Any parents who are struggling with school fees and now regret the decision?

[freakazoidroid]

I am considering private school for my daugher from reception in sept.
It will mean tightening the purse strings quite substanially.
I wondered if anybody had sent their dc's to private school and maybe a few years in slighty regrets the decision,from a financial point. What sacrifices have you made ,it is making your life harder and did anybody pull their dc out and put them into state?

But I thought you wanted your children to speak for those at the back of the queue, though?

Elaine - unconvinced by what? Unconvinced that selective schooling affords advantage? Unconvinced that advantage translates to power and influence? Unconvinced that power and influence CAN bring about change?

Because for all 3 see Sutton Trust research.

Unconvinced by the argument that points (2) and (3) above are necessarily going to be connected, certainly not in a way which is particularly revolutionary or egalitarian. It sounds as though you want your children to come out of it qualified (obviously) and ideally also strolling corridors of power dispensing a bit of noblesse oblige along the way - and I'm not convinced that that is an especially helpful thing for anyone.

Because the privately educated have, with the odd blip, largely been in charge of the country for most of the time, and have indeed had the power and influence and so on - yet they don't tend to be all about the bringing about of change and egalitarianism, as far as I can see.

That sounds great Elaine, I'd settle for that to be honest.

Elaine - I want my children to do what THEY want to do. They are exceptionally nice people. Kind, fair, feminist. They will bring about change that's meaningful to them. Surely fairness means fair to everyone?

Well yes, it does indeed! But you seem to be jumping around a bit - if they're going to bring about 'change that's meaningful to them', how does that help anyone else?

I see your point that you want them to succeed, I see your point that you want them to be happy, I accept that you've chosen private school because you see it as the best way to achieve those goals. I just think you're on a rather stickier wicket when you suggest that this will make the world in general a better place!

Legally, I take your point about the prep instilling a love of learning etc and there is no doubt it did. It is a very good school. But our nearest state primary has also done that for out neighbour's DD and the bright girls in my DD's class, most of whom went to the state primary. So, as we are not significantly wealthy, I don't feel it was money well spent.

If DD had not gained a place at this comp we would very likely have done what we had to do to pay for private secondary. And if the local primaries had been dire I would not have considered sending DD there. What I regret is not pushing hard enough to get DD a place in this excellent state primary as I feel she would have been in the same place right now if I had. I regret falling for the notion that private schooling is always worth massive sacrifices, even with such good state primaries in the area.

A good friend with a DD who was in my DDs class at the prep decided to go for the private senior, despite being well in the catchment for the comp. She is now having sleepless nights worrying about how they are going to pay the fees. I would definitely not swap places with her.

Save your money for secondary. One way you could look at it is that with the money you would be looking at saving on the primary years, you could perhaps even move to an area with a good state primary in catchment and hopefully a good secondary too.

Then you can see where they are come secondary years - and you may find that they will flourish more moving to a good state secondary alongside their peers. You may find that there'll be a particular school that provides the perfect fit for them because of musical or sporting foci. And that may not be private! Or you might find that yes you do want them to go private.

Personally I went to a big rough old state school and loved it, and did well academically too. I wouldn't change my schooling at all and I think I learned a huge amount about different strokes for different folks through having that experience. I wouldn't choose private for my children. But that's just me.

Elaine - Your argument is basically "but nothing has ever changed therefore it never will change" Isn't that a bit erm lazy?

Wow I don't have such lofty ambitions! I want my daughters to have a lovely, traditional education with spots of modernity that gives them confidence and grounding. I want them to do loads of sport and be at school for a long day (she finishes at 5.45 after training). I want them to grow up in their own time. I want them to have the opportunity to learn languages/Latin/classical studies WITHOUT necessarily having to be in the top sets. I want teachers who will hone in on their strengths and do everything that they can to develop them. I want them to talk politely and articulately to every person that they meet. I absolutely KNOW all these things will happen at their private senior school. I am afraid I don't have that confidence in the comprehensive and we can just about afford it, so that is why we do it.

What a lovely debate about making the world a better place

Now back to OP's question

OP we had a similar dilemma about DS who starts school (Reception) in September. We are lucky to have a very very good state infant school (4-7)nearby and decided to try that instead of sending him to a private school, as facilities as well as academic results are very similar (I know it sounds incredible but it is an exceptional school, even the head of the private school told us that)
We will be saving very hard for the next 3 years and will make some longer term arrangements to ensure DS can go to a private school from the age of 7.

Hope this helps a bit?

MrsJ No, I don't think that is my argument, although it is obviously borne out by history and probability.

What I'm saying is: you don't want you children to bring down the system from within in any drastic terms, yes? You certainly don't expect them to want to dismantle the private education system....? But you do think this system will mean that your children are more likely to be in powerful or influential positions in 20 years' time. Ok.

So if we accept the idea of private schools will in general be the breeding ground for power (even the kind of benevolent, egalitarian power one would like to think one's children will exert, and I'm sure you're right that your children are all these things, but still...), these people will make 'kind fair feminist' decisions for the rest of us, whilst also maintaining the status quo in which 93% of the population don't get near it, but are, as I said before, getting a bit of noblesse oblige chucked at them once in a while?

Well I don't especially warm to that vision, to be honest.

erm I think you are over thinking it

Elaine - Well generally a sense of fairness is helpful to everyone. We certainly don't have a very fair society as things stand. And as the daughter of non-British parents who arrived in London without a bean shortly before my birth, I know all about being at the back of the queue.

Ha ha! Anyway, what grafit said! Totally agree.

Over-thinking, a terrible habit. Send them somewhere they won't get into doing that, whatever else!

Gosh - I am so slow. What grafit said about what she wants for her children and thus why she chose private.

But 'fair' is a very difficult word - much bandied about by the Tories just after they got in, and very clearly differentiated from 'equal'.

Anyway, you said that what you initially thought was my argument was 'a bit lazy' so I've tried not to be.

Elaine - If you won the lottery tomorrow, would you send your children to a private school at any point? Or are you against it on principle?

No, I wouldn't, and yes, I am.

Elaine - fair enough. I'm sure your children will be able to do lots of good things from middle management. [joke]. I suspect you are middle class, British, white, probably educated privately yourself, seamless transition to RG university?

I used to think I was middle class before I found mumsnet ; I am white; I went to a really crap state comp (under Tories, obviously); went to non-RG-but-bracketed-similarly (like Durham but not Durham ....); wouldn't say it was especially seamless.

I hope that means I'm still allowed not to want my children to go to private school.

I think 'equal' is a much more difficult concept than fair. Human beings are unique, their talents are unique.

By seamless I mean after school or shortly thereafter.