Any parents who are struggling with school fees and now regret the decision?

[freakazoidroid]

I am considering private school for my daugher from reception in sept.
It will mean tightening the purse strings quite substanially.
I wondered if anybody had sent their dc's to private school and maybe a few years in slighty regrets the decision,from a financial point. What sacrifices have you made ,it is making your life harder and did anybody pull their dc out and put them into state?

Seeker - Er- I was careful to say well-educated. For example, you could surely get a job with sufficient pay for school fees.

What are you doing to change the appointing people who look like me syndrome? Complaining will get you nowhere, you need to look like them, show your children how to look like them, while all the time being absolutely nothing like them.

So all well educated people are well paid?

Oh gosh seeker, totally. That is a MASSIVE part of it. It is totally not an accurate representation of how good the schools actually are. There are exceptions (my DH for instance - council estate, single parent family but was brill and got into grammer achieved as much or more than many/most privately educated people), but they are exceptions, and its not actually very helpful when people say "I/DH/DC went to the failing comp and got all As and now a top barrister so there", precisely becasue of the point you raise.

The problem is, that is the way the world is. To be honest, part of what you rightly or wrongly pay for with a good private education (and there are bad private schools - lots!) is the stuff that's beyond academia. That's not a good thing, but it is the way of the world.

Also, in an ideal world, every school would seek to bring out the best in a child. If only that were true! Honestly, and very likely to be flamed for this, I think the worst culprits are the grammers which are, in my experience, totally over focussed on academic results. I would choose private over a grammer precisely becasue I don't want a school that is overly academic for a middling child with other interests.

BUT I think that if you are choosing what you think is really, honestly best for your child faced with all the facts and circumstances (i.e. NOT because of "peer pressure"... I mean, really?!) its very hard to "regret" whatever decision you make. I do think this argument is a bit of a non starter as we all want the best for our kids (duh) and make choices based on what's in front of us at the time, whether that includes the private option or not.

My post replies to seeker's "employing people that look like us" post! I am slow!

seeker - could you define "well educated"

In addition to the SuttonTrust reports v private schools not worth it; I enjoy the tension between "prep school children are no brighter" v "they outdo state school children of higher ability so mustn't be allowed to apply for grammar schools".

Is that the sort of well-educated you mean? Or are you counting number of exam passes regardless of where taken?

I know this is just anecdotal.
My SIL iinsisted that her dd's attended private prep because she was also swept away with al, the 'hype'. At the time it was suggested that if she wanted her dd's to attend private school, it was better that she saved the money for their secondary education as the state primaries were very good. My sil refused to listen to advice and put her children in private prep.
To cut a long story short, after years of protesting that private prep was the way to go, she recently admiited that she thought that it had been a waste of money .
I must make it clear, that i am not knockng those who choose to put their dcs in the private system. The OP, is talking about prep schooll in particular and i personally cannot see any great benefit in this system,. If you can afford it , no problem, but if you have to miss out on holidays, remortgage your home etc,it seems to rather ridiculous to me.

Seeker - on average well-educated people are much better paid than others. And where they're well-educated and not well-paid there is almost always a choice thing going on, concerning perhaps geographical location, or lifestyle, or something. Do you have a job? I get the impression you don't.

Sorry, OP on other thread is talking about prep.

Legally your post resonated with me as I am the poster girl for 'a bright child will do well anwhere' and that nonsense infuriates me.

Yes, I have done very well academically and financially...but almost none of my peers did. Certainly not one person, not a single one, in my entire (very large working class catholic) extended family has been beyond GCSEs before or after me.

Many of them are far superior intellectually than I.

I'm with MrsJ better to be among the players and topple the system from within mwhahahaha...

Legally - The prep school didn't go "wrong" - it was fine, DS did well - but my point was the school was just fine, and even to use the vernacular - a bit meh.
It's a well-known, sought-after prep in south London - not a second-tier school, and given that and the fees we were expecting it to significantly better than the local primaries but it wasn't. Bit of a Wizard-of-Oz moment.

Carrots Interesting you had a similar experience and reassured to hear your DD is happy. There always seems to be a cohort that chooses private by default because I suspect their assumption is 'the only reason you wouldn't pay would be because you couldn't'. I can see how they reached that conclusion, but I think it's misguided.

kandy I have a theory, not based on anything you understand LOL, that some, perhaps many, of the preps in London can get away with absolute murder because competition is so fierce.

wordfactory So they get sloppy, you mean? You could be on to something there.

I think the relationship between study to postgrad level and income likely to be generated in academia must be one of the most inverse there is, actually.

It's a bit simplistic to say all well-educated people could afford private school, anyway. I for one would not be able to afford it, after spending £20k a year, every year, on my acrylic nails

Are mrsj and wordfactory genuinely planning to do any system-toppling, though?

Well I think being in positions of power, being part of the decision making processes, having the ear of others with power and influence, even simply doing a great job, all go some way to changing the status quo.

Elaine - Actually I don't think the most well-educated nec have post graduate qualifications. So perhaps not inversely proportionate.

kandy I think they have to offer very much less all round if parents are fighting for places. They don't even need to listen to their customers' concerns if those customers can be replaced at the drop of a hat.

I'm not sure about that Word.

Top London day schools definitely have some very vocal parents. They will put the pressure on the schools to ensure their children perform.

Changing it to what, though?

I strongly disagree that a bright child will do well anywhere- they need to have their talents focussed and channelled, whether that is by home or by school is immaterial. These bright children from humble backgrounds that make it to stellar heights had something that sparked their ambition, they did not just wake up one morning and know how to become a barrister (or even what a barrister may be).

We have chosen to educate our children in the independent sector because of the poor eduction we received, and because of the standard of education offered where we live (DH will not even contemplate moving area, but that's another matter ). We would not go into debt to do so though. I think if we found ourselves in that position, we would regret it but mainly for the children's sake as we'd rather be in the position to support them through HE.

Elaine - I hope I've raised my children to recognise fairness and equality, It's up to them to bring about much needed change, it will be possible to change things if they have power and influence. But absent the revolution at least they will have their Bachelor of Medicine Bachelor of Surgery/chartered architect/job at he BBC to fall back on.

I suppose simply ensuring that all parts of society are represented in the positions of power, influence and money.

When I was much younger I had the privilege to work on a muder trial with a QC who had come from a very working class background - unheard of in the nineties. Not only WC, he was not even educated but had come to the law via being a clerk of the court, then solicitor, then barrister.

He was one of the wisest, kindest people I have ever met. He shone like a beacon, showing the whole bar and judiaciary that people from the other side of the tracks could do what they did. He had an impact on peoples views on a day-to-day basis. He had an impact on opening up the bar to others. He had an impact on law making...

But he could only do any of that by forcing his way into the corridors of influence. He couldn't have done anything by wtittering in t'internet.

I'm unconvinced, to be honest!

And it does make me laugh up my sleeve when blatantly middle-class people purport to speak for those at h back of the queue.

That sounds great Word. But it won't be the same for the next generation if they are privately educated. They won't be seen as working class. They will have the right accent etc.

(I include my family in this. My o/s accent has had an impact on how people view me).

So I'm not sure they will be as beacon-like as your great guy.