Smelly drains,STD soldier but no Clap

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

Just in case we have more crimes,murders and general mischief to confess to.

Please leave your shoes at the door, have a Dettol wash and then stand awkwardly while not consuming any perishables.

Ironic smiles and head tilts are ALOUD but absolutely no laughter,fun or enjoying yourselves.

Disinfectant and disposable whips will be provided.

Hello! So happy to find you all.

I had a Tesco delivery earlier today with birthday cake and candles and pringles.
And guess what.... I booked it when the world was buying toilet rolls a month back.

I should rot in hell... but ds will have a very happy birthday

Just checking in - I thought you'd all left me here as you'd all stopped sinning

I am thinking if the weather is half decent this weekend, that me and DP may make a picnic and go and sit in a field somewhere (Im lucky to live fairly in fairly rural area) We will be social distancing from people but it isn't in the terms of MN exercise so ... im going to do it anyway

evening all
for those that don't know JTF is an odd place - a "mega discount warehouse" in reality it sells an odd mix of stuff. The kind of place you pop in for a box of washing powder and come out with a hot tub, a new lawnmower and a juke box. Think the random aisle at Aldi on a much bigger scale! As we have a big family I do normally buy my giant packs of washing powder and toilet rolls from there (no giant toilet roll packs to be had today, obviously !) and it is quite good for gardening stuff. Also, it is just down the road from us so handy!
They do sell some random bits on line.
www.jtf.com/

so, I have trimmed the lawn edges with new shears. I forgot I also got secateurs which I will by happily pruning with tomorrow (add your own innuendos as you wish)
It was so quiet in the shop I actually went down one aisle TWICE!

I have now additionally ordered some new shorts for ds, and a new top and some nail varnish for myself.
I have been very, very bad !

I did atone somewhat my combinnig my daily exercise with dragging the 12 and 16 yr old out. They ran one mile with me before heading home and I virtuously carried on and did another 2.

I'm going for my second alcohol free day in a row....think I will need to go to bed super early to reisist the nice chilled bottle of white in the fridge.

Tomorrow I am sending DH to the shops as we need Birthday cake for ds1 and ironically pringles are on my list so maybe I'll just pop to mangoes house!

Keep up the good work all. Dont foget to bleach yourselves thoroughly before bed.

Maxandezra bloody love JTF. Our nearest massive one closed. Devastated.

Evening all. I am writing to you from a very hot, relaxing bath!

I have been positively saintly today. Not left the house at all. shockingly, my dickhead boss, threw another hand grenade into what should have been an easy day. Twat!

Dp then asked why I work more hours now than I did when I was in the office. Instead of taking it as concern I bit his head off. Some snarling mixed with 'when I was in the office I had a bloody team.....do you think I want to work all these hours?'. Poor guy was only concerned about how much they expect from me. So he went off and ran me a bath.

Bless him...I have apologised.

Feel like i might need to go to the shop later. Just to keep up my rep as a murderer, of course

Hope you are all well!

What’s JTF please?

Wondering if Poundland sell compost, I’d kill a few people for that tomorrow.

lilac click on the link in my above post.

Max, thanks, sorry I didn’t see that.

I’m darn sarf so can only think of Poundland for compost, at least that would be the shortest queue!

Evening all, I got sidetracked from the last post and have many sins to confess.

Its like the 'buying hair dye while at the supermarket makes you a murderer' all over again.

What does doing a bulk online order of hair dye from Boots make me?

I've been doing my best to keep the economy going single handed. So far I've ordered plants, nail polish, a limited edition collectors coin, a limited edition vinyl record and a cat bed (modelled below). There may be more but I can't remember.

Today I've been to the corner shop as I fancied an ice cream. I hadn't been anywhere for 2 weeks so I thought sod it, I'm going. (I did buy some milk to make it look more respectable thought).

And, I'm saving the worst for last here. Today, I booked a holiday in the US next September! Yes I know this might not be over, I know that I am single handedly killing the planet etc. but a lot has gone wrong over the last few years so we decided to go for it.

How many lashes do I get for that lot?

Wondering if Poundland sell compost, I’d kill a few people for that tomorrow

I got some in B&M last week if that helps? And some non essential biscuits and a non essential disposable BBQ

Loony, no B&M near me. I’m in London, no car. Just need a small bag of indoor plant compost. Might be better to murder via delivery agents but Poundland should be cheaper.

Sorry Looby! I didn’t call you loony, that was autocorrect!

Hahaha. I think this lockdown as sent me round the bend a little so I probably should change my username to Loony something

Shame you don't have a B&M. I keep seeing photos in newspapers of people leaving B&M and The Range with household goods ... and the comments underneath are so funny. All this non essential decorating and gardening we are doing hey. Murdering twats

How far do you think is an acceptable distance to drive to B&M or The Range? Asking for a friend

Wow... you guys could bring ISIS to it's knees if you really set your mind to it.

pink where did you order plants from? I'm struggling to find anywhere still accepting orders....

lilac I saw some bags of compost in our local co-op of you have one nearby. (do they exist darn sarf? I'm a northern lass so no clue 😂)

looby I would go to such a wonderful place - never really went to shops before - but I have nothing like that in walking distance. Well, I have Homebase but they closed completely, not even click and collect for plumbing stuff.

Max only a tiny co op, but I am going try Poundland. If the shopping police get me, I’ll have gone down fighting!

@Maxandezra I ordered them online from Gardening Express. I've no idea if they are any good but I hope so as I've ordered 3 hibiscus bushes as they are the only things I don't seem to kill!

I've also ordered some antirhinum plug plants from Crocus from the pots. I don't have a greenhouse so they'll just have to take theirs chances!

@Maxandezra are you on FB or other social media? The gardening centres where I am have been posting about delivery and random things they sell and are available for home delivery. Maybe check that out?

Thanks all for the plant advice. Crocus wasn't taking orders today.
I have though discovered local garden centre is indeed advertising plants on their Facebook site, and in a stroke of genius are also selling fruit and veg boxes so you can go to buy some essential fruit and veg and also leave with a few plants. And it's only 5 mins up the road. That's a (semi essential) trip for tomorrow. 😁

Our local garden centres are delivery only. That's fine if you know what plants you want, but I haven't got a clue what anything is called and need pictures!

Max you owe me an apple .

Started binge watching Supernatural. That should keep me out of trouble on here and in real life.