30s TTC. It was the BESHt of times,it was the worst of times, it was the age of rummaging in gussets, drinking gin.....

[ginhag]

C'mon in BESHes to the beach bar...sprawl on comfy sofas while you wiggle your toes in the sand and watch a glorious sunset....and drink brightly coloured cocktails with sparklers in. Cos we're classy,innit.

I've got Adam and joe in as barmen, and we have a rather nice Cave of Gloom in the corner for those 'whyyyyyy meeeeeeee???' moments. We have a reggae sound system playing mob barley's greatest hits. It's a sunshine paradise!

Newcomers welcome,as long as they drag along a bucket of black humour and a vast amount of gin. And please note,some of us have been here so long we have forgotten the real world almost entirely.

Now,who's getting the next round in?

Argh, no to the babydancing..

In other news, I am recently returned from Boots where I was purchasing CBFM pissy sticks. £21 bloody 99! The only reason I didn't get them on Amazon (£16.99) was the fact I am a bit disorganised and didn't order them on time. Won't make that mistake again (hopefully won't have to.)

evening Medee-usa

CBFM? Clear Blue Fertility Moniter? Oui? How do they work then? Are they Ovulation testers or something more technical-like?

In a confusing update, the droid (which you will remember,dear friends arrived several days before advertised) has now dried up and seemingly buggered off. confusing muchos?? I have done gusset rummaging and everything....

If anyone wants me I'm going to be over in the corner snoozing on a sun lounger. I am exhausted today. Went out for lunch, came home and slept for 2 hours. Watched Dr Who and would now like to go back to sleep.

Medee wow, those CBFM are pricey! Hopefully it'll be worth it though.

Oui, LePleindeSel, one pisses on a stick when ever the device tells you to, and then it tells you how fertile you might be. It gives you a peak just before Ov (though doesn't specifically confirm that Ov is happening.)

Tell me about it, LeMusé, my only consolation is that they hold their price on Ebay, so can sell the device once I no longer need it

Definitely soon. Go Medee. Are you going to the docs to enquire about stuff yet, or giving it a bit longer?

Is anyone else watching CDWM? The people seem to be vile, which I guess is fairly normal. And I am feeling very suggestible as the advert for a bacon butty made me want one. Even though I am full of steak burrito.

£21.99!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm starting the think that I should maybe start to think about possibly enlisting the help of technology (and that includes thermometers). The reason I haven't so far is because a) I'm lazy and b) a tightarse poverty-stricken. If and when I even have a Real Baybee I will be rich, you see.

Actually, I rather like Sally in this, she's making me laugh. It's the two other women I'm not so keen on.

Appointment with the GP is Tuesday, Muse. MrM is coming too, which I am pleased about.

I know Aries - I really hoped I wouldn't have to spend that much, it's cheaper on Amazon, but needs must...

My MrM, not your MrM, obviously...

Good that he's going to, I hope it goes well.

Yes, warmest luck Meds. You mean MrMuse isn't going with you? How strange.

Is droid still staying away, salty?

In other news, nothing to report on Sister's Baybee. She has gone into a shell and isn't answering phone. Am assuming No News Is Good News and all that. I am in the No Woman's Land between droid and shagging time. We could do some practice I guess .

I'm going to ask something a bit weird and embarrassing (obviously it's for a friend): it's jizz related. How much (in volume) is a chap supposed to produce? Is there a minimum amount for diffage ? Can dehydration be a factor?

I'm not sure the volume matters, but I'm no expert.

If anyone is keeping a symptom log, I also now have odd stabby pains in my left wombular side. I may have pulled something while Go Apeing.

I've no idea, Arras but you have given me something new to worry about

Yes Muse, I've been wondering. What is this Aping you're on about? Is it some urban thing that I (being a provincial) have no idea about?

In other news, sister has emerged from shell and has phoned. Seems quite chipper actually. Has been to Mothercare to purchase breast pumps etc. Though is at her awful MIL who was told about Situation today and actually asked if they were going to get Baby baptised immediately in case it dies in first days of life. I'm glad I wasn't there. I would have battered her. Seriously

This is Go Ape it's not an urban thing, it's a forest thing. Zip wires and tarzan swings and rope bridges. Lots of fun.

Oh my god. I would have slapped MIL.

That sounds amazing Muse! I adore anything like that. Anything involving ropes, heights, zip wires etc. Where did you do it? Was it a hen do or something?

That sounds amazing Muse! I adore anything like that. Anything involving ropes, heights, zip wires etc. Where did you do it? Was it a hen do or something?

OK, why did that need to be said twice?

I have checked out GoApe though - nearest one Exeter. I'm there!

It was my sister's post-hen do. I've been on another hen do there. I'm scared of heights but it was good fun.

Are you joining in the boarding school trickery on Matron and Mam'zelle Muser?

Go Ape looks good, might plan a go in a few months...

Lyra hope your dad is doing ok

Aries how is your sister?

I have some ovulation wee sticks and a couple of clear blue digital tests going spare if anyone wants them. Let me know.

Hi Bessie, I will snap up your CBDs if you don't mind? Maybe one day I will actually need them...

How many weeks now? How are you feeling?

Dad is feeling much better, but has his first liver scan today, so am on tenterhooks (again). Am expecting bad news Might not get the results til tomorrow though.