30s TTC. It was the BESHt of times,it was the worst of times, it was the age of rummaging in gussets, drinking gin.....

[ginhag]

C'mon in BESHes to the beach bar...sprawl on comfy sofas while you wiggle your toes in the sand and watch a glorious sunset....and drink brightly coloured cocktails with sparklers in. Cos we're classy,innit.

I've got Adam and joe in as barmen, and we have a rather nice Cave of Gloom in the corner for those 'whyyyyyy meeeeeeee???' moments. We have a reggae sound system playing mob barley's greatest hits. It's a sunshine paradise!

Newcomers welcome,as long as they drag along a bucket of black humour and a vast amount of gin. And please note,some of us have been here so long we have forgotten the real world almost entirely.

Now,who's getting the next round in?

Then maybe... ...MAYBE IT'S SCREWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apologies at over-use of capitals and exclamation marks. I don't understand my bonhomie as I am officially premenstrual. Maybe the starflower oil is doing its thang.

Aries can I come and be your household cook?

Would be fabulous. I'd get to eat decent food, though I'm not sure what you'd get out of it. However this evening we have fresh caught this afternoon mackerel for tea.

I'd get you, my pretty! And the sea. And Rosamunde Pilcher nights! Oo mackerel is my most favourite fish. . . True! Oh god I have to work tomorrow. I keep forgetting and then remembering with a sort of sicky thud. . .

Oh, I have just belatedly realised that "I'll get you, my pretty" is also a quote from WizOz, from the Wicked Witch of the West! Slight satellite delay there. And clearly not what I actually meant.

Can't work out whether your joke or the delivery is funnier, LittleMermaid, but did make me properly laugh.

And your little dog, too.

I wanna be on a beach with y'all, drinking daft drinks and eating far too much barbecue deliciousness and creasing up with raucous laughter as we watch the sun go down.

Sounds brilliant. Can we have a campfire later? And some pretty but dim indie boy idly strumming an acoustic guitar so that we can sing songs which remind us of our youth?

Only if we can break him later on The campfire is a given!

Is another gorgy day & I'm off to do yoga in Hyde Park with my BFF & then go & smell expensive perfumes (am a scent geek) & then have lunch at best veggie restaurant in London. What're your plans, BESHes?

NB I do realise that my day = ultimate middle-class faux-hippy. Am ridiculous.

Yes, repeat after me: "I am ridiculous"

Don't be silly. course you're not ridiculous! Sounds lovely and am glad it's a nice day in That Lunnon. Tis cloudy down here, but the sun did get to me yesterday, so it's probably a Good Thing.

Mumsnet towers kindly edited the fred title for me so it fits

only thing is it now doesn't say 30s ttc. And I'm too embarrassed to ask them to change it again!

Hmmm, what to do.

cam you are ridiculous(ly lovely)

By the way, plans= large breakfast,garden centre,BBQ. Rock n fuckin roll.

Cam your plans sound lovely and I am slightly . I will mostly pottering around house and garden, collecting yet more tablets from the vets and then working tonight. Bah!

Brilliantly Evil Super Hags is the one I like the best...but it may be the one about the barren wasteland wombness......

Morning, by the way.

Am of DickandDrom's fabby middle-class dream Saturday. If I tried to do yoga in my local park, all the hoody chavs and their pregnant 15 yr old girlfriends would laugh at me and then set their devil dogs on me.

Am not even making a joke. Some yokels locals were getting it on at the bus stop outside last night, as per usual, but cos we had the window open due to the heat, we were 'lucky' enough to hear some bloke drunkenly roaring 'I can't finger yer if you won't pull yer jeans down'. NICE.

I had planned to go for my first shopping trip in over 2 weeks (that's at least 2 years in my world!) but 2 huge puffy painful lumps have come up on my feet! I think it's because I was on virtual bed rest for 10 days and then being on my feet at work was too much for my dainty hoofs*. Gaaah, I hate feeling so weak, wibbly and pathetic. Reminds me of when I first got ill in my early 20s . BlahblahblahMEMEME.

Must go though, cos desperately need a fringe trim. Wow, my life is exciting! I think I'm not getting pg cos my eggs don't want to be turned into a baybee if their life is going to be this dreary

Am sorry I always write these big splurges

BTW, ReadySalted, you're getting warmer

Dainty, my arse*! I'm 5ft4" and a shoe size 6 or 7!
**Sadly, my arse isn't dainty either.

at the fingering.

That's nothing - once, we heard horrible noises outside and rushed to the window to see what it was and it was a couple doing it doggy style stood up at the bus stop. And it the temp outside was below freezing and it was snowing

Was not even the last time we've seen people doing it doggy-style there! And it's a bus stop on a main road, not some little out-of-the-way stop (like that would make it any classier).

Yeurgh. How revolting. I genuinely can't fathom why some people have so little self respect, self-control and all those other "self" phrases.

Oh wow, that is reet classy. I did laugh quite a lot at the fingering line. Were these actual adults? Do they not have homes they can go to?

You lot can fuck off with your perfect Richard Curtis-directed Saturdays. . . I'M AT WORK. My phone doesn't help with 'resentful and fuming' emoticons, so kindly supply your own.

I need to work Heads and am trying to summon up the enthusiasm. I'd rather put it of until tomorrow but am meant to be being social then. Don't really want to be though.

Muse, they were middle-aged (I snuck to the window to look and then regretted it ). We live in the nice bit of an otherwise v rough area. Obviously, we can't stop the riff-raff entering our territory We also once saw a couple trying to shag there and the woman had a leg in plaster! Is indeed wot wise Aries said 'bout self-control, etc.

RIGHT! I must shift my non-dainty arse off the sofa and actually have a shower, even if I don't go to town. Before you shout skank at me, have been waiting for the boiler to heat up a full tank. Yeah, that's the Only Reason why I've not gone in the shower yet