Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

He found a pub open? Awesome! I never say awesome!

DH loomed large and portentous over me at the mention of the pub and did his best Gandalf impression: 'Keep it secret, keep it safe!'

Can I be Minister of Incredibly Geeky Pursuits?

Mate of his runs one ... and sent him a text. He's very tight lipped about the hows and whys just grinning like a maniac shouting "the pub was open the pub was open!".

I take it LTB is not the appropriate reaction ,more like hail the God.

There should definitely be a Minister of Fripperies

You can be the minister for fripperies and furbelos (sic)

Excellent new Cabinet! All my expenses will be on wood, paraffin and Boots Emergency Burn Gel (we're not all perfect firestarters)/

isabelle - I fully expect your press briefings to be like this:

Just back from Tesco.

I have decided that the worst 'offenders' in terms of distancing etc are the ones clad out in PPE. Humans are a strange breed.

evening again all rebellers.

The gin has indeed helped. Position of minister for frolicking and fruit blessing gratefully accepted. Do I get an AK47?

Have lived up to my position by frolicking in the back garden. Birthday cake, firepits and alcohol were all involved.

May need to sleep soon as actually very exhausted. sinning behaviour will resume tomorrow!

May the Lord Open. Under His Eye

Idea for HQ

we need to get hold of a row of terraced houses where the firewalls weren’t built in the attic, enabling house to house murderers to travel safely within their teams.

Lala - if we’re headed for Islington, my AK47 is going to be well used 😂

Found some colouring for you all.

GreatWave 😂

Who is our Minister for Sciency Stuff? That vaccine thread is 😳😳🙄

I saw a reference on MN, saying that Dr Hilary Jones said you shouldn’t wash your car during lockdown. I thought it was a joke! But no...

www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/drivers-warned-shouldnt-washing-cars-21876557

He needs to be off the TV, for the good of the country.

Took a while to catch up as haven’t been on for a few days

DH is not doing well with lockdown, he’s still working but mainly from home. I’ve found out he’s the person who sends and email and then immediately calls the person to say “I’ve just sent you an email”

He’s taken to completely needed DIY jobs, and building random shit in the garden. Yes I like bees but we now have excessive bee boxes! Plus if he brings home on more garden shrub for me to plant...it’s not a big garden, there is no more room!!! Plus I’m probably killing people planting them, and he’s killed people buying them

People on my close have thankfully given up clapping but it looked like a party at my local hospital from FB photos

Loved the book idea mentioned, would happily rate it 5*. A joyless world is what we murderers need right now, it’s the only thing which will get the NHS through this after all. Can we start a proper smiles kill campaign, get the kids to replace their rainbow pics with frowning drawings??

Unneeded...that should have read

There’s a thread about how to clean the inside of food packaging 🤦🏽‍♀️

@lilactree1 just been reading that! I did chuckle at one of the responses though

Bury everything in the back garden for 48 hours. Then microwave on medium for 48 seconds. Incantation invoking mother earth protection and wisdom. Quick once over with a flame thrower. Good to go

Glad to see some humour :)

Morning my fellow cabinet ministers!

Hope we are all ok today!

Off to check out the crazy and the test of the MN!

@Thepigeonsarecoming I hope your DH isn't making excess noise with his DIY, you don't want to upset the neighbours like the poster in the letter from the council thread! Talk about a pile on!

morning all,

pigeon your comment about smiling reminded me of a poem I learned at school - many, many years ago - and when I re-read I realised it now all makes perfect sense. It is indeed smilig that is the problem so the fun sponges and joy suckers were right!

"Smiling is infectious,
you catch it like the flu,
When someone smiled at me today,
I started smiling too.

I passed around the corner
and someone saw my grin.
When he smiled I realised
I'd passed it on to him.

I thought about that smile,
then I realized its worth.
A single smile, just like mine
could travel round the earth.

So, if you feel a smile begin,
don't leave it undetected.
Let's start an epidemic quick,
and get the world infected!"

so there you have it. enjoyement,fun and as you can see smiling does indeed kill people. Hope you're all happy with yourselves.

planning on doing not very much today. Although do need to catch up on housework (there will be no smiling for that) but will open wine and have chcocolate for suitable frolicking later .

blessed be the fruit.

and yes, the thread about cleaning the insides of packets - WTAF!!!!