Any parents who are struggling with school fees and now regret the decision?

[freakazoidroid]

I am considering private school for my daugher from reception in sept.
It will mean tightening the purse strings quite substanially.
I wondered if anybody had sent their dc's to private school and maybe a few years in slighty regrets the decision,from a financial point. What sacrifices have you made ,it is making your life harder and did anybody pull their dc out and put them into state?

bump

It depends on what makes you happy. Would I have been happier with a big house and five great holidays a year or no house, virtually no holidays but peace of mind that my kids were being educated in a way that I thought was appropriate and necessary for their happiness and development? I can buy a house, hopefully, when they've left school/uni etc. I don't regret it but it's not always pleasant wondering where the next set of fees are coming from!

Also if you can avoid bringing kids into the concerns you have on school fees - I am extremely grateful to my mum for sacrifice she made for my education but would have liked to be reminded less often about what she gave up etc as it made me feel a burden and that I was letting her down if didn't do what she wanted or did well at school. Now this is of course my family so don't mean to say it has to be like this but the emotional as well as financial cost took its toll.

If you are going to struggle with reception fees how are you going to struggle as she gets older - they tend to be higher the further up you get especially at secondary level there is a big leap.

i think, from what i've seen, once you're in it's very hard to get out for a lot of reasons including concerns about the child and ones status in a circle of friends who all send their children to the same school.

really think carefully before you go into this (which you obviously are doing). personally if there is a decent primary school near you i cannot see the point. save your money for secondary school (if it is then needed) and/or university.

We struggle but we have absolutely no regrets.

I think that if you are twitchy before Reception, it might be a good idea to delay for a few years so that you can save a bit.

What sacrifices do we make? We take only one cheapish holiday a year (eg campsite in France) and no other breaks. We have old cars and one of them has Third Party Only insurance. Our house is tatty and has lots of work needing to be done on it, but everything can wait a bit longer. We have old clothes. Oh, and I work rather than being a SAHM.

If we didn't have school fees, we would have better material possessions, and would go on more/better holidays. The majority of our family lives overseas, and we only see them every four or five years - we would probably make sure we saw them every 18 - 24 months. I would be a Lady who Lunches.

Hi
Just think about the number of years you will be paying for fees, I had my DS in nursery for 3 years at a cost of £900 per month. Plus during one of those years my OH was out of work for approx 5 months so we had to use savings to pay for fees as my wage covered the bills/mortgage etc and when we had unexpected bills like car repairs I used to be so stressed and always watching pennies. I had my DS name at a private school in case he did not get into the local state school (they are just as good as each other) he got into the state school and I felt so relieved in not having to pay out all that money again.

If you are already worried have you also considered that fees tend to rise at Year 3 and again at Year 5/6 as well as above inflation annually. You may get a subsidy for at least one term of Reception due to Early Years funding (c.£500 per term) but that too will disappear. then add in extras - dance, music, trips, unform (again will increase at Year3 if not sooner) etc.

General consensus seems to be (from RL conversations) that if you think you are likely to only be able to afford private school fees for a while then it's better to save your money for secondary school, not junior school. In saying that, it really does come down to what you can afford; what you want to be able to afford; where you live and what your local state schools are like; what your child is like and so on. Good luck with your decision, hope it goes well for you whichever way you choose.

I'd agree with snowstorm- start at state school and save hard for secondary ( f your secondary options are poor or you just choose transfer anyway).

That way the kids learn to mix with kids from all sorts of homes early on- a vital skill. You still have the choice to change at any point - if they aren't happy or thriving academically.

I think a child who starts in the private sector and moves to state ( especially comp) later on is very likely to find it a challenge with lass sizes they aren't used to etc but the other way round the transition should be easy.

Remember you don't just have the option to move at traditional transition stages- age 7 and 11 but can move any time. The shrewd parents I know who's kids are fairly average academically have moved then fom state to private at year 5 ( age 9-10) knowing that state grammar won't suit them, and also effectively removing them from the fight for places in the independent schools at age 11 ( because the schools they moved to were 7-18 schools).

If you are working full time to fund school fees, remember to factor child care in the holidays into your sums- schools will o holiday clubs etc but they will not be cheap.

This is the 4th time you have started a tread on this subject.

thread

This is something we had to consider very carefully for DD's transition from primary to high school. DD was offered a place at the fee paying school, but after being turned down for a bursary and knowing that we would really struggle to meet the school fees we opted for a place at the local comprehensive with a view to topping up with private tuition if necessary.

So far we have had no regrets.

Is private tuition on top of state school an option for you?

A few points it is perfectly possible to move a child educated at primary level back into state. If you live in a country like Kent with lots of grammar schools this is very common and we moved one of our DS's back to state at 13 when he left his prep. Admittedly we live in a very middle class area and have an outstanding comp on out doorstep but he had never been to a state school and despite our initial worries settled well.
We have paid for nearly twelve years do we regret it? To be honest I think I should have moved DS1 from his top prep to our fantastic comp at 11 instead of 13 because he would have received just as a good an education and more learning support for his dyslexia we would have saved ourselves £40 000! I have no regrets about paying and have paid for DS2 now at his wonderful senior boys boarding school.
As everyone says unless you on £150 000 + (I'm talking boarding for two) it comes at a cost we too have very little but thats not that that is the problem fortunately we are not materialistic. But my husband works long hours in a job he hate and its the unexpected bills; the dentist is a big one that causes huge anxiety. I would rather be following my dream of a doing a phd.
But as we say only 4 1/2 years to go there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

If you are going to have difficulties at reception level, then I would really re think your plans and perhaps save for senior education. My childrens prep school fees rise quite dramatically from reception into year 1, then again when they leave the pre-prep dept and move in to the prep at year 3. Another hike at year 7 when they move into the senior dept, and then when they go in to year 9 and then into lower sixth. This doesnt include the yearly fees rises either, sometimes 6% sometimes 3%. Uniform can be expensive, although we have a great second hand uniform shop and they have lots of it, with different kits for different sports etc.
Both my 2 are at independent school, I've made quite a few changes into my lifestyle to accomodate their education, then again schools where we live are pretty dire. Those that know me and where I live will agree!
If I had to go back in time and make the decision again, would I still send them private? yes I would. Its my money and I believe its been very well spent but please look into your budget carefully before signing on the dotted line.

what a merryscot said

Ds is in yr 3 and fees are 3 times what they were in Reception. In Reception we had early years funding which helped and childcare vouchers (so saved tax). When I was debating schools I did a spreadsheet allowing for 4% fee increase each year. It was a good way of working out whether I could afford school fees for the time I'd want ds in private school. In that spreadsheet I also factored in wraparound care costs and holiday club and compared it to the costs I'd pay if he went to state school and stayed with his CM. Surprisingly the cost was cheaper for private school until years 5/6. For me that made it worthwhile, especially as I'd had some hassle with the CM over school choices (she changed her mind on which schools she'd consider doing a school run to/from).

"tightening the purse strings quite substantially"

At reception level? no way, reception is considerably cheaper than more advanced grades.

Use the money instead to provide your DD with plenty of opportunities to add to her education from private classes to educational trips.

Interestingly, it spurred us (mostly DH but also me) into being much more proactive in our jobs. We were always hardworking and DH in particular would have achieved success but I reckon we'd be at least three or four years behind (possibly more) where we are now if we didn't feel the overwhelming need to earn more in order to pay school fees. In that respect, it has done us a massive favour But clearly not a fail safe strategy to use!! But career ladders and prospects should play a part in your decision making.

What are the schools like around you? Both independent and state? IMO it has to be a very special independent school indeed to justify the expense if it's going to be a stretch. Not all independent schools are worth it.... But there are some that are.

IME there's no real shame in pulling out for a few years either. Clearly not ideal, but never the end of the World. I know families who have done it and returned and some that haven't returned. Not all independent parents are snobs that feel the need to keep us with the Jones'. I find that attitude very tiresome!

If you are going independent for one or the other Primary is definately more important.

The culture shock of the indie system not to mention the ability to get into a good grammar/ secondary makes more sense. They really grind in to a you g mind the passion and importance of learning and behaviour. Disruption is simply it tolerated.

Our sacrifice is definately holidays and travel, and a more modest house. It has been worth every penny. I would live in a flat if need be. But my line is going in to debt. If I was doing that to sustain this school I would worry.

What happens if you have more children?

you barter, beg and borrow

Sorry ladies but I totally disagree. Childhood is not just schooling. Myself and my DH are our children's teachers in SO many ways, and by sending them state we have the spare cash to be able to do nice holidays, eat out, visits, pay for drama and music lessons, buy books etc etc. If we chose private we would have to live in a a small house, probably sell the car, eat beans on toast every day, no holidays, no trips out, no extra-curricular stuff.

A no-brainer really.

living in a small house with no car eating beans does not mean you are not your child's teacher!

The drama and music lessons at my dds prep school are head and shoulders above anything available locally I'm afraid to say. Nice holidays are great but not essential. We do manage to pay school fees and buy books, but we also use our local library a fair bit.

What I am trying to say is that there is nothing that friends have who educate their kids at state but have lots of money for holidays/flash cars/big houses that I envy . To be honest I think they would be better off educating their children privately, but that is my personal opinion.