30s TTC. It was the BESHt of times,it was the worst of times, it was the age of rummaging in gussets, drinking gin.....

[ginhag]

C'mon in BESHes to the beach bar...sprawl on comfy sofas while you wiggle your toes in the sand and watch a glorious sunset....and drink brightly coloured cocktails with sparklers in. Cos we're classy,innit.

I've got Adam and joe in as barmen, and we have a rather nice Cave of Gloom in the corner for those 'whyyyyyy meeeeeeee???' moments. We have a reggae sound system playing mob barley's greatest hits. It's a sunshine paradise!

Newcomers welcome,as long as they drag along a bucket of black humour and a vast amount of gin. And please note,some of us have been here so long we have forgotten the real world almost entirely.

Now,who's getting the next round in?

hurrah for new wallpaper!

OOOOOO-carinawherethesunshines is good to see you! How's it going? You have been away too long.

socittoem! Where did you go on your hols? Feels like you have been away forever!

tagliatelle woo! Wallpaper! Well done you.

Right, what am I going to do with today? I should go to the gym; I can't be arsed.

How was the wikki-wikki-wild wild west, MarkOccyLupo. (Australian pro surfer. Don't you know him?)

Oxytocin! So glad you're back! Relax, get yer rat aht and apply the lip balm cos Scorps is divin' IN!

slinks in hoping nobody notices....

Don't come near me I am afflicted with stupid earlier than expected stupid bloody period. Did I mention it was stupid? So now I don't know where I am with knowing where to direct the shagging (time-wise I mean, not hole-wise)

Stupid.

Oh, and someone made a comment earlier about Becoming A Parent. Yes, scares the living shit out of me.

Salty - whaddaya mean, you don't know where to direct the shagging? Day 1 of droid is day 1, no matter how long the proceeding cycle was. Or am I misunderstanding you?

preceding - titwankfuckbastards.

Alright hipsters? I have been swinging through trees like a loon today. Went to Go Ape and had a fabby time. I have tree bark in the most unlikely places.

Still no symptoms to spot here. Had lots of lovely cups of tea, no funny tastes. Boobs are a normal size. All is depressingly normal.

Am now off to eat my body weight in tapas and drink much wine. Lovely.

I have just been to Tesco's and "got some beers in for the match". Hell, I might even watch it .

Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Sense and Sensibility on C4! "May I have your permission to ascertain whether or not it is broken?"

Damn my lousy digital signal which only behaves on BBC

I turned over at EXACTLY the right moment - Willoughby looking all smouldering as he rejects Marianne (he's MINE, bitch). TYF got strangely disgruntled at me making animalistic 'phwooooargh' noises and saying things like 'God, you are SO beautiful, Greg!'. But I have it on DVD so forced self to watch summat else (When Romeo Met Juliet - was massive Am Dram Geek in my teens).

After I got sick of S&S hopping and skipping and cheeping around in a deranged fashion (damn crappy digibox), I switched over to R&J. And I actually found myself sobbing . I have such happy memories of that play - we studied it for GCSE and watched the 1968 version (which turns me to absolute mush) and we also went to see an outdoor production at the height of summer in some local stately home gardens. It was full of hormonal, spotty teenagers trying to look cool but secretly trying not to cry.

Never was there a story of more woe
Than this of the BESHes and their...um...

...anyone any suggestions?

Sorry for being downbeat. I shall try and think of something from A Midsummer Night's Dream. Or a happy Austen.

thank you Lyra - yes, yes, I know it is Day 1. But I don't know when I will ovulate. Cycle getting shorter and shorter, and I don't know which half of the cycle is shrinking - so am I ovulating earlier, or is my LP shorter. Does that make sense? I don't know.

Yes, that makes sense. I piped up because I have the same problem. My cycles used to be waaay too long (40-60 days), and have got shorter and shorter to the point where 28 days is a long cycle, and 23 a short one. No two months are the same, so I know where you're coming from.

I guess the only way to know which half of your cycle is shrinking - and I suppose it could be both - is to chart and use a lot of ov sticks. I can't use either of those techniques because I never sleep through the night, so charting wouldn't work, and I have PCOS, so ov sticks don't work (hormones are all fucked up).

Only ov sign I have to go on is the occasional bit of FFJ (known as EWCM outside the Gin Palace). In the absence of other indicators I go for shagging every other day from about day 9 to day 18 or 20. Which a) is v.mechanical and b) has not produced any success so far (9 mths). Would love to hear if anyone has any better ideas.

Wow. A whole post about TTC. Weird.

Weird indeed.

I really don't want to start with charting etc - I also rarely sleep through (which I think will be useful when I eventually do get dffed!!) and I'm scared of becoming even more obsessed!!

OV sticks are quite inaccurate I think? Or perhaps they aren't....

Tis a pain in the ass, no?

Day 22 in the Muser Gusset Watch. Today, there was major blood tinged pant snot on waking. Which appears to have disappeared based on further rummaging. Now she is just going to menkul the rest of the day away and prod her boobs a lot.

Hmmmmmmm. Interesting. And how are the boobs feeling? Any caffeinated beverage updates? How about your sense of smell?

Boobs normal. Sense of smell normal. Drank tea happily yesterday. Got a bit carsick on one journey but fine on journey home. Probably as I'd actually eaten at that point.

Was stupidly teary yesterday evening, but I was exhausted so not uncommon for me to snap in those circumstances. Tube closures reduced me to tears as I couldn't figure out how to get to my destination.

Think that's a sign of my general patheticness rather than anything more exciting.

I am expecting the droid next week. Just don't feel like it's my month.

Waah - now I remember why I don't go outside the Palace. MNer with 3 children is TTC #4 - she's on cycle 2 (that's TWO) and has started a thread saying "it isn't happening as fast as she would like"

Gin, Lyra?

With 3 children already I wonder that she has the time or inclination to SWI...or 'babydance' as I imagine it may be called....

Hang on whilst I get out my tiny violin and play it in her general direction

evening all!