Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

@Smilethoyourheartisbreaking excellent plan! There's rain forecast later too so that'll get it extra clean.

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock that's a great plan but in order to carry it out I'll need to order a bigger freezer which will result in several thousands of deaths. Have you no consideration?!

Incidentally I am going to punch something (just a cushion, don't want to put extra strain on the NHS) if I see the phrase 'spirit of the lockdown' one more time. Like it's all some Vera Lynn white cliffs of Dover British bulldog knees up or something and not another entry for the competitive lockdown Olympics.

morning all you crazy murdering bunch.
I actually had an alcohol free day yesterday and have woken up feeling quite spritely minus a hangover - who knew this is what I used to feel like most mornings
In fairness I am planning a lot of murderous activitiy today. I will be ordering ....some new clothes for DS2 (12) on line as he has dared to grow bless him and his jeans are now half way up his legs. But, whilst Im at it I may chuck in some new stuff for me as I could do with some new summer bits. And I most certainly wont be disinfecting/quarantining any of it once it arrives
I must make myself do some exercise today too....
and I actually need to buy a bday cake for ds1(22) bday on Thursday as I cant be arsed to bake one....although that may be preferable to facing the supermarkets again and can you imagine the scandel of going shopping JUST FOR A BIRTHDAY CAKE

"I hope you three ‘characters’ find peace in these difficult times. I hope you can redirect your anger as so evidently displayed here and turn it into a special peaceful force that brings you a happiness I feel you are each missing in your lives because you come across as being very bitter and selfish. Please do take care of yourselves, and stay well you and your loved ones."

I had this to wake up to this morning. I can't even...

@QuimJongUn apparently people have been panic buying freezers too ,so really really poor planning on your part.

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock no room for a panic-bought freezer here. I'm afraid my bunker is too full of panic-bought toilet roll, pasta and paracetamol for a new freezer.

Also wtf is that message? Was it in your inbox?!

Just a comment on one of the threads I'm on. I got over myself and now I just find it funny. Bitter and angry indeed.

Not with my three Argos murder bags , I'm not.

@Smilethoyourheartisbreaking it made me think of you.

Yes @PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock allotments are still allowed but in other threads I have been told that I should be doing all that is necessary in my one hour allotted (pardon the pun) time. Somehow me working longer in the middle of the plot far away from anyone is going to cause spreadage.

When the rhubarb gin is ready I was thinking of offering shots of it to the supermarket queue. DH is quite handy, I am sure he could come up with a 2m pole with cup grip.

@GnomeDePlume since the one hour rule is completely made up alongside many other made up bullshit, you can tell to go fuck themselves. With a chair. Repeatedly. Or just hide in here. You can pay in produce if you don't have any pet pics.

We are doomed! Doomed I tell you!

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-8215311/Your-virus-questions-answered-leading-experts.html

Sorry I don't know how to make it a clicky link but AIBU to have my head in my hands over this?! Throw away perfectly good homemade cakes?!!!

Questions must be asked @PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock - who are the other two in "you three characters"?? Do you have another gang other than this thread posse? Or does it refer to your split personalities (in which case that's fine)?

I thought it might have been a neighbour note pitying you for not having the clap...

I give the note a B+ for passive aggressive virtue signalling (the + is for creating the tone of "false sympathetic head tilt". But to reach an A they would have to up their game. I was once told I had a shrivelled husk of a once-beating heart. Beat that

I'll eat all the cakes, you can just nickname me bin for the duration of the lockdown if it helps ease your conscience.

Hey there Killerz. I’ve been for a run (death count probably about 75, I didn’t pass within 2 metres of anyone but we know it’s still Not In The Spirit). I even smiled and called hello to a few people, murdering bastard that I am.

What is a bunch of psychopaths called anyway?

Umm I groomed a floof damn auto text thingy. How do you even groom a flood?
P.S. If you don't know what a Patronus is considered yourself banned and exiled to the land of froth and pitchforks

Ya dont get rid of me that easily. I've no clue what your on about but i ain't leaving and you cant make me >
I'm off to meet my mate soon in the park with floofs. Am sure it will lead to the massacre of thousands, but ah well.

What is a bunch of psychopaths called anyway? A murder?

I was unreasonably excited today to actually go out. I needed, needed coffee beans. Once I was there I purchased totally non-essential raspberry vinegar and fancy honey. And paper towels. I suppose some sad person is now left to dry their hands in the seat of their pants. I also ordered chocolate. I can’t even begin to imagine the devastation left in my wake.

That’s a great message Princess, the sugar-sweet exterior hiding and interior boiling with rage. You must have been spectacularly murderous to deserve that. Well done you.

This was me today.

'Spirit of the Lockdown' that could be the trade name for my supermarket queue rhubarb gin venture

Great idea Gnome . You'd make a killing!