30s TTC - Our BESH GussetWatch Ever, With Guest Star Joe Mangel!

[Scorpette]

Come on in, you raddled old caaaaahs, whotchoo waitin' for?

I've gone for a groovy 60s psychedelic theme, so get your fat upper arms comfy in the hanging globe chairs and hide your mememe shame in the glow of the lava lamps!

Russell Howard is our new bartender, although I don't think he's happy at the flares 'n' kipper tie outfit I've forced him to wear. And of course, Mitchell is in the pit, nervously awaiting his first guest.

Let's make this one diffalicious!

No Aries you are not in trouble, just wanted to pick your cornish brain.

Poor, poor Lozza I know all too well how crushing it is when your cycle acts differently and you really start to think 'this might be it!'. And the guilt for getting up the hopes of 'im indoors too. YOU are not a twat - the droidbastard is. And you have free reign to hate everyone (apart from us!) all day. How dare those thoughtless swines carry on as normal when all your hopes have been dashed. MONSTERS

(I mean that genuinely, not sarcastically. People are gits)

I think the palace could do with a fabulous wardrobe for us all to borrow whenever we're feeling a bit low. Of course, in here, we're all a size 8-10 and a perfect size 5 shoe. So Laurie, you take your pick - how about a groovy pair of Vivienne Westwood courts to wear to work? Or maybe a pair of Jimmy Choos? Whatever your style, the BESH Boutique has something to suit!

Oh Laurie Hope the meeting's not too tedious and provides some distraction, and that you and the boyf get to look after each other this evening.

Muse it's beautiful One of these days I should stop being so lazy and teach myself to knit.

Lorry no, no, no this is not what I ordered! Hope you have a speedy day and get home to boyf & bottle wine asap.

Fucking hospital still hasn't got results of TNB's genetic testing. It has now been pretty much ten weeks. We need to know whether or not he is a mutant.

Trying to post about this has just sent me to the loos at work in hysterical floods of tears, so am going to bugger off and stop being so self-obsessed.

Smooches/comedy violence to all those who need, waves to everyone else.

Cameltoe, that is absolute SHITE It must be shredding your nerves - 10 weeks is a totally unacceptable time to wait, not to mention ridiculous. It's not self-obsessed to expect Docs to do their fucking jobs properly! C'mere!

Oh Camelina you have every right to be self-obsessed. Fucking hospitals - what on earth is taking so long? Would you like a karate chop to the back of the neck, a grope or an enormous hug? Or all three? xxx

FFS Camel, that's ridiculous.

How in God's name can it have taken ten weeks? That is incompetence and selfishness and thoughtlessness of the first order. For fuck's sake.

Pol, I'm also very angry because I just typed a long, interesting and amusing email to you and a fingernail slightly brushed an erroneous key and the whole lot disappeared

Oh Laurie, am welling up for you (blame tiredness as much as emotion). So sorry dear. I know it is the worst feeling in the world. No giving up though. Onward to next month, if you can bear it.

Camel - am raging. Fucking NHS. That is all.

Headbutts to the rest of yez. In process of completing application now. Still feel as if I'm standing with my toes hanging over a cliffedge: not nice. But am reminding myself that it is JUST a form.

Apols for lack of replies to wondrous and supportive emails ... am in a spin, not quite managing to fit everything in, and I am not famed for functioning on three hours' sleep!

Bless you alls.

They did say that testing would be long process - we were given a 6-8 week waiting period - apparently is tricky to count all the genes and make sure that they are in the right places. But I called last week and was told that they'd definitely be back this week and I've been good and patient and I'd like a cookie, pliz.

I dunno. Like Cho, I think this IF crap is actually starting to get to me a bit, and I haven't even started treatment yet.

Tbh, I keep wondering what things would be like if we don't manage to win a baby through IVF. Or how many years it's going to take. And then I panic and run about the place like a headless chicken. Think how nuts I'd be if I wasn't having counselling and acupuncture...

Weirdly, I even miss the 2WOOFL at this point.

TG has just informed me he has bought tickets for us to see Skunk Anansie.

Me: Woo hoo!
TG: Yeah, at the O2 academy, brizzle, Nice venue!
Me: Oh that is great, when is it?
TG: 22 November. Ages away yet.
Me: Um.... Have you forgotten I will be 8 months duffed and size of small house with fat ankles, and therefore not really willing or able to stand in moshpit for a couple of hours getting thrashed by mentals?
TG: Er.... yes. Shall I see if Mark wants to go?
Me: Good plan

Sorry Camel that was v me me me.... and it was not even important. Am I right in thinking you and Cho are having a beshmeet this avo?! I am !

Apparently there is some talk of a BESHup, yah...

It's getting to festival season again - time to plan BESHfest, perhaps? Although we are limited by the inability of the BESH to tolerate ANY FORM of canvas.

I vote Butlins BESHfest, like All Tomorrow's Parties. We could have a room entirely decorated with pictures of Joe Mangel. And a camoflaged hideout where hushed gusset-watch commentary is provided...

What else would we need? Apart from all the booze and many cakes.

PercyPerfect...you've just lured me back into the palace with your talk of BESHfest...LOVE the idea of a BESHtival we could meet somewhere in between...can we have a showing of 'Raising Arizona' please??

Yes, obviously. Am starting to be at the stage of thinking well, they'll never miss one...

Have to produce a Christmassy-sounding tagline by 3 (outs self on MN to entire office). Anyone have any thorts? Anyone?

I want to come to the BESHfest please. Have gin will travel.

application posted.

Will be offline a while now - heading for somewhere with no internets. CREEPY!

A BESHfest? Will it be west of Swindon? Lame hope I know.

Aries luvva your email was a tonic last nite. a veritable cocktail of iron tonic and vitamins. Am now so tired I can't actually see the screen. More from me all round when I'm back from the seaside.

Aries Is London west of Swindon?(joke)

Actually, we do have a lot of West Country BESHes thinks...

Am crawling out of the Pit to put in a bid for a middle of the country BESHfest - maybe Brumfest?

Lorry, I'm so so sorry mate.

Head, go do that thing (I know what it is, ha!)

Gin, been thinking/worrying about you

Scorps, thanks for the half year birthday reminder, beeatch

Poll, love to you and BooTwo

Gotta dash, but I will catch up over the bank hol and bore you all with more tales of woe from LyraLand.

Muser, what a bastard the driod is - some of HBs pain meds (combined with lots of booze, obv) might help the weekend a bit?

Oh bollocks, I missed Humphrey, whom I love. I think she is a paragon of dignity and grace. Hope you get results soon matey.

lyrabird Right back atcha. Hope the bank holiday goes well in LyraLand.

And I haz been thinking about ginlet too. Where the bollocks is she?

Oy! LittleDrommerBoy! Did I say you could climb out of my cleavage? Get back in there, fickle wench!

No need for thanks, Lyra, don't mention it. We are locked together in a near-Hallowe'en battle of impending cronedom. But I don't like to be a stereotypical Scorp and be melodramatic or anyfink How's PapaLyra?

Am loving idea of this year's BESHtival, although my excitement is tinged with sadness that I was there for last year's one and I still haven't won my baybee, despite spending all my money on the hook-a-duck and tombola. Jipped, I wuz, pure jipped! We need to work out the line-up again (please note: The Pixies will be performing. This is non-negotiable).

And yes, where be our GinnyWinny? Missing you, Lover!