this morning but now is calm again. Doctors have upped the dose in her morphine driver because she’s had to have two additional top ups, and the top up injections hurt so it’s good that will be avoided. Sitting here waiting is the most surreal thing. I didn’t end up sitting with my dad so much when he died nine years ago, because my mum was also very ill at the time and I was kind of rushing between them. In some ways I’m glad of this time to be with her, but I also want this to be over, for her, as soon as possible.

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JontyDoggle37 · 06/08/2019 14:15

Today is hard. She’s very restless and needing extra sedative and painkillers. Being here on my own feels harder today, but my husband needs to be at work, and he’s also holding everything together at home. He did come and have breakfast with me in the hospital canteen which was lovely. I’m reading a lot of books to take my mind off things and just sitting with her. Tried playing her some music she used to love, but she didn’t seem to enjoy it.

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InTheHeatofLisbon · 06/08/2019 14:18

I'm sorry to hear it's rougher today Jonty, I hope the extra meds are making things a little easier for her and for you.

It's a horrid kind of limbo isn't it? I remember thinking I wished it was over (for Mum's sake) and then breaking because wishing my Mum would die soon felt like the most unnatural feeling in the world.

But I didn't want her to die, I wanted her to get better but recognised it wouldn't happen. So wanting it to be over was wanting it to be over for her, so that she was free from suffering.

Sending love.

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Drum2018 · 06/08/2019 14:26

So sorry for you op. It's a rough time knowing that this is the end. Do you have any other family members/friends of your mum who could come and keep you company? It's hard to be there alone. Been through it but had siblings there too and other visitors who brought food in for us.

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Ilovewillow · 06/08/2019 14:29

I'm so sorry sending you positive thoughts and strength at such a difficult time!

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MrsMozartMkII · 06/08/2019 15:34

Still here and thinking of you lass.

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Linseedlill · 06/08/2019 15:37

Thinking of you and sending lots of strength x

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ajandjjmum · 06/08/2019 15:43

I'm so sorry that you're going through this Jonty - it's very hard. My Mum died aged 90 a couple of years ago, and the process took longer than we expected. It helped me to understand that dying is actually a process, rather than sitting waiting for a sudden dramatic change. We were told with both Mum and Dad that they decide when to go - it seems that it might be true - Dad died after he'd shooed me off home to be with my DC, and Mum early one morning, when she'd just got my brother and I sitting quietly by her bedside. It was the most peaceful experience, and I wish that for you and your DM.

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JontyDoggle37 · 06/08/2019 21:51

Thank you all for keeping me company, I appreciate it. @ajandjjmum my Dad waited until we had left the room before he died as well. They’ve got her meds much better balanced now and she is resting easier as a result. Another night on the camp bed..

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MrsMozartMkII · 06/08/2019 21:56

Very glad she's more settled now.

I hope the camp bed is comfortable and you manage to get some rest.

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Linseedlill · 07/08/2019 00:36

Just came on before bed to see how you are op. You must be tired. It's good your mum is resting a bit easier now though. Still thinking of you. It's a very good thing you are doing.

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JontyDoggle37 · 07/08/2019 05:10

Morning. We both had a pretty good night, Mum got unsettled once and needed a sedative top up, since then she’s been fine. She’s still hanging on. I don’t know how much longer this can go on for, will speak to the doctors today. It will be three days at lunchtime today since she became unconscious and they declared she was end of life.

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greathat · 07/08/2019 05:15

It must be very hard for you. I hope she stays calm and relaxed now

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2018SoFarSoGreat · 07/08/2019 06:16

Sending hugs and strength your way Jonty. It was 6 days with my dad, and there were ups and downs, and it was horrible. But I don't regret a moment of it.

God speed on her journey ❤️

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Windygate · 07/08/2019 06:33

Thinking of you, it can be a long and lonely wait 💐

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JontyDoggle37 · 07/08/2019 06:40

@2018SoFarSoGreat oh dear god, 6 days...poor you and your dad. Hoping like hell it isn’t that long, feel like I’m going to go mad being cooped up in the hospital that long. I got home for an hour last night for a shower and a cuddle with my little boy, which was wonderful.

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Finfintytint · 07/08/2019 06:48

Thinking of you Jonty.
Went through this five months ago.
It’s very difficult.
My mum lasted three weeks. She had a syringe driver for the last few days and was barely conscious.

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AvonCallingBarksdale · 07/08/2019 06:54

Hugs from another one who has been on this journey too. My dad died three years ago. Mum and I spent the last day with him in hospital - he’d been unconscious for 2 days - that final day was very peaceful apart from the Macmillan nurse popping in to tell me “not to worry because he wasn’t my dad any more” . Dad waited until we’d left the room before he died. It’s such a surreal time - I remember feeling like time had stood still.