#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 11

[kwick]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread
Thread 9
Thread 8

Thread 7

Thread 6
Here is the link to the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

We also have a weight loss spin off thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2889818-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-weight-loss-spin-off-thread

Hello wonderful women.
I’ve been reading this thread over the past couple of days to get some insight into IUI. My partner and I have had our first try and today was the end of the tww (been swotting up on my acronyms!) We were obviously hopeful but this morning got our first bfn.
I am unashamedly joining in this thread now to reach out to others and share stories as I’ve found reading these a real comfort over the past few days.
Background info: I am 29, Married to female partner (31), ttc with donor sperm via stimulated IUI. She is the one undergoing treatment.
So happy to meet you all x

Aww pickle you are so close to the end now, feels like it has gone really quickly. I'm so excited for you to have her here 😃

Welcome ginger, sorry about your first bfn do you have to wait a cycle before trying again or are you jumping tight back into it.

Good news on your scan lrd hope the rest of your cycle goes smoothly 😀

Thanks bear. We were planning on going straight for attempt two. I didn’t know that sometimes you have to wait until I saw this thread! Do you know why that is?

At least there is long weekend for some chill time. Whats everyone up to?

Welcome ginger I got bfp on 2nd attempt at stimulated iui. My clinic insisted on a break in between, they told me it's because they build everything up that's it's good for body to recover fully before stimulating again.... I personally suspect that part of it is because it is such a small clinic that they need to break it up so they can plan a bit more who and when come in so can fit everyone's scan/ iui's as they kept saying stuff about keeping everyone safe. I was devastated when they first told me as everyone that had been on here had been allowed back to back cycles at the time but actually I think the head space did me good as I got so anxious about each cycle like is the lining good enough, is it too thick or thin, how big are the follicles, what happens if that doesn't happen etc
Best of luck for you and your partner next cycle :)

Bear 🐻 I know, in some ways it's gone crazy quick and in others it seems like a lifetime ago that had first cycle
Will post a pic when she finally arrives x

Hi ginger! I also got pregnant on my second stimulated IUI cycle, unlike pickle I did them back to back. I did find it quite stressful and had the second cycle not worked we would have had a break but I don’t regret the way we went about it.

Good luck for your next cycle!

Thanks pickle and tiny. I guess we will just go with the clinic advice but I definitely agree that keeping stress levels as low as possible can only be a good thing. As it's my partner undergoing treatment, I'm taking her lead on this! Is there anyone else on the thread who is not the planned birth parent? It would be good to chat about how the experience differs.

I am so thrilled to hear tales of success from IUI. Good luck to you pickle in your final weeks. And bear too! It must be nice to share these moments with your forum friends.

@GingerSnapp -@LRDtheFeministDragon partner/wife did treatment first and now she is doing the treatment this time. So good person to ask
I'm a singleton so no partner to support or get support from but loadssssss of support from here and friends in real life

Wow, pickle, that's so exciting! Really close now.

Hi ginger. As pickle says, I'm the non-birth mum to my DD who just turned 1. We went with DP first because my medical history is dodgier - I have PCOS, a clotting disorder and a previous history of miscarriage, and I've picked up a lovely ovarian cyst along the way that gave my right ovary a battering!

DP on the other hand is a few years older but was very lucky and got pregnant on the first cycle of IUI.

I guess everyone's experience is different even when we have similarities, but I'm definitely around to chat if it's useful.

Oh! And, I'm sorry, I am a huge pessimist about this, but just in case: if you are at all, vaguely, a tiny bit femme looking, be prepared to spend the foreseeable future explaining tediously over and over that you are your DP's partner and the other mum-to-be. It is annoying!

Hi LRD, and congratulations on baby #1!

DP is older than me too, hence our decision for her to try first. I might DM you with some other questions if that's ok?

And yes, we have already come up against some hetero-normative hurdles! I am currently 'MR' on all correspondence from the clinic. Even though they have met me, have all my medical records, and I am more than a tiny bit femme looking. It feels pretty petty to get worked up over at this point, but surely they must see so many lesbian couples?! The waiting rooms are always full of us!

You know, I never know how many lesbians they see as they always seem utterly bemused by us!

I could spend all day talking about what our clinic/GP/hospital did that was stupid, but the others on this thread would be crying with boredom by the end. I will link the post I wrote after DD's birth, though: readingmedievalbooks.wordpress.com/2017/03/30/my-daughters-birth/

But yes, DM me by all means.

Hi GingerSnapp,

It seems you and I share some similarities. My wife and I are TTC, hopefully completing the initial investigations over the next 2 months. I'm 29 and my wife is 32, so we too have decided for the older of the two of us to try first. Besides that is the small matter of finances which has been another deciding factor.

We are hoping to be able to proceed with IUI this year, though awaiting feedback from tests etc. While daunting it's oh so exciting, and we're trying to remain as relaxed as possible to improve our chances.

Good to meet you, and best wishes!!!!

Amy

Hi all,
Just wanted to pop in and say I hope you are all doing well and good luck with your cycles. 🤞🏻

Hi Everyone,
I’ve been a long time lurker but thought I would post having seen @atomic and @ginger posts. My DW and I are about to embark on the ivf merry go round. The ideal is that DW will grow and carry an embryo created from my egg but we will see how that works out. She is younger than me so if it doesn’t work after 3 attempts we use her eggs. We expect to start treatment in July/August. This thread has been invaluable and so inspiring. I’m not sure what I will be able to add but it will be great to have people to discuss this journey with.

Thanks mandy. How are you?!

geluk - ooh, that's so exciting! We thought about that but just couldn't afford it. But it is a lovely thing to be doing. And it will be so exciting.

@LRDtheFeministDragon I'm ok. Sorry I went AWOL for a while... just needed some space from all things IVF. Plus whilst I was miscarrying I found out my boss was pregnant...she didn't say anything a friend at work forewarned me..which was a good job as I started to cry and wouldn't have wanted that to happen in front of my boss- as she deserves to be happy without feeling guilty. Gonna give it another go towards the end of July. I have 5+ weeks off work so I'm hoping if I'm lucky enough to get a BFP again I can take it easy afterwards and maybe have a better end result.

Oh, goodness, don't say sorry! It is horribly hard. And especially given your news about your boss. I think that sort of situation is such a hard thing - however much you want to be positive and pleased for them, inevitably it feels so painful.

Good luck for July, and do take care of yourself. xx

@mandy I am sorry for your loss. Best of luck for next time.

@LRD we have finances on our side but not age in my case so it really is going to be a shot in the dark. But if we didn’t at least try in the position we are I think we/I would have always wondered. Let’s hope we all get the results we want in 2018

YY, of course you should try, because, as you say, otherwise you would always half-regret not trying. Would you then want to try with your DW's eggs and you as the birth mum? (Excuse me if that's too personal!).

I am currently in limbo as I went into the clinic today for a scan and my lead follicle is still too small, so I've just had my first dose of increased meds, and hopefully they will encourage things to happen. I've got to go back for another scan on Monday. I have to admit, though, I just don't feel terribly different this cycle, so it's hard to imagine anything happening.

@LRD hopefully the meds will take effect and push everything along.

Re us whether it works or not we would definitely try with DW’s egg for a (hopefully second) child. She would be the birth Mum still though as financially it makes lots more sense. I’m totally at peace with not carrying and child birth!!

I hope so too!

And YY, I get the impression childbirth is definitely overrated as an experience.

Thanks for sending the link to your blog post lrd. I’m saddened that you went through that during what sounds like a difficult few days. I’m glad you spoke out. We all deserve to feel respected at these life changing moments.

Hi atomic. Best of luck with all your test results and I definitely recommend relaxation and good sleep. DW and I have been stressing at work, life has been frantic, and we just havent stopped! So this bfn we got yesterday has totally floored us. We are looking now at ways we can change things up to be better equipped next time. I guess you can see why people take breaks. This really is wah more intense than i expected.

geluk, your plan sounds great. I hope everything goes really well for you both!

Thanks for saying that, ginger. I guess what hit me hard was that it was such a constant issue. It still is, and DD is a year old - there's no sign of change. It's still so hardwired in people that DP is not a mother. She's been called 'sir' or 'mr' or 'daddy' even while breastfeeding! And she is completely ignored during mums' groups. It's actually really horrible how much people rely on this idea that having a baby must involve an obvious 'mum' and 'dad'. I'm so proud of this thread where we challenge all of that!

Just wanted to check in and say good luck with everyone this month hope you get big follies at your next scan lrd and so sorry to hear all the crap you deal with its different as a single woman but I still see where you are coming from with people's comments etc they just so quick to assume and judge iv been taking time out from all things ttc really realising how much the injections made me put on weight or puff out at least as since stopping everyone telling me I look like I've lost weight which is always good lol but hopefully back on injections in couple weeks x

Got the go ahead for more IUI yesterday, which is obviously good news but back into another batch of anxiety, anticipation and frantic emotions!

It would be great to know what everyone does to relax?

Whilst we’re hopeful of a good result this time we are thinking of our other options. How do people juggle success rates/finances?