Are you (a) tired of ttc (b) have sore ladybits from SWIing ! If this sounds like you then hop aboard.

[Icedlemonmuffin]

Hi have made a new batch of cock tail muffins for those of us who have been trying for along time and

(a) are struggling to get excited by the sight of a cockadoodle running towards every other day of our fertile days !!

(b)have sore ladybits from all the SWIing we have been doing the past few months

and

(c) who just want to moan,groan and bitch how boring it can all get!

All funny sperm killing stories welcome I need a laugh and to know I'm not the only one going insane ttc

So hop aboard and you to can be a bus whore like me !!!!!!!!

Men are wankers sometimes. Take mine taking months just to make a doctors appointments. Shall we run a sweep stake on how long it takes mine to do his sample? I give him 3 weeks. Anyone else?? That is the point we would like them to be "wankers" (pun intended).

Ha! 3 weeks? Took TG 2 months!!

pp I think you should remind your beloved that taking clomid is no walk in the park for you. Many women suffer horrendous hormonal side effects (I may be exagerrating) and that it is his god given duty to do everything he can to help you conceive before you have to start the course. At least then when you are a moody screeching harriden (clomid can Actually bring out the worst of pmt) he can rest assured that he did his best.

I got a load of ewcm this morning whilst wasting another hpt (expected bfn and then work jolly was cancelled - pah). So thought we were on course to continue with swi. Then did a cervix check in the shower (sorry tmi really) and cervix is actually closed. It had been open for the past 4-5 days but wasn't really sure (prob because I was hoping it was closed and I was actually pg). So mayhap I have been fertile since Thursday and must have finally ov'ed yesterday. And body was just expelling leftover ewcm from yesterday? We swi'd Friday-Monday so have given it our very best shot. Dh was even extra horny on Sat morning and I read somewhere on mn that you should always take advantage of your man when he's that way inclined as it means his sperm is extra fertile (please let it be true!).

So will continue swi for a few more days anyway till cervix gets a bit lower and pointier but looks like a 45 day cycle for me this time.

I have invested in a First Response bogof offer at Boots. Hoping to invoke the law of sod.

Digi I thought TG and I had agreed last month to give it our all, as it were, so that we would hopefully not have to go down the clomid route. ?!? Bah.

I had not heard that about 'extra-horny sperm'. By rights then, I should have been up the duff by now as TG was tres horny last month and couldn't keep his hands off me. I am grumpy today and Boo has just pissed on the living carpet. I'd just presented her potty and said it was that time, she promptly screamed, put the potty back in the cloakroom, hid behind my sofa and did it there. Is it too early for booze? If only I wasn't working tonight I'd be tempted...

I was being polite when I said 3 weeks. Think 3 months is more likely.

Maybe investing in some nice underwear will encourage these extra horny sperm.... Mmmm... Bravissimo here I come. Not that I needed an excuse but can say its cheaper than IVF, if we ever get there.

Pol I am scared of potty training but have invested in wooden floors (scared moi?) so if there are any accidents downstairs I should be okay. But not thought about sofas.... Only got one fabric one.

Lou wee and wooden floors are a lethal combination!

Dd didn't bother with potty, unless you count wearing it as a hat, got her a princess toilet seat worked really well. Good luck for when the time comes .

Meant to be swi tonight but dh away don't think this will be my month

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Question re horny men etc.

If the lady in the picture, erm, enjoys herself in the process, does that too increase likelihood of bfp? I have heard this and wondered what you ladies reckon.

Have potty training yet to come, this summer I think. I have STONE floors (so ner ner ner!) but not all through both rooms. Will be locking carpeted space and leaving potties everywhere methinks. Oh, and taking the rug up

Unbuffy I remember watching a Horizon programme years ago, and they put a camera inside a womans foofoo to film the secks. It clearly showed that when we get the big O the cervix dips down and basically hoovers up all the sperm. I'm sure they used a more technical term than 'hoovering' but you get the jist? Or maybe that should be jizz?! Pnar pnar.

So yes, if you come after him then the sperm have less far to swim, which can only help, right?!

I hope your stone floors are treated Unbuffy - ours our not and they soak up moisture! Thankfully Boo hasn't pissed in the kitchen yet, but the bloody dog has.

Oh ffs do I now need to make sure I orgasm everytime we have sex?! DS has the uncanny ability to wake up as soon as dh has finished...

Lalala not listening re potty training. Ds is 18mo and after several failed attempts at sleep training (hence the co-sleeping) I'm in no rush to embark on any other sort of training for at least another 18months.

Digi I don't rely on TH for a big O I use my vibrating friend. If you get one small enough you can use it whilst he's at it and bingo all those little sperm will get hoovered up. Not helped me yet.

hi ladies,

Been ages since i've been on here. Sorry you joined Dec bus lou , Seems I am going for a round britain trip as still no bloody period since January. Actually i'd forgotten until just now that i am still waiting for it, just seems normal now.

Had my bloods done for this clotting disorder today so that should take 3 wks, until then, sex, sex snd more sodding sex.

I AM OFFICIALLY FED UP OF BLOODY SEX!!!!

Tis supposed to be true about the woman orgasm and conception as when the uterus contracts as it does with orgasm it helps the sperm travel faster, has to happen just after the man to be most effective though.

Oh well night on for us so better jump in the shower soon.

Aaarrrrgggghhhh!

Sorry just had to do that, can't do it in rl because people look at you funny! Cycle day 13, dh away and I feel crap and fed up.

Lia ttfc sex is annoying and I really wish I could knock myself and just let him get on with it but I suppose it would be a bit creepy for dh though.

Hi ya all,

Well we've managed SWI on two mornings (go us). Not sure when I'm ovulating as this is the first month off clomid.

I agree it brings out PMT big time plus other not very nice side effects. Shame it hasn't worked for me!

How's it all going? Feel I have many more weeks of SWI before I get a BFN!!!! I feel so down about it all!

I'll happily join in the drink & cakes!
xxx

Ooh Fairy give me all the goss on the clomid. How long were you on it? Have you got DC already, or trying for first? How long were you on it? Sorry for all the questions, please don't feel you have to answer them - I just haven't had the chance to talk to many people who have tried it. I am not looking forward to it but I think it is the only free option for us, as we have DD Boo. Basically the fertility clinic will give me clomid or just write me off - great choice huh?

I am desperate to get up the duff without the help of the bastarding fertility clinic (have voodoo doll of the evil nurse who reduced me to tears within 5 mins during last appt. Bitch!)

Fingers crossed that all our eggs get lucky sperms this month and we never have to have sex again. Least not for a little while... This hypno woman I went to see has a website you can download some CDs specifically for TTC / IVF for a fee and listen to. I thought it was good though did manage to fall asleep listening to it. Was shattered though. PS I don't earn any commission.

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Morning laydeez. Hope you are all well. So TG decided he was horny last night - I think this was AFTER I'd bloody ov'd. FFS! So now the dreaded 2woofling starts...

Lou thanks for that link - I have duly downloaded the CD and will put it on my iPhone so I can listen to it in bed. We did hypno-birthing with Boo and I loved it, so I am really hoping it will help me chill out. What day is your needles appt? Good luck for that, I really hope it helps

Hey Lia I am hating the sex at the mo, and hoping the hypno CD will help get over the ttfc = unenjoyable chore, as I don't really want future child to be conceived during me being bored out of my skull and composing shopping list in head, whilst TG is doing the biz.

Needles is today. Yikes. Should have had my legs waxed.

ooh, weirdness... actually enjoyed It last night. A bit anyway. Which is good, right?? The big/little/any kind of o hasn't put in an appearance since, well, well before dd was born... but almost did!!! Wowie!!!

Perhaps part of deciding that we're not NECCESARILY s with intent. In a kindof 'if it happens it happens' way. We've already got one Christmas baby, see. So in two minds about whether to try to have another. like.

ho hum.

On the stone floors/pottytraining topic, it's quarry tiles so hopefully should be ok...

Good luck with the needles, lou. Idea makes me shudder, urgh, but i'm sure it works and isn't as bad as my overactive imagination makes it out to be!

YEY came on this morning!!!!

a rest then back on the wagon.

woohoo

Hehe, seems wrong to congratulate you on red witch Lia but 'Yay'!!!

thanks polly now I know where I am, am pleased the long wait is over.

Yay to the witch Lia as Polly says tis wrong to congratulate some one on it but at least you can move on.

Anyways back to me!!! Have survived the needles. She said I had a "swollen" tongue and weak kidney pulse. Can anyone translate?? Twas ok and am still in one piece. Though did lie there thinking how are these needles going to help me get duffed. We will see.