30s TTC. It was the BESHt of times,it was the worst of times, it was the age of rummaging in gussets, drinking gin.....

[ginhag]

C'mon in BESHes to the beach bar...sprawl on comfy sofas while you wiggle your toes in the sand and watch a glorious sunset....and drink brightly coloured cocktails with sparklers in. Cos we're classy,innit.

I've got Adam and joe in as barmen, and we have a rather nice Cave of Gloom in the corner for those 'whyyyyyy meeeeeeee???' moments. We have a reggae sound system playing mob barley's greatest hits. It's a sunshine paradise!

Newcomers welcome,as long as they drag along a bucket of black humour and a vast amount of gin. And please note,some of us have been here so long we have forgotten the real world almost entirely.

Now,who's getting the next round in?

I'm at work too MardyHead. Every spring/summer/early autumn day is work in the Aries office.

I am going to work tomorrow, sod the social engagements. Today is for gardening. My garden is an absolute state and I want a barbecue.

We got the gas bill yesterday. £570 for the quarter. I Kid You Not.

Ouch, surely it can't be that high at this time of year? The last quarter is when we normally get our big one.

Tis a product of the gas board (quaint parental term) refusing to increase the DD from 45 sheets a month, despite the fact that we'd transferred from a 2.5 bed end terrace to a balls-out 4 bedroom monstrosity with original pipework and cast iron rads. No, no, no, they said. We'll see how it goes. 2 quarters in, we owe 570 coins and they want to increase the monthly payments from £45 to..... £190. Cocksuckers. Hate this DD thing where they take what they fancy every month. Going to go back to just getting a bill and paying it and stuff their '£16' DD discount, like it makes any difference.

I might point out that this has come after a 7 grand overhaul of the heating/hot water system, new efficient boiler and pipework n rads. Everyone's a cunt.

Bastards. I don't do the DD thing anymore because we always ended up paying way too much and it pissed me off. And then when I thought maybe I would set up they wanted all my card details, and I refused to give them as they aren't necessary.

Fuck em all.

Shit, Cunty, that is, well, er, CUNTY I thought our recent 'leccy bill was bad - £276 for two months for a tiny 2-bed flat This is cos British Gas have been losing our online meter readings and won't accept them now, even though we kept them written down, as we 'could be making them up after the event'. When I challenged them as to how THEY thought a place of this size could use that much leccy in such a short space of time, when we have energy-saving eco things and are obsessive about turning things off and don't have owt like a dishwasher, etc., they actually told us that 'most people lie about how much technical equipment they have to get out of paying'! Our winter bill was £150, btw. I can't even remember what bullshit they came up with to justify charging us after 2 months, not 3. WANKERS! Anyway, that's not as bad as Cunty's ordeal, but I wanted a moan (when do I not?!).

SCORP SMASH!

Bills, bills, bills. The DD thing is a nightmare; poor cuntalicious and scorphulk.

Had a delightful day. Apologies to all those who were/are working. Now back in flat, listening to TNB snore while contemplating dinner.

Why do I have no signs of oving? Day 14 of a 28 day cycle and I've had nothing. Normally I'm a bit early. All those months of not being able to do anything I got buckets of EWCM. Now I actually can get diffed I get nada. Am v.pissed off.

Am SWI anyway, just in case.

Ello slags, just popped in from deli over the road for a quick gin.

Muser I unpicked my fucking knitting in a fit of pique. Looked like had been dive bombed by moths sadly. Also keep on with the lying down kissing, cos my month of updiffment was bloody long - i.e. 3 weeks later than usual ov. So no wonder I nearly fell down the stairs when I found out.

MrM upstairs asleep. I have indigestion. Nice.

Oh honeymoo! The poor knitting. Mine is a bit holey in places but there is no way I'm unpicking it. I will just make another one now I'm better at unpicking if I drop a strand of wool. I have 8 rows to go until the end. SIL is due in 3 weeks. Plenty of time!

I am in awe of your knitting prowess. I on the other hand have a john lewis bag of 15 balls of wool that my dog likes the look of. 8 rows? You'll be done by the end of Dr Who.

I'm not very good at knitting and watching tv at the same time! Has to be something I don't need to pay attention to. But I ought to get on with it, am just slightly lacking in enthusiasm. I'm very worried it will all fall apart when I cast off, or when I try and do whatever it is you're meant to do with the long strands when you've changed wool.

Both my parents have joined Facebook in the last 24 hours. I am afraid.

Hide from them! Or at least limited profile. There are things one's parents do not need to know.

Alright, v personal question, musey. Have you had a proper rummage? You could just have less this month...? Anyway, there is no definite way of knowing that you have or haven't ovulated from observations. So things might all be working fine.

Yikes. What about swearing and sexual innuendo? When my mum sent me a friend request I said "Ok but you've got to promise not to be offended by anything I say". She's not on it much to be fair. But I do live in dread of my mother in law asking if we can be FB friends. I'd be tempted to ask why, seeing as you don't like me in real life and you're not remotely interested in anything I have to say!

Headcase, have you finished your nasty work yet? Sorry for calling you MardyHead - I meant it in a nice way.

I don't post a lot on Facebook anyway and tend to edit myself when I do, as even with privacy settings up high it's a pretty public place. I bet they'll hardly ever look at it.

I have been rummaging aplenty camelina and not come up with much evidence. But I'm sure things are happening really. I wouldn't mind things being a bit delayed as we've not had a great start. And droid did have a false start so I may be a day behind what I think I am.

I don't post private stuff on FB - it's the bastards who tag photos who worry me!

You could always try getting shitfaced - seems to produce tons of EWCM for me. Although also makes it quite pointless, as I'm either too pissed or too hungover to exploit it.

I don't post private stuff either but can be quite foul mouthed. My cousin posts some ghastly stuff - really pointed and hurt remarks about some girl she's fallen out with, or some bloke who's cheated on her. Have some dignity, woman!

hello waves

How is everyone?

Awright, sailor. We are discussing FB and gusset-rummaging. How're you?

i'm ok. Although have been feeling slightly sick all day.....possibly something to do with the catering sized glasses of vino last night...

I wouldn't rummage my gusset on FB. I'm not that kind of girl thanking you very kindly....

Oh, on FB is nothing, seasalt. Some BESHes do it much worse places than that.

Don't they, Head ????????

Well, I have t'house to meself tonight as the better half has gone out with a mate. This never happens. I am tres excited. It's going to be a wine, BGT final, hot bath and wine FEST, I tell y'all!!

Musicool rummage harder! faster! higher! Oh, no, wait, that sounds wrong. Ah well. Do it anyway I never OV till day 18 so perhaps tis just round the cervical corner, as it t'were.

It is proper hammering it down here. It's like monsoon season in a rainy place on a rainy day. I LOVE rain! Seriously. As long as I don't have to get on with normal life after getting caught in it, which, read above, I don't. So have all french doors and windows open and am hanging head out like dog. Can't wait for the temp to go down a bit. It was 36.5 in my back garden yesterday!!! Do I look Greek to you?!?!? No! I am pale and lardy. Pliz to the cold weather immediatemente

PDJames me too with the vino and the fanjam. What gives?!?

My folks aren't on FB but if they were, it wouldn't matter, as I am a paradigm of virtue, tact, dignity, chastity, calmness and piety and I never swear nor post filth nor nuffink, lawluvvaduck.

Ahem.

My Dad's on Twitter, but, as I have had to show him how to use it virtually every week for a year, I'm not worried about him seeing what I write! I don't think he even knows who I am on there!

I feel your pain though, Amusant. Even though I can swear, rant and make sick jokes with my folks, I still would be weirded out by them friending me on FB. I also hear ya about the FFJ - I used to be drowing in the stuff, then the very month we started TTC it reduced drastically and I've been worrying about it, but these last 2 months, when we've not been able to make a rude for meidcal reasons, have been awash with it again. Betcha it'll be scant again this month (oooh, get ME with me proper terminology - 'scant', indeed!).

Still, at least we ladies don't have to worry about spillage like menz do - check out THIS fred for the genius that is The Wank Mitten