Jackass whisperers against the cheap beer virus

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Thread number...4?!? Fucking hell I've never been so popular.

Keep on keeping on and ,moan,whinge and laugh while you enjoy your deliveries and cackle evilly while you kill thousands.

All under the benevolent eye of your awesome , yellow and very ripe leader.

May the bleach be with you.

Should have told him what to do with his leaf! He lives locally though. Finding its best to engage with them really. It's like poking a wasps nest with a stick.

I'm going to pop to M&S on the way home to treat myself to something. Any ideas?

I haven't been in M&S for at least six weeks. Do you know what I'd love right now? One of their blackcurrant Swiss rolls. Or a salted caramel walnut whip.

Disengage

Tell you what M and S is lovely right now. It's so quiet. There was no queue.

Orange you could have some fun discussing the potential of various leaves and how the risk changes depending on size,type,age etc. Then send him on a scientific expedition.

I'd be played by Rebel Wilson.

Make sure you describe me rolling victoriously down the hills, striking fear in the hearts of my enemies while aggressively,angrily and viciously breathing death fumes .

Noted Princess, lots of death fumes, lots of fear striking.

I think I'll be played by Winona Rider, she's quite good at fluctuating between neurotic episodes and badass mama bear. That'll do me. I was gonna say Megan Fox but that's just too much of a stretch

I'd be played by Mother Flump.

Or Salma Hayek.

Either would do.

One might be a more realistic visual than the other, but I'll leave it to your imagination to guess which one.

Re the leaf - WTAF

Genuinely, I look at my local area differently now. It’s rough, there’s a lot wrong with it, but I sense there’s less curtain twitching and so on than in other places.

I was desperate to get out but what I hear from friends and family, and MN, this period has been bad. Mum’s neighbour actually rings her for the clap, and then say “you must bring a pan and a spoon”. I don’t think anyone in that street would say no.

I’ve got friends in houses explaining themselves to neighbours for trips out.

Maybe it’s just the fact of it not being so easy to spy in a large block of flats, but I’ve only had the one comment.

I am going to return my non essential goods and hang my head I shame (or will that just kill more people hmm)

It's good for businesses for us to buy stuff. If we don't they could close. They choose what to sell.

The leaf guy was on the nextdoor.com site. He started personal messaging me about the leaf after originally posting in the main page. That freaked me out a bit.

We're in city centre in flats also and everyone else I actually know seems normal.

Saying that some anonymous frother called the police on our communal garden which backfired for them as they said the death risk was low and now we have an anti frother sign on it saying it is open

I haven't been in M&S for at least six weeks. Do you know what I'd love right now? One of their blackcurrant Swiss rolls. Or a salted caramel walnut whip

Ooh loving this inspiration. My local one is special occasions only of course but the queue is never too bad and they do some good little deals in there so i'm taking advantage of just being paid

And to the writer amongst us.

I want my title to be

"Corona Killer"

A tale about how a humble boy from the Midlands became one of Britains most notorious serial killers.

Speaking of writing, I'm up to date with all my book series so I trawled Amazon for cheap/free books to see if I can sink my teeth into another one. Now I know free stuff isn't often a literary masterpiece(even if some of my favourite series did have the first book free), but bloody hell some of them were bad.

One in particular was like if it was written by a y5 after an adverb lesson. Every single sentence had at least 2 adverbs in. Wo repetitive.

I actually miss some of the characters I love (particularly the snarky ,sarcastic ones) which is probably really weird.

Orange “ The leaf guy was on the nextdoor.com site. He started personal messaging me about the leaf after originally posting in the main page. That freaked me out a bit.“

When you go on these websites, how much information are you supposed to give it or is a bit like MN?

Isabelle we'll just go with Salma Hayek, although a cast made up entirely of Flumps would be fun

Corona do you have anyone in particular I can cast you in likeness of?

Shopping today was a breeze, thank the bananian gods for that! No queue at all, no one trying to disinfect us on the way in, no idiots. We got tons of stuff and some ice cream and many, many biscuits. People are FINALLY starting to relax a bit and common sense appears to be prevailing. DD2 actually skipped home which was lovely

Having a beer in the garden to celebrate. Not sure what my kill count is for being 2 hours round trip supermarket, stopping for an ice lolly on a bench half way home, and now sitting in my garden, but it's probably zillions.

Bradley cooper would be a good fit I reckon

Right corona Bradley it is

Ok, conspiracy time. So whilst in Lidl I heard a woman talking to a member of staff. She said that the clouds are fake today, there is no virus it's chem trails that float down and give us symptoms and then when you go to hospital they give you an injection to kill you, thus thinning the population without any questions being asked.

Not gonna lie, I was with her about how fake the clouds look today. They're just kinda hanging there really low in the sky, and I'd actually mentioned to DD2 how unusual they looked today!

The rest is hogwash but the staff member seemed to agree with her theory

Or is it...

I’m sure the staff hear it every day and just ignore

Went to boots for OTC medicine. No sign of it, not sure when it’s back. Saturday, other chemist said same.

Went to Tesco instead of Aldi as no outside queue. Massive inside queue, which two people wandered into by accident.

Hopefully no more shopping for 2 weeks.

Talked to another neighbour on the way in. He was puzzled that I’m worried about the economy and long term impact on NHS. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lilac I think we're ok for shopping for a couple of weeks now, too. I'm hoping by then (it'll be the end of the 6th week of lockdown) that things will be slightly more relaxed.

I've had no work on lately and becoming quite concerned about my income. HMRC revealed plans to up the amount of working tax credit but I've seen no difference in mine, and it's June before I can apply for the self employment grant. Meh. DS opened his own business in January and that's in danger of going down the pan entirely if lockdown doesn't start allowing some smaller non-essential businesses to reopen. He'll have lost the money he put into it not to mention having no income for the last 6 weeks and a partner and baby DS of his own to support.

It's a bit of a nightmare to put it mildly.

The clouds could look a bit odd at the moment if you live somewhere that normally has a lot of air traffic, because air traffic can effect cloud formation. (Not a chemtrail conspiracy, just moisture coming out from jet engines and condensing in the atmosphere.) So maybe that's what your clouds would often look like without aircraft?

The problem with the shop assistant's theory is that if they were doing that, why would they tell us there was a pandemic? It would take quite a long time for people to notice the increased death rate (assuming that a government which could cover up this sort of thing wouldn't exactly feel impelled to publish accurate death statistics). So actually no need for a cover story. Leaving aside why on earth the government would want to wipe out randomly chosen members of the population. I think I'm over-thinking this...

And I apologise to shop assistants everywhere, just realised it was a customer with the crazy theory!

We've got little wispy clouds today, so our part of the country must be safe from the covid chemtrails. Phew!

I went to the beach, had a run in one direction, sat in the car and had a cup of tea while I got my breath back, then had a plodge in the sea. I was pleased to see I had a few partners in crime who had also driven to the beach. Was it one of you lot? I think we need a secret sign.

This is our last sunny day for a while so I'm going for a second lot of exercise this evening. It's that or go to m&s for walnut whips now that someone has mentioned it, it's all I can think of. I think the exercise is the lesser of two evils, considering how much more space I'm now taking up than 5 weeks ago.

Lilac the leaf man could see my full.name and area I live in but I deleted my message and the pm conversation so think I'm safe. Made me think though. Rest of posts quite normal on the site really. Couple of things like giving honey to the elderly or come and get a kilner jar of sourdough starter type thing which are a little strange though.

I noticed M & S had adverts telling us to come in as their foodhall is open. I guess as it's so quiet. Wonder what they do with all the lovely food. I heard they are giving some away to old folks homes which is nice of them