Any parents who are struggling with school fees and now regret the decision?

[freakazoidroid]

I am considering private school for my daugher from reception in sept.
It will mean tightening the purse strings quite substanially.
I wondered if anybody had sent their dc's to private school and maybe a few years in slighty regrets the decision,from a financial point. What sacrifices have you made ,it is making your life harder and did anybody pull their dc out and put them into state?

How many can afford boarding? We reckon you've got to be on at the very least £150 000 a year to put two through senior independent. I'm sure I've read somewhere that less than 1% of the UK population have that kind of money.

What?

Happy
my sister went to a top boarding school
my parents were told to budget 25% on top of the fees for extras like tuck, uniform, treats, trips etc
if you are on under £50k even getting a large %age bursary, those extras will be out of reach
the 6% includes the bursary kids
so then actually only 4% of kids have parents who can afford for them to be there !!!!!

We are not paying that much this term another £600 and some of those expenses were a one off. Having said that I'm cant believe 4% of the population earn £150 000 +.

they don't - its 1%
but two parents each earning high 40% band .....

ElaineRees perhaps you would care to expand on you comment; "avoids filling the gap for what you've 'got to be' to send your children to boarding school."
As a parent who chooses to send her DS to a boarding school I haven't got the faintest idea what your talking about.

Oh, does your son go to boarding school? Crivens, you kept that quiet!

I dunno.... wealthy, I suppose, would be the end of that sentence. Unless of course you have one of the multiplicity of full bursaries that there are.

We do private but I wouldn't do it if we couldn't comfortably afford it.

And there is always the possibility at some point that they may go to a state school as we pay fees as we go - there is no big trust fund set up.

I wouldn't scrimp to do private thats for sure as there is most definitely more to life than school.

Ok ElaineR we're more "wealthy" than many others although not super rich it's our money and we can spend it how we like. We lucky that we have the choice. I struggle to see how my "wealth" and decisions impacts on you.

Never what I said! And i am not flexing my fingers, god damn it

Definitely would not put myself in debt to pay for primary prep school. I am just not sure whether it's actually worth the money. As far as i am concerned i can teach my dc's what they need to know at this age. They take part in extra curricular activities, French, music lessons etc, so they do not miss out on the activities that some people cite as the reason for putting their dc in private school.
However, at secondary level. i think that there is nothing wrong with putting your child in private school, if you can AFFORD it, but i would hate to have to scrimp and scrape in order to do so.

How do you define scrimp and scrape? One woman's scrimping is another just being more careful. Where do you cut your expenditure I don't drink or smoke I never go in a pub/night club and nearly had a heart qttack when told the cost of the work Xmas jolly. I don't go to the hairdessers either or have spa days like friends with DC's in state schools. God I sound so boring. My friends/work colleagues who are not paying fees routinely have their nails done and spend a fortune on make up etc. I in contrast don't do either of these things but do choose (that dreadful word again) to buy organic/ fair trade food. They tease me for shopping in Waitrise (although it no more expensive) I in turn marvel at the money they spend out clubbing on Saturday and on those false nails which they consider essential.

I can't understand how everyone seems to think that countless extra-curricular activities are of paramount importance in a child's education. Most of these 'must do' activities are really prescriptive: they require the child to passively follow instructions, rote learn and to copy and replicate established patterns (e.g. French, most exam-based music lessons, gymnastics, ballet, judo, swimming, Kumon, etc, etc.) How will these children be able to think for themselves?

If a child wants to do one of these activities, all well and good, I'm all for it. But it seems that people are obsessed by cramming in as many as they can. Some of these children must feel like their heads are about to implode.

Surely the most important things you can do with a child are: walk with them, talk with them and laugh together... give them time to play alone, and be happy in their own company....and give them time to be with friends.

Yeah, I regret it. DS is about to finish private prep and will be going to a state grammar.

I wish we'd never bothered with private school because frankly, I don't think it's good value for money. His school was good and so-say very competitive to get into (though all of that is hearsay, isn't it? only the schools have the facts). But not worth £10k a year, in my view.

We could and did afford it - though not comfortably - and I admit I've been privately envious of friends with DCs in state primaries who from what I can see were receiving a good education and working at roughly the same level.

I sometimes wonder if a lot of parents privately feel the same as I do, but don't dare admit it - even to themselves - it because they've made a choice and to back down would be to lose face. If we were to do it again, we would chose a state primary.

We went for the private option because I got swept along with a very competitive NCT group at primary admission stage, which I now regret.
But we toured both state and private primaries. On one tour, a state head told the group not to waste money in the private sector in our London borough because the primaries were so good. At the time, I assumed she was biased, but now I believe she was trying to do us a favour.

One thing to consider might also be whether the things you would have to give up are things that might affect your dcs' education. Giving up flash cars is one thing, but what about if you can't afford to buy him books? Trips to the theatre, clncerts, trips abroad are things that I would see primarily as educational aids rather than conspicuous consumption.

You'd have to have a lot of spa days and acrlyic nails to add up to 20k a year!(20k because most people have at least two children)

And most people -sorry to bang on about this, but it's something that can't be said too often on mumsnet because we seem to suffer fom a very specific form of short term memory loss- most people count themselves lucky to have the money left for a trip to the cinema at the weekend- spa days and exotic holidays don't even feature in their thinking.

Kandy - I wholeheartedly agree with you.

We initially considered private primary because at reception level we found ourselves outside the catchment area of all the good local primaries. Got no offer and were placed on waiting lists. At that point it became obvious that we would never get an offer from our nearest primary which is madly oversubscribed so I gave up the fight and sent DD to local private pre prep. DH had been keen to send private all along, so this was the route of least resistance.

Once in the private system we got to know lots of fairly well off parents who had been privately educated themselves and would never consider anything else for their DCs. So we got brainwashed into thinking private was miles better than state. DS then subsequently followed his sister to the private school. Subsequently DD went on to very academic prep, attached to senior school which is top of league tables etc.

With senior entry coming up for DD we realised that the only way we could keep 2 DCs in private would be to drastically economise - downsize house, no holidays for the forseeable future etc.

Went to see the local superselective grammar which a lot of private prep parents tutor furiously for, and many thought DD would go for as she was at top of her very academic class. But what a shock! I absolutely hated the place, felt so pressured and the head was so distant and arrogant. The thought of sending DD there filled me with dread. Then looked at local girls comp(still very popular and vastly oversubscribed but seen as second choice for those who could not get into the grammar). A complete revelation! Wonderful happy school, enthusiastic teachers, very approachable head.

DD has now completed first term at the comp and we are over the moon with it. She has made friends with lots of lovely girls who are every bit as bright as her ex-classmates. She is academically stretched just as much as she ever was and the teaching has inspired her. Very happy and getting involved with the many sports and arts activities available at the school. I now feel very sorry for those parents I know from DDs old school who sent theirs to the private senior and are now really struggling.

There is a lot of hype about private schools but, really, if you have a decent state school available to you I would not bother again. It is not worth stretching yourself and foregoing the treats such as holidays. The things they offer that state doesn't really don't matter that much to your DCs education. If you are wealthy and private is just part of the lifestyle, then go ahead.

If I had my time again I would have stuck with the waiting list for my nearest state primary and moved DD as soon as a place came up. Our neighbours did that and have never looked back.

Wow, that was a long post!

Sorry, everyone!

Right - going towade in as I keep readin this thread!

I do think that this question is a bit pointless tbh as it can only be considered with the benefit of hindsight. So, for instance, Carrots, it may be that your daughter is coping so well with and enjoying the state comp because she learnt to "learn" and have a positive attitude towards schools as a result of her "very academic" prep. Who knows? Fact is, she's happy now and that's great!

Surely, we all just choose the best school for our child depending on the circumstances we are faced with at the time - how much money we have at the time, what the child is like, what the local schools are like, what our own attitudes and backgrounds are etc etc. TBH, I am a bit at the idea that anyone wouldn't choose in this way! if you are choosing private school not based on what you think is genuinely best for your child at the time, the I guess you might well look back and think it was a waste of money if it went "wrong". If you made the choice faced with the circumstances and just doing what you thought was best at the time then, albeit the circs have changed since, I find it hard to see how you could "regret" the decision.

I am of the "would never dream of anything but private" type if I am totally honest, but I really would move away from that if my circumstances were different. Basically, if I couldn't afford private, obv I wouldn't consider it!

Also, I agree that very few people can afford private just by economising - there are some people in that cataegory and I guess it just depends on priorities. Mine would be paying for school, but then that's becasue I am (possibly wrongly) already hugely skewed towards choosing private just becasue of my background etc.

I do think its easy to get trapped in a bubble of perception. For instance, I would estaimate that 85%, or more, of my colleagues were not just privately educated, but went to good public schools. Obviously that is a bubble!

Spa days and acrylic nails is a bit sneery.

If your child wants to be a top journalist, a judge, an MP, a doctor, a FTSE CEO or go to Oxford, you dramatically and definitely increase his or her chances if you pay for the sort if school that knows how to make these sort of things come about. If you can't afford fees, similar advantage comes from sending your child to a grammar school or top comp.

I'm really confused by people who cite Sutton Trust research as evidence of unfairness and simultaneously claim private schools are a waste of money and a bright child will do well wherever he goes.

I wonder how well-educated people can afford NOT to pay or school if there isn't a grammar or a top comp option.

Er- because they can't afford it?

And the reason the "top jobs" you list are largely by privately educated mainly men is nothing to do with the education they have received. It's all to do with who you know and the "appointing people who look like me" syndrome.

mrsJAP I too have wondered about people who cite the Sutton Trust and then on another thread state that private schools are not worth it. Maybe the fact that the two views are on separate threads makes it acceptable?

I have no idea whether i will turn around when all this education malarkey is over and feel it was worth it - we have a good comp near us which people seem to love and gets good results. My children are in the main happy and achieving and I would love to take my youngest out of state primary so I think there are probably some undefinable attractions about the prep, maybe they are snobbish reasons, I really don't know and don't analyse it too deeply.