Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

Morning psychos.
Smile i trust you will be using your old bras as face masks to prevent more murders on your conscience? There us a brilliant meme on one of the threads but i can't find it.

Princess wtf was all that about?

Throw away cake???😲
Is this the end of days?
Surely just bin the foil, wash hands and scoff cake? What kind of hard case is the virus that it will survive being baked?

No murderous plans today just bathroom work and probably should drag hoover around and bleach the front path and gravel

I'm taking DD out twice today. Once for some shopping and once for a 'run' seeing as trampolines are now extinct in the UK.

Well DD is awake and jumping happily from one package to the other. More puzzles too, but went for easier ones. Not going through that again.

Today I’m ordering frivolous freezer bags from eBay.

And I’m not even going to disinfect the box.

Finally I have found my people. Where have you all beeeeeen?

The dc and I went to the beach yesterday. In the CAR. And we saw not one single person (we live in the middle of nowhere) but I assume we have murdered at least sixteen dozen seagulls on our rampage.

I also went shopping for wine but added butter and milk to the basket to make it look essential. Then I drank the wine in the garden and had to cook chilli half cut with dance tunes on and 2 very happy children declaring mummy is fun today!

Ds wrote 'more wine' on the shopping list!

Today we are all still in bed despite it being the first day back to school. I've decided we will have an inservice day and maybe watch a documentary later....

@QuimJongUn are you drowning in the spirit of the lockdown now?

bettertimes - you are raising your children well! Fun mummies are the best.

We have become complete chiminea fire addicts over the long weekend. We have now burnt everything that could be burnt. DC was eyeing up the garden furniture yesterday, brandishing an axe, so I made them back away and go and play XBox (I am that kind of parent). This morning on my killing spree dog walk, I collected a variety of logs and branches from the woods to bring back to BURN BURN BURN.

It has given the curtain-twitchers new things to tsk about as I quite brazenly dragged them into my back garden without even a cursory bleaching.

This lockdown better not last much longer though, I think I am seriously losing it a little

I have another lockdown business venture idea for supermarkets:

Construct a hitching rail with collars every couple of metres. Fit collar to child, pay fee for however long child is to be left. At the end of the agreed time the child is retrieved by the parent.

Used collar is dropped in a bucket of industrial alcohol.

For an extra fee I could offer a jet washing service.

Gnome do it! You’ll make a fortune!

I did actually bleach my patio this morning (not a euphemism). I found a load of Chernobyl strength acid and thought it would be quicker than jet washing. Sloshed it on and left it. All very enjoyable.

The very strong smell of chlorine will make my neighbours think either we are very hygiene conscious or we’re re-enacting WW1.

Good day fellow renegades. I am still gobsmacked (oops, sorry, mustn't touch my face, how careless) at your message @PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock these people have nothing better to do with their hairshirt lives.

We had a message on our small town FB page last week from someone working at Royal Mail who said people were sending far too much stuff through the post at the moment and that apparently birthday cards and other such are totally unnecessary at times like this and it was giving him and his fellow works far too much work! I despair!

Off to peruse threads of dettol, bleach, rubber gloves and face masks and see what joy and laughter then contain.

Well ds2 and i have broken a cardinal rule by having nerf gun fun today. Must have killed thousands i suppose.
We are still doing the damm bathroom but had to wait for dust to settle from sanding so he had a mad turn with various guns.😂

Great business ideas you will both be millionaires by the end of this.

Have you sern the thread where the police have asked the general public to do thier own policing of guideline breakers? They must be fed up with the curtain twitchers ridiculous reporting! What a brilliant idea give the stazi free reign to confront people whom they believe are rule breaking. And we all know most of them dont know the guidelines from astro-physics! And it wont be 6' blokes they are challenging. It will be women and single mothers, etc etc who they dont expect to answer back because, you know, women should know thier place. Bloody genius idea.🤔

On one of the threads on highlighting the actual guidelines.
Somebody said that they go out more than once a day for exercise etc (there is a direct quote on the thread from the guidelines showing there is no limit to the amount of times you can go out...) cue someone asking them "So you are breaking the guidelines then?"
There is no hope!

There is a good link to the full guidelines on it and thete are liafs of reasons why you can go outside its quite an eye opener. If any of the stazi read them thier heads would explode in frustration😀 all those 'loopholes'they keep screaming about arent loopholes at all🤣🤣

Loads not liafs!!!!

oh I have sinned!
Just "popped" to our local JTF which has re-opened. In fairness I needed washing powder and do always buy the giant boxes form there. But I also BROWSED and bought quite unnescessary garden shears! It was deserted and everyone was just going about their own business and purchasing many unnecessary items - it was most wonderful but obviously means I have killed many, many people!
In penance I am now going to take ds2 and dd3 for a "run" wish me luck!

I've found you! I had lost you all and thought you were gone forever...

I've just had a crate of wine delivered and I'm not sorry

@Maxandezra - garden shears! How exciting! Oh the fun you can get up to with those.

'Browsing' in a shop ?? I recall the heady days of when I used to do that!

I recall the outrage when someone made the massive mistake to mention browsing when shopping. Poor poster didn't know what hit them!

BROWSING!!!!

you might as well be clubbing baby seals you wretch you!

More painting done, more washing folded, more coffee
Living the dream folks, living the dream.

whats JTF?

@Willow2017 I had a look at the Government guidelines and yes, I can imagine heads exploding all over the place (I do hope they've all been fully bleached and kept in the garage for 72 hours before they dare let them explode). So many loopholes!

According to the guidelines, you could drive to a park and actually walk with one other person not from your household (aka a friend/relative) as it's only gatherings of more than 2 that are not allowed. Obviously keeping the 2m distance at all times. I can almost hear the jaws dropping, sharp intakes of breath (away from anyone else who dares to breath) and the sound of nervous tics even as I write that!

I have had a bath and then had a nap. I didn't even recycle the bath water.

I'm a monster.
Am now contemplating sitting in the sun in the back garden and breathing. Might even engage in some lighthearted conversation with my family and truly bring an end to civilisation as we know it. I can certainly hear some psychotic serial killers laughing a couple of gardens away. They appear be disregarding the roolz. Surely it's not in the Spirit of the Lockdown to laugh on a Tuesday? Terrorists.

Was very intrigued to read about people getting cases of wine delivered!
I am avoiding the other threads on MN. They just make me sad.

Am I weird in that I actively enjoy sitting in my garden and hearing other people's music?

The woman from down the street was handing out rhubarb to all and sundry yesterday (I think at least 4 of us are making crumble). And half a dozen households joined in next-door's Sing Hymns With The Radio on Sunday morning. Clearly we are all going to die and go to hell.

(I too thought the first few posts on the Garage Book thread were a joke...)

I'm sure I've posted already? Maybe I put it on the wrong thread? Fuck knows.

Anyways, been good again except for the 7:33 am delivery ofc. Played Roblox with DD (made her year), attempted crosstitch (very badly) , did a new puzzle and generally just watched her mucking about with her new stuff.

Even the cat likes it!!