Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

shits too bad, not bead

Morning all

@TheGreatWave hope the leak gets fixed. Never a good time to happen, but even worse now.

@GnomeDePlume and @Shitsgettingcrazy hope you have at least an ok day working. Shits I hope your arsehole behaves.. What did you end up buying for DP's birthday?

@Thepigeonsarecoming don't blame you, that Good Doctor episode was brutal. I cried loads too.

@Maxandezra enjoy your last day and have fun murdering people at the garden centre.

As for the other threads I can't even deal with them anymore. Lost the anger,the outrage ,the incredulity at it all and it's more of "meh...people suck" "same shit different day". Fuck it. It's a sad state of affairs and the surprise is finding reasonable answer instead of "burn the witch!" . Just happy we seem to be safe despite being right in the middle of it. Maybe they don't want The Clap .

Morning you murderous reprobates!

I am going to be excessively demanding and ask you all to actually do something vaguely productive!

Today is my birthday, I am doing a zoom party thing this evening and boldly announced there would be a quiz. I was entirely unprepared for this yesterday when I made the announcement so spent most of the day coming up with a questions.

However I haven’t done the Science and Nature round, so if any of you have some good quiz questions on that topic please share!

Secondly I would like you to list all the things I can do today to celebrate (bearing in mind that I am very poor)

Aww happy birthday Soup 🌺🌸🌼🥳

I could just post pics of our trivial pursuit questions, because I'm lazy. Oh and definitely what bamboo is(still mind blown on that one).

To celebrate... try on all your new bras and hang out with us. Have pancakes for breakfast, order a takeaway, dye your hair purple, give yourself a spa day with face masks and mayo in your hair () ,prim and plump whatever you want. Can you go for a walk and wave at people that you'd like to see?

Dunno really, my birthday is right before xmas so I have more experience of not celebrating it and people being too busy/broke for it.

Never had a bday party as a kid...world's tiniest violin playing.

Morning all
Happy Birthday Soup Have a great day just doing whatever makes you feel good. Eat drink and be merry
No help with questions, sorry.

Working soon, ooh joy another 5 boring hours. Who knew 5 hrs could drag out soooo long? Hope work goes smoothly for the rest of you who are slaving away too.

The levels of hysteria and lack of critical thinking on here is depressing. Did you see the driving lessons one? First 20 posters sarcastically telling op that driving instructors were not working and she couldnt social distance in a car etc etc never considering she meant with her dp! Then that wasnt good enough because basically a trip to the supermarket on empty roads would cause a multi-car pile up and take all the firemen and police and ambulances from the entire country to go to her aid. I would have thought this was the perfect time to get used to the mechanics of a car, on empty roads, someone even said the same..usual waste of time. I stayed stumm, cant be bothered with all the vitriol anymore. Now I just read and skip to next thread its really spoiling MN these days. And I bet they arent deleting stuff as they want the numbers to stay up. So much for a support site!
KBO folks.

Nature question: True or False - there is a variety of tree called the "No Parking" tree?

(True, the No Parking Whitebeam is rare species of Whitebeam discovered in a layby on Exmoor and named after the sign attached to its trunk! Disclaimer: not my own research, but told by someone whose job it is to know about the countryside.)

When I eventually rise from my bed I think I will drag the boy out for a walk and go and wave at assorted people. Then I think I might bake myself a birthday cake. A decadent chocolate orange one I think...

After I’ve baked that I have decided we will have chip butties for lunch. I have not thought beyond that (until my zoom thing later)

What is the bamboo thing @PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock I must have missed that?!

Morning all. Happy Birthday soup

Today I am starting my marathon training my running-thang. I have shoes, I have a treadmill, I have motivation. I can do this! Plus, the first session involves lots of walking and self-congratulating, so that is totally do-able.
It's another sunny day here, so that means we will probably be burning things again. I may also bake a cake as someone else mentioned one, and after my energetic exercise, I will definitely need to top up with cake. I will even dedicate it to soup to remove any guilt.
It was bin day here today and it appears that my entire cul-de-sac have become alcoholics over the last two weeks. The noise from the bottles being taken away was like some weird antidote to The Clap.

That bamboo is a grass, which probably everyone already knew except me. And I refused to believe it until I googled it.

@Shitsgettingcrazy fuck me that must be hard. Screw it have a big booby hug , I'll try to stop myself from breathing for the duration.

Happy birthday @soup, I had my birthday in lockdown last week and it wasn't half bad so hopefully you'll have a good one. Plus cake. And Zoom.

It's sunny today so I'm taking DD into town for stuff. Definitely hair dye and she wants glitter. I don't drive so we'll definitely be longer than an hour waking there then shops then walking home.

I'm hating how unless you work on 'the front line' or are dying, you're not allowed to complain about anything. Shit stuff are still shit, pandemic or not.

I miss not hanging out with my older kids, is that ok? To be a bit cheesed off that I can't see my them? Of course it is, but you'd never believe it when I mention how I want to give them a hug and I get 'people are DYING' as a response. Yes, I'm fully aware of that! But shit things are still shit..

Right. I'll try and prise DD out of bed and try not to kill anyone for the sake of hair dye and glitter.

Q. What is the elephant’s closest relative species-wise?
A. Rock Hyrax.

Q. Closest relative to snow leopard?
A. Tiger.

Q. A Peruvian Inca Orchid is a:

plant
dog
tree
paint colour

A. Dog

Q. Skin writing is?

An allergic reaction?
Painting on animal skin?
Tattoos using words?

A. An allergic reaction.

Ooh all my Yodel deliveries arrived in one go! That was like Christmas!! I ordered a new dining table and chairs because my old set is about to collapse. And one of my dogs had her puppies on Friday so I ordered a pen for them. Yes, I know there's a pandemic on. I've also ordered planters and compost for the garden. Ooh and my other dogs need new tennis balls.

It's my eldest DDs day off today. I was going to ask if she wanted to meet us in town and walk around one below at a 2m distance? Thoughts anyone?

Some excellent questions here. Thanks peeps.

I will happily be the conduit of all cake related guilt today, be it baking or eating, it is my birthday after all and this you are all required by me to have cake.

Am feeling a bit emotional now as when I got up I found my mum had popped a card through the door with a note inside asking if I had anything nice for diner and saying she was going to the village butcher later and would get me something nice. It’s a little gesture but it means such a lot when We’re in isolation.

Then to top it off a friend of mine had left a birthday care package of wine, gin and chocolate on the doorstep too. sniff I appear to have something in my eye...

My neighbours must think I am extremely murderous with all these doorstep comings and goings.

Happy birthday soup. Have all the cake.

Also CrowCat. Puppies? Are you denying your tribe puppy photos? What kind of puppies?

@CrowCat you Must post pics of the puppies or else you are banned from the thread. Cant go around in these times of emergency just mentioning joyous things like that without photographic evidence. DON’T YOU KNOW THERE IS A PANDEMIC ON?!

Thanks @soup I'll definitely pick up a cake in town now. I had a bit of something in my eye on my birthday, my mum, brother and older kids had all left care packages for me in the garden and cards through the door. Sniff. It was nice though 

Right. Yes. Puppy pics! She's a grumpy chihuahua and won't even let me touch them to see if they're boys or girls yet, but I'll get a pic or two when I move them into the litter crate

Happy Birthday Soup.

Have a good day all.

Happy Covid Birthday @soupforbrains - mine was a few weeks ago so can relate to the non birthday feeling. I ate lots of cake and drank lots of alcohol though. The sun is shining too so I hope you have a merry birthday either way

I am working today - but I am craving some Pringles. Essential to my well being, I think Im going to stop somewhere on the way home to buy some. Naughty I know but we dont have many pleasures in life right now

@looby PRINGLES!! I'll pick some up too. What with Pringles and cake for @soup's birthday, and all my deliveries turning up this morning, it's shaping up to be a good day. Are we still allowed to have good day?

Holy moly I just wandered onto the other threads and it makes attitudes in The Handmaids Tale look positively liberating!
Blessed be the fruit.

soup happy birthday

I have just had the best outing ever! As you know I was on a mission to buy plants. Had found one local nursery on Facebook advertising various plants you could collect etc... Was going to go there but then popped to the other local nursery I normally use on the off chance it was open and it was! I love this place. It is basically just a big polytunnel and outdoor space with loads of plants really good value and run by a couple of chaps who seem to mostly employ folk who may not otherwise find employment. (couple of recovering alcoholics, some with past drug use or criminal histories etc) I know this cause thay all chat quite openly about their past. Anyway, they were open as usual and it was awesome. No one was being hysterical. You could wander around and select your plants as usual. All perfectly safe as loads of space but the lack of hysteria was epic. I even took 20 Yr old dd with me bacuse she is really struggling and really needed to get out the house and we weren't even challenged about being together. It's going to be my new favourite place to visit! I managed to buy ferns, delphiniums, hostas and some tomato and strawberry plants and some compost. Now happily pottering in the garden. No doubt the local curtain twitchers will be having a meltdown if they saw me and dd unloading the plants from the car but hey ho!

pringle yes, it is exactly like living through some sort of version of the Handmaid's Tail.

Tale, not tail. Obvs!