Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

I've got a delivery coming from the poundshop and I cannot wait. It's full of all sorts of nonessential goods such as biscuits, plant food and pens for the kids. Hope the delivery man has written his will.

crow not being able to see your adult DC most definitely is shit. I think walking round town with adult dd seems totally reasonable. Before the world went mad there was evidence to show that it was quite hard for the virus to spread in outdoor spaces. Looking after yours and your adult DC mental health is important too.

Soup Happy birthday

Today’s murderous regime includes the Pound shop, Boots and Aldi. Is it socially acceptable to read a book in the queues?!

Lilac - a book?!!! Are you entirely mental??? All those pages, full of virus, from your plague-ridden hands??! May as well have brought an AK-47 to the queue and have done with it.

Shame. Shame. Shame.

Pringle - 😂
Yes, but I don’t have an AK 47 so a book is the only alternative I could think of.....

Happy Birthday Soup. Other methods for celebrating: go for a walk and wave enthusiastically at total strangers. The sane ones will wave back (they will be too far away to be sure who you are). The bonkers ones will scurry home to douse themselves in bleach in case your waving has wafted plague in their direction.

Frivolous purchase of the day: seeds for gherkins, salsify and scorzonera

DH is talking about making a coffee table from his wood stash. Alternatively he may buy one which will probably be safer. DH has been known to slice bits off himself when wielding sharp tools. Normally he just gaffer tapes them back on again but hospital trips are not unknown.

Happy birthday, soup.

I’m so pleased and glad my student DC are home with us (despite the fact they eat a LOT). They hotfooted it home in time, demonstrating to the whole of Mumsnet that I have babied them, I should have cut them off on their 16th birthday and neither of us should ever choose to see one another again. DD’s birthday is on Sunday and I have many frivolities on my shopping list for her, AND a JL and amazon delivery. Rapidly reaching don’t-give-a-shit stage.

Pandora the pound store do deliveries?? This is a potential game changer.

I intend to only purchase frivolous things today.

@max I was thinking the same. She's a key retail worker and been doing 10 hour days, she really needs some escape if only a wander round town (is wandering an acceptable word anymore?) plus my little DD misses her older siblings so much, they only moved out into their own places a few months back and we're still adjusting. I know I can't see DS as he's shielding (so much FaceTime though ) but I do think seeing my DD1 would be ok..

Coffee table is purchased - or to be accurate a nest of tables (ahhhhhh... I've turned into my DM!)

When reading bonkers threads lockdown threads I have found it helps if I assign characters from Dads Army to them - there are an awful lot of ARP Warden Hodges about berating Private Godfreys plus catastrophising Private Frazers. On this thread I feel we are a mix of Private Walker and Sergeant Wilson.

No matter how much people try to ignore it and froth against it, mental health needs are necessary and essential. It's not weak,or pathetic or thinking you're special. It's a medical need just like going out for insulin or heart medication would be. A lot of people have lost their coping mechanism and support network and being at home,shut in with your thoughts is a dangerous place to be.

To begrudge anyone,but especially those people a bit of joy or relief is where real evil stands.

Sorry for the maudlin mood, had a nap with proper weird ass dreams. Still reeling a bit.

I ordered chocolate from our fabulous local chocolate shop AND I’m going to collect it myself. Farewell a smallish city.

Question though. I keep downloading books to my Kindle app - do I need to drop my phone in bleach?

Dance only if you lick your fingers every time you turn the page.

I’ve already been told to check my mental health for trying to work out a way to see my mum.

Didn’t bother with Boots and Aldi, but pound shop was nice with limited shoppers. No compost though.

This puppy talk has reminded me that Hubby and I want to get a puppy. We've always wanted one, but we're waiting until we moved, then until I was on mat leave and then until DS was a little older. We talked about it again when first started WFH but then put it on hold when in 'lockdown'. Now I'm thinking about it again (thanks guys).

I'm assuming this talk is akin to conspiracy to murder? Can I justify this as an essential purchase?

Everyone is going to want a dog after this, understandably.

Not the best pic and she was being very precious about me holding this baby, but here's a 6 day old chihuahua puppy to brighten your day! They're all black/black and tan like their parents

I bought Pringles AND Doritos, and rose lemonade to go with my gin now I'm out of wine.

I have anxiety. Initially I was in huge panic/meltdown mode at just the thought of setting foot out to the shops, especially with a young DD. This week I've really just gone meh, this virus was there before lockdown and it will STILL be there afterwards. May as well try not to drive myself insane!!

Yup he's a he. 3 girls and 2 boys, all pretty much identical! Here, have a little cuddle

I'll need little colour coded collars when they start toddling around!

I bought Pringles yay

I really need to stay off other threads I’ve realised. I just get dragged in by the doom mongers. I need to just stay on this thread with the murderers

@ilovecherries my vag is only unhappy due to lack of action in this lockdown.m so I’m pretty sure you’re not to blame for that.