Jackass whisperers against the cheap beer virus

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Thread number...4?!? Fucking hell I've never been so popular.

Keep on keeping on and ,moan,whinge and laugh while you enjoy your deliveries and cackle evilly while you kill thousands.

All under the benevolent eye of your awesome , yellow and very ripe leader.

May the bleach be with you.

morning all
pigeons so sorry to hear about your neighbour. dont feel guilty though. in reality there would have been little you could have done. If the stoke was severe enough to kill her it was likely to have been quick. My Aunt died of a massive stroke at the end of Feb and her husband was there, but she basically just sat donw (after making an apple pie) and died.

Isabelle sorry you are feeling down. Try not to stress about the whole wieght thing. Once your injury is healed a bot more you could increase your walking a bit maybe? I have also gained about a dress size since lockdown - too scared to actually weigh myself!

I have woken up in a bad mood. Yesterday evening I think we were all getting a but grumpy with each other. DS1 (22) has basically stopped talking to anyone in the house at all and just appears for food. DD2 (17) has basically become nocturnal. dd 3 and 4 are just snappy and irritable and ds2 is fine until you suggest he might like to do anything other than play on the switch when he then explodes.
sigh......I must admit I do really feel for them - they haven't seen their friends in weeks, dd2 and 3 have had A levels and GCSEs cancelled so they are stressing about that and how their grades will be decided after years of studying for them, Ds1 is meant to be finishing his masters and starting a job in the Netherlands in July but doesnt know what will happen with that. DD2 is stressing about what might happen for her Uni place in September. It is all just a bit shit for them really....I could never say this on another thread because you know, apparently they should just be glad to be ALIVE and what do their stresses matter compared to those DYING and the blue angles SAVING them......

OK , rant over.
I'm off for a busy day at work in a bit. Just priming with caffeine!

unlikely to have much time for murdering today. I will be out and about today but that is in the name of work so possibly not murderous. Might pack my AK47 in the care just incase though.

Under his Fucking Eye

orange I actually think that is a really good ieda. Plan in 2 walks a day around the time of school drop off/pick up - could be the route to scholl or another route. It will get you some exercise and add a bit of structure (normality?) back to your day.

I just did it and feel a bit better. One of my conditions is depression so need to exercise for that really. I put on the fitbit which I had taken off when it started telling me that I was doing less steps than usual, anyway I met only one person, an elderly man at the top of the hill who started hoarding his small bunch of doggies aroung him snap turning away as I approached. I brightly said "Good morning' to which he did reply before turning into his phone.

On the way down I saw a lady with a small child and her fells wearing a mask, which she took off and smiled. Weird isn't it.

I have got the board game Pandemic which is still in it's wrapper from when I got it for us for Christmas! How prophetic! We can play that later perhaps with the DC.

I also clicked on a link on twitter- somewhere even more gloomy than some of the threads on here!

'lockdownend'- thought it might be rational people chatting about that but no, it's even worse ..

twitter.com/search?q=%23LockdownEnd&src=trend_click

if you want to see, be prepared it is pretty miserable!

fella, not 'fells' Fitbit says 15 mins activity now, need 30 to meet the daily target so if I do that again it should meet it I suppose. Not motivated but feel a bit better afterwards.

In the news today it is saying, what people are not thinking enough about is the time after this when we'll have economic turmoil and probably a recession, all the health costs of that also, so we will need to learnt to live with this virus rather than hiding away forever. It will be hard now though because of the way the gov have frightened everyone etc. with their 'stay safe' etc. Making the world seem really unsafe. People will struggle to adapt because of it

They say coverage by the news in e.g. France and Germany has been much less emotional and far more rational and analytical. So this people might be less anxious and afraid and emotional. Emotional contagion is a thing isn't it.

So this people in the twitter screaming 'soft cunts' (nice!) at the people wanting to ease the lockdown, are actually probably just really scared

twitter.com/search?q=%23LockdownEnd&src=trend_click

PS I just went there on an email link to the DCs primary school, don't usually go on twitter

Max I get where you are coming from, feeling much the same here, my eldest is 15 and meant to be doing GCSEs next year, he is still in bed...they are like vampires staying up late but I guess teens are meant to have this circadian rhythm where they do that. At least they are maybe doing as nature intended. It isn;t easy being copped up with their sarcastic gloomy selves at times for weeks on end. I struggle to get mine to go out with us, but they seem to meet mates on gaming platforms, shouting annoyingly with them over headphones, sometimes. Other than that they palely lurk in darkened rooms glaring into their screens, emerging to ask for food

Morning my fellow wobble-tastic Bananians.

@Orange your children sound entirely normal. You are clearly an awesome parent.

I've noticed that we all seem to have a dip on Monday mornings, perhaps because we face another week of more of the same. Good to have this little band of renegades.

I had a good chat with some friends over the phone yesterday. They are a couple who are incredibly beautiful physically. In really great shape and much admired by us mere mortals. Anyway, they have got a bit of a wobble on too. So, I'm happy to report that we are all in this together. I suspect that baggy tracksuits will be the new "skinny jean" when we all emerge.

Pigeon I’m so sorry.

Orange yes, the hysteria- and the moralising about how it’s “good for us” is contagious. And very annoying!

Morning all

 to anyone feeling shit

@Thepigeonsarecoming don't feel guilty love, even if you were there at the right time, there is no guarantee you could've made a difference. It's a human reaction to think what if,and how you could've helped but in the nicest way possible, you are not God.

@LilacTree1 I hope your boiler get fixed,and quickly

@Maxandezra that is a lot of people,hormones,worries and stress in one house. Being all cooped up with no real outlets or ways to get some distance will make things worse. Just remember it's not you,or them .. it's the situation they're reacting to.

@Shitsgettingcrazy hope you have a good week, no asshole issues and remember to put yourself first at times. It is necessary.

@Orangeblossom78 routine does help, anything that brings a bit of normalcy . There is comfort in doing what you know, especially now when most people would have you think the Apocalypse is upon us. Do whatever you think might help. Mental health needs are just as essential and necessary as food and medicine.

Princess booker all right this morning. Loose connection? Could be annoying as I think I know what will happen and it’s a right pain to get fixed.

I’ve posted an article about London recovery from Covid and I think I’ve attracted a pissed off person already. But any bumps to the thread are good!

Might have to do a food shop 😱

Booker? Boiler.

Morning all, definitely need a food shop today. That should be fun. Full scale meltdown when I took DD2 last time. It's all a bit overwhelming for a 9yo. She's alright in town because it's so quiet but I can't do a decent shop from a tiny Sainsbury's. I never realised what a blow you Jack mentality my extended family had until I actually needed them to be there for me.

I will definitely be buying non-essentials.

Sorry you're upset Pigeon, that's really sad news. for you, I really don't think there's anything different you could've done x

I have a question for you good people. I have just been to Wilko's and Poundland for totally non essential stuff. Do I hand myself in at the newest police station and am I now a notorious serial killer that will have books and podcasts made about me?

@Coronabored You might have got away with either Wilko's OR Poundland but both of them?? No Way!! You have probably killed at least eleventy billion (god I love that number!!) poor souls If it gives you any peace, I will read the book about you!

I don't know if I mentioned this the other day. There is a tool on the BBC website that shows the numbers for your area. The confirmed cases in my area amount to 0.17% of the population. The death rate stands at 0.015% of the population. Even if those are underestimated, which they presumably are, I was staggered by how low the figures are. Even if we multiply them by 10, they're still not big percentages.

A couple of weeks ago I had descended into the fear of the supermarket etc, scared of possibly catching it. But on those odds, I'd actually have to be quite unlucky to come into contact with someone at the shop who has the virus.

Hand yourself in? With that number of death you should go out with a bang!

Like visiting someone and talking to them at a distance and waiting for the police to show up, then threaten to breathe on your "hostage". Get taken in a blaze of murderous laughter.

Isabelle yes. I think it’s also unlikely you’d catch it from passing by someone quickly in the supermarket.

I also think most people don’t know how low the figures are.

Morning lockdown rebels

Im back in work again today, by myself - getting used to it a bit much. Seem to get lots done though. My curtain twitching neighbours are probably messaging each other as we speak about how dare I leave my house ...

Ive sort of avoided MN over the weekend after seeing some pathetic 'why are you not at home' threads on Sat morning. Its beyond tedious now. Lucky these people can all afford not to leave the house isn't it?

Sorry to hear about your neighbour pigeons - its terribly sad but it's so difficult now to look after ourselves aswell as neighbours we may not speak to on a daily basis also

I'm going to pop to M&S on the way home to treat myself to something. Any ideas? Alcohol ... again?

@coronabored you've no doubt wiped out countless people there. I was going to do a rough estimate for total kills on this thread but I don't think there's a big enough number.

As a published author (minor stealth boast) I'll happily write the memoirs of the mumsnet bananian thread of murderesses

Sometimes I go on a murderous spree into the centre taking in both Waitrose and m and s at once. M and s has started putting clothes in the bit you are allowed in along with cosmetics now. Then I wander along eating a ready made sandwich to the little park as well. Does wonders for my mental health and brings back stuff for elderly neighbour but the death toll must be huge.

Some odd guy on a neighbourhood site keeps messaging me after I told him gates would be ok if people just washed thier hands after using them. He thinks if people open gates or Stiles they need to use a leaf!

Now he's started messaging me to keep going on about why I should use a leaf. Ignoring. He can keep his leaf!

Smile - of course, duly noted. Then if it gets made into a film we know who they can cast for your role.

Orange - a LEAF??? what a strange individual