30s TTC: Club BESHicana, drinks are free and we're hungry like the WOOFL! The MSDP continues...

[Scorpette]

Come on in, collect the Grolsch bottle tops for your DM shoes at the door

We're going all-out 80s for the continuation of the Mass Summer Diffment Project: John Hughes films playing back-to-back and on BESH FM, DJ ChoCho will be playing our all-time 80s faves, from New Romantics to Synth to Goth to Hair Metal to Pop and back again (no Fields of The Nephilim, mind). Our bartenders and waiters are Ducky from Pretty in Pink, Ralph Macchio (the Karate Kid) and Corey Haim (back from the dead especially for us) and unlike most of the real 80s, we actually get to booze!

Here's hoping the authentic 80s vibe will trick our bodies into thinking we've got the ovaries of teenagers!

(Not to mention tricking them into being super skinny and able to eat whatever we want and staying that way!)

There's plenty of Babycham and Ice Magic to pour over ice-cream in the Pit and Metal Mickey will bring them to the wretched at the click of a finger.

So whaddya waiting for? Slip on the ra-ra skirts, slap on the blue eyeliner and let's get winning those baybeez! Last one in the pool's a psycho hose beast!

So sorry Twink.

Hi Twinkles so sad that you are having such a hard time of it, is there any hope for you at all, or are you just in awful limbo waiting for the inevitable?

sorry twinky. would a hawaii5-0 sytelee fish slap be appropriate?

Welcome hidethesalami, sounds like you will fit in nicely around here because your body is clearly fucking with you, and that's how we roll in these enz, braa!

Fabulous news Gin...the power of the BESH is clearly strong and doesn't like to let us go to the Deli with any ease, it's like the Lord of the Farking Rings!

Twink, hope you are okay today. We're always here for you, BESHy

Lozza, am admiring your work-wagging b-day plans. Are you, ahem, '29' on Sat or Sun? Tis my bro's on Saturday.

I think I might've wound TYF up last night by pointing at my womb, jiggling and singing 'Flawless, absolutely flawless' every 10 mins or so

Scorps Do you have pictures? I think you should frame pictures of your flawless womb.

Loz Have weekend off jealousy. Please to have a lovely long weekend of lovely with much self-indulgence.

Arial luv, howya feelin' today?

Medee, very good news gal!

Scorp what a lovely womb, may I say. How, long, ehm, excuse the rudeness, have you been BWI (bonking with intent)? I am not sure 'cause you waz here when I arrived, innit. Did you say your boytoy was all perfetto in the spunk department?

Mountie, this month marks one year of TTC And yep, TYF's has teh good spermz. So where's my baybeeeeeeeeeeeee?

Drom, I'm currently working on turning pics of it into a range of greeting cards

Soz, was meant to read 'TYF has... '. Dunno where the errant 's came from

I believe this is a call for BESHly nekkid dance around a fire, wooden spoons in hand. I am starting, who's joining?

On a more serious note, you did have a bit of a TTC break, didn't ya? Or was it just the month? Ehm, scorps do we need to repeat the entrance test for you? You do know which way to do it, right? . No, seriously, I am sure you will be a winning part of the MSDP. Though it must be very annoying, I do admit! How come they did all the tests on you before the year was up?

You know I have been meaning to ask everyone, when you go to all those tests, FC and what not, do they test your acidity (or summat, stupid cow emoticon)? I only ask because a couple I know that had been together for 10 years, could not concieve for 4, did all the tests, all unexplained, and finally, not sure how (daughter of my mum's good friends) they discovered that their 'juices' were not compatible, and, to be scientific about it, her Mangel killed his stickyjizz so there was no chance of conception. Won twinz with the first round of IVF. Am I saying something completely obvious that only I was ignorant to before?

Took 2 months out due to medical necessity, this is TTC cycle no. 12. They did the tests on me before a year was up because a) I'm 37 and b) I insisted and wouldn't be put off

Dunno about acidity. Now wondering if that's our ishoo, eeek!

Mountie I have often wondered about this. The standard work up seems to be:

For woman: Day 2/3 FSH/LH, day 21 progesterone, then tubal test, then clomid for ov probs/to boost ov., then IUI/IVF. For man: jizz in a pot.

I'm being slightly simplistic but that is my experience. So if one's problem is nothing to do with basic hormones, tubes or obvious male factor issues, how will they know about it, because as far as I can see they haven't tested for it?

For example, HO has friends who were allergic to each other or summat, and had to have grafts of each others' skin (weird) before they went on to conceive two gorgeous children. How did the docs even figure out that was the case?

twinks so sorry to hear that you having such a terrible time I really hope Tues brings good news, although you don't sound like you expect it?

scorpy yay for the super womb! There are lots of us that took a year or more for diffment, just seems to be one of those fucking annoying things that has no logic - I mean I thought that the first time I went without contraception I would get diffed - cos that's what we are told the rest of our lives! I spent so long trying not to get diffed - it was a fucking shock that it didn't happen straight away. Sorry - I know you know this - am just venting... lets hope you join the MSDP this month, cos it is SO your turn

mountie is that the natural killer cells thing? Or similar? Cos there is someone on here that I know had that - she had 4 babyfails - then on 5th diffment had speshul magik drucks and now has a baybee... took her 3 years from start to finish.

That's what I thought. I dunno SpeedyLyra but it does seem weird, which is why I asked (ignorant cow emoticon). Saying that, I know nothing about all this stuff (insert gazzillion stupid cow emoticons) so I feel dim spreding rumours and panic. Next I'll be giving you advice re. headstands and foofoos. It's just that this couple's story comes from a reliable source. But maybe I should stop hearsay and spreading menkul. Slap me hard someone.

You will recall the colleague who I texted in error last week? We have been chatting lots since "the incident", I was helping her with her mat leave planning etc. She had her 20 week scan yesterday afternoon, and texted later to say she wouldn't be in work for the rest of the week - she is waiting for a slot at the fetal medicine dept for further scanning to confirm that something is wrong. I don't know how wrong yet, but feel heartbroken that she is going through this. Also feel awful that I was envious that she had got updiffed in month one

Hi Iggy, can I stroke your bowling ball pliz?

Maybe it is iggsterpiggster. And I SO know what you mean about being told that it will happen NOW. But then you know what, it does happen like that for my RL friends .

Thanks Piggywiggy I know a lot of you lovely PESHes took a year before their BFP so am secretly hoping this will be the clincher for me this month. Is so true about the whole 'spend most of adult life scared the slightest mishap will get you knocked up then you actually try and are amazed it doesn't happen first go' thang. I'd grope ya, but I can't reach over your humungo-bump

I think they do all the more 'weird shit' (proper medical term ) tests when people move into the AC route. I wanted an AMH test but have been told you don't get that till you're sobbing nervously in the AC clinic.

Right Mountie I am going to investimigate this

Hope your colleague will be okay, Lyra. Bloody hell, what a nightmare for her

Twinks so sorry you are having to go through this.

Scropy yay to the perfect womb, but boo to no baybee yet. However, like iggy says, it so must be your turn. In fact, I demand that this is your month. How is the secs going?

Mountie I think some people have 'wrong' ph in their ffj, but not all FCs test for it... but you can help by using pre-seed, or summat of that ilk. That is their marketing theory anyway... I tried it for a month or two because I was so desperate I would have tried anything, but TG didn't like it. I think I used too much!

Salty are you out there somewhere? How are you doing?

And how are Ariel and Cass today?

Yeah, forget my rumour spreading, I think Scorpops is right, they probably do check it all out if you are going down da AC route.

Yeah but I want to know NOW - what's the point in wasting egg after egg, month after month, if nothing can stick to my acidic teflon womb? Waaaah - having a mid 30s moment: read another depressing article yesterday, which said "complete your family by age 30", for fuck's sake.

Not too bad thanks Pol. Excuse my tidal wave of self pity yesterday. I'm exhausted though. Really.

How are Twinks and Salts today? Must add to the general apologies, Twinkie - in all the concern Ginsters, you may have felt a little overlooked. We're very sorry and crossing everything for you. I'm going to re-light my candle to make another candle chain.

Am also adding "acidic vagina" onto my paranoia list, along with Mumps Whilst A Child (him not me), and no womb at all. My task this month is to take Gin's advice and get wasted a lot and shag on the stairs and stuff. See how I get on. Though that may not help much with the above scenarios.

In Daily Hell, perhaps? I am sure the probability of it being YOU is very low, which is probably why they do not check it straigh away. I think wot WisePolly says is prolly what it is.

Crossed posts there Lyra. Complete your family by thirty? Who the fuck said that?