Are you (a) tired of ttc (b) have sore ladybits from SWIing ! If this sounds like you then hop aboard.

[Icedlemonmuffin]

Hi have made a new batch of cock tail muffins for those of us who have been trying for along time and

(a) are struggling to get excited by the sight of a cockadoodle running towards every other day of our fertile days !!

(b)have sore ladybits from all the SWIing we have been doing the past few months

and

(c) who just want to moan,groan and bitch how boring it can all get!

All funny sperm killing stories welcome I need a laugh and to know I'm not the only one going insane ttc

So hop aboard and you to can be a bus whore like me !!!!!!!!

Plus Anais (if thats how you spell it)

As long as it wasn't plus anus. I loved Charlie. The perfume not a man as that would be posh. I hope we've not scared sponge away .

Charlie is now the official smell of TTFC anon and if I smell Charlie in the street I will know it's one of us!
I can just see me grabbing some poor random woman screaming are you FairyG or Lou or Lia Or Umbongo or Sponge. That will be the point I get banned from
tesco netto!

PMPL!!!!!!!!
I'm a chic-chav & go to Aldi...the do cheap fab alcopops for a couple of quid!

Don't diss the Aldi. They do some good things!

They scare me at Aldi, have you seen how fast they scan and chuck your shopping at you!

(staggers in with boob tube adrift, one huge gold hoop earring missing and ripped tights)

No still here, just been having a puke fest from drinking too much to celebrate the Bank Holiday. Lambrini of course, as I am feeling posh.

Icedlemon-cd9 1 shag
FairyG-cd9 1 shag
Liahgen-cd4 0 shags (yet)
Loujalou-cd1 0 shags (obviously!!!)
Spongerider - cd16 2 shags (and good uns too)

Not sure what's going on here, OPK's are shrugging their shoulders and looking confused at me. Have actually been crying this morning - another baby born to a friend over the weekend (she started TTC more than a fucking year after me!)and other mate rabbiting on about which birthing centre she is going to use. Pass the Lambert & Butler's someone.

Argh thought that RTOD had arrived due to spotting but not yet. Think it will be today though. Then I can count down to shag month. Have told TH we should shag every other day he seemed well up for it. Whether it will happen is another thing.

Sponge that is shit. I understand the tears. I keep having them too. How long have you been trying? At least you are still having fun with the shagging. [Passes over Lambrini mixed with something stronger]

Anyways this month apart from shagging til me bits are sore I am also going to ditch the thermometer and maybe even the OPKs. Think I might look at CM but that's it I tell you. Does anyone have a straight jacket?

Wow Sponge love your outfit! You are in the shag watch lead, I might catch you up tonight if dh gets over his grump! Some days I'm ok with baby talk other days I just want to punch myself in the head so I can't hear them anymore and then I go and cry.

Lou tell RTD to stop pissing about and make it's mind up, hopefully it will stay away.

Hello Ladies can i join, this thread sounds like my kind of thread

I'm also on the clomid thread (waves to fairy) I've been lurking on this one and you lot do make me laugh.

The red river arrived on Saturday after a 40day cycle, was really getting my hopes up that i was pg but then boom the bitch arrived. Why does my body produce pg symptoms which aren't even real
Anyway we've been ttfc for 20 months now and will be starting iui next month, this is the last month of me pestering dp for some of his lovely swimmers and then i will have 3 months off hopefully the 3 months of iui will work, can't bear the thought of having to seduce dp at the right time every month just so i can win my prize (a baby) can't wait for the day when i can start enjoying sex for fun again

Sorry for rambling, i've brought with me a couple of jugs of tequila sunrises and some shots of apple sours

I think RTOD has listened to IceIceBaby. Well onwards and upwards.

Sorry Lou come and shoplift down at the spar with me to cheer yourself up!

Wassup Ladybird and welcome to our girl gang, boob tube, glittery thong and jeggings (day time) short,tight skirt (night time) are essential. Boo to ttfc for so long, but fingers crossed for iui. Just need your stats for shag watch.
Icedlemon-cd10 1 shag
FairyG-cd10 1 shag
Liahgen-cd4 0 shags (yet)
Loujalou-cd1 0 shags (obviously!!!)
Sponge-cd16 2 shags (and good ones!)

Lady you are welcome to join us. You sould like you might just fit in here. Well that is if your skirt is short enough and your thong sparkly. [Passes over some WKD and Hooch].

Tequila Sunrises. Yummy. When I was a student I used to drink Long Island Ice Tea as that was the most alcoholic content with the cheapest price. Classy.... They were yuck too.

Lou I was a bit more easy, used to drink whatever they were buying, my only request was a straw so I could get drunk quicker! God I hate my dd to be like I was in my teenage years.

Thankyou for the welcome, i'm sure i will fit in just nicely here, my skirt barely covers my white bum (the rest of my body is orange but ran out of fake tan) and my pink thong has little miss naughy on the front, i've got my kappa trainers on and my favourite white playboy vest top which is more of chewing gum grey colour. Once the dole money comes through i'll be down the market to buy another one.

Ok my stats for shag watch, don't plan on having many this month but we shall see. I'm quite a competitive person so will try harder -

Icedlemon-cd10 1 shag
FairyG-cd10 1 shag
Liahgen-cd4 0 shags (yet)(
Loujalou-cd1 0 shags (obviously!!!)
Sponge-cd16 2 shags (and good ones!)
LadyBird -cd3 0 shags (due to red river)

Our other halves will not know what has hit them......

My other half keeps running the other way maybe I'll tell him about shag watch and shame him in to jumping on board! Some months he loves it and some months he says he feels like a cock on legs!!!

I want to win shagwatch, I want to win shagwatch I'm never usually so competitive but I WANT TO WIN SHAGWATCH. I have been listening to N -Dubz while doing my house work think they have pushed me over the edge na na naaaa

My dp has told me quite a few times that i only want him for his swimmers, true but i don't admit that to him Cock on legs sounds about right
I never tell dp anything abaout fertile times as he told me that it puts to much pressure on him to perform....He gets stage fright lol

We're going abroad at the weekend for a week so hopefully i will manage to get a few shags in then.

OK Lou pop yourself over here and I'll lace you in good and tight into your nice white jacket with the extra long sleeves...

Been trying ulp....2 years now.

Welcome Ladybird! You and me seem to be about the same sort of stage - I'm on my final month (6) of the joy that is clomid. I'm next up for IUI too so I agree it will be nice in a way to have the timed sex aspect removed from the equation. I'm going on holiday before then so I'll probably just "relax and get pregnant instantly"! as told to me by all the well meaning friends.

Aww Sponge. you are entitled to a large bottle of lambrisco from Iceland!!! I think we all know how you feel. Are you trying to conceive #1? I am & it feels like it'll be just me & DH forever!

Hey Lady [waves back] have you brought your chav-chic with you?

Ooh we ain t been bingo in ages - dazza will def enjoy free Thursday nights down gala 7 we can pop into the park after for a celebratory shag after our big win!

Drinking my southern comfort & lemonade from a can...ooh I exotic!

Everyone keeps telling me to relax. Arghhh. Makes me really relaxed honest. No violent tendencies come out when people tell me to relax. I just wanna whack people with my bottle of hooch.

Thanks for the straight jacket I need it tightening though. We shouldn't't tell lia about straight jacket she might have one in her secret drawer.

Lou I always feel a lot more relaxed when I batter them bloody idiots over the head with a bottle of hooch. Then when they are on the floor I stamp on them and then drink my hooch!!!

If it was as easy as just relaxing then we all would be up the duff and happy aarrgghhhhhhh they really annoy me especially my mom 'I had eight and it just happened for me'.

Well sent my dh a text and booked him for tonight so hopefully tommorow I can change my shagwatch status

lou pass me that hooch would you, what are these good people gonn athink of me if I had a straight jacket in my drawer stuffs jacket to back of wardrobe

so RTD gone now, here we go again, am completely sick of shagging, when I get pregnant, am gonna have 9 mths off. He'll have to make do with quick hand jobs, maybe the odd bj if it doesn't make me gag and the rest of the time he can sort himself out.

Might get me new outfit out tonight cos my playboy top is looking decidely chewing gum coloured too.

Black plastic leather look with some lots bits missing

Oh yeah girls that's it, we are obviously not relaxing properly, that's all you have to do, It's easy

Ok, rant over, must be in good mood when dh gets home from work, will prise his laptop from him and even cook him nice food

Have good day all.

Hey ladies - you all sound a bit stressed - perhaps you need to relax more? Oh and I knew someone who tried for 40 years to have kids and then they gave up and next month she had triplets. Oh and we don't want children anyway, apparently they wake you up at night and mean you can't ever go on holiday again or go out for the night/wear nice clothes etc etc. Oh and one more thing - have fun "trying" wink wink (said in a nauseating voice).

Ah yes - I'll have lots of lovely fun shagging on demand when I'm not in the mood for the 24th month in a row only to be disappointed at the end of the month yet again. What could be more fun?

How's about that then guys and gals for a rant! Can you tell I'm feeling a bit feisty today?

Yep still on number one here fairy. Any update on shagwatch Iced?