9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

@FlyOnTheWall89 you're not out until AF shows so don't lose all hope just yet. Although I know how it feels when you get that BFN - that's why I don't tend to POAS.

Yes I'm SO hoping someone gets a positive this cycle as we haven't had much success yet!

Does anyone else use OPKs, not the digital ones? I got this morning and can't decipher if it's positive or not? I am guessing maybe not quite?

@BritInNZ I'm no expert I'd say not quite peak but not far off so I would make sure you are BDing from now!

@tryingforbabyh thank you! That lines up with my usual ovulation which is around CD17 so only a couple of days away 😊 Wasn't sure if the vaccine would have thrown that too!

@BritInNZ We have a Frenchie called Pearl and she’s 2 in March....almost as if we have the same life plans haha. Me too, I did not want a dog but the second we got her I fell in love and she is the love of my....poor OH 😂😂. Here she is (never posted a pic before so hoping you can see her).

Where are you in your cycle for this month and how are you doing? I so want someone here to have a Christmas BFP!

@Carla2601 ahhh she's so cute and love the name!! Hahaha we're so in sync with our life milestones aren't we 😂 have you tried Pearl with babies? Ralph LOVES them, maybe a bit too much. Our friends baby got more than he bargained for with a few snogs and ear clean outs 😂

I'm CD15, so ovulation due any time between tomorrow and Thursday! How about you? I'm doing okay, have my moments still - yesterday was a quiet day at home and that means TTC can creep into my mind and take me down a Google rabbit hole. I would so love a BFP before Christmas but it's feeling less and less likely. After this cycle I only have one more full cycle until we see the fertility specialist (I really wanted to be able to cancel the appointment 😭). How are you feeling?

@Tinkerbell098 that looks great, I think I take all of that but in 7 different supplements! One drink would be a lot easier I imagine, need to look into it.

@Hopefullywaiting01234 oh you're Glasgow too that's good to know! Don't know where he was to go actually, think it was QEUH though.

@BritInNZ your weekend sounds lovely. The person announcing knows I was trying in March (was stupidly not that fussy about who I told back then as I thought it would just be a few months) but I've not physically seen her since summer or talked about TTC. She's very nice so maybe it won't be as bad as I think but it's given me so much dread.

Re soy iso - I came across it on a few TTC forums referred to as "natures clomid" and I got a bit obsessed after finding this thread: community.babycentre.co.uk/post/a12154345/bfps-with-soy-isoflavones (there's lots of people with BFPs who were TTC for several months like us or longer). But there's no actual scientific evidence that it helps. For me I have long cycles and it's supposed to bring ovulation forward a few days and apparently helps you conceive and I'm just desperate at this point. My ovulation is generally day 21. The cycle before I started soy i ovulated on day 25 (nightmare!). Last cycle I took the soy and ovulated on day 18 - so much better! My temps also stayed elevated until I got my period and my LP 14 days (normally only 12) so all good although no BFP. I'm trying again this cycle.

On the OPK - this is why I go with the clear blue ones as it's so hard to tell isn't it? I would have said that was positive but I guess keep doing them and compare? If they get lighter I would assume that's your positive? Meantime get at it!

Also love the dog pics!

@kmbegs hopefully he won’t need to go and you will get that BFP beforehand. I am not really sure or what help I can get anyway if there is a problem although the nurse who took my bloods said there was a “a lot” of other stuff they would try before it ever got to IVF stage and “just to enjoy the sex” - I didn’t say anything but felt like saying would you enjoy timed sex every 2 days for the past 10 months no matter how you are feeling as you are scared to miss the fertile window!! Rude

@BritInNZ yes I usually don’t but I think it’s best to manage expectations because otherwise I’m so witchy when AF shows up… maybe this will help … and DP is away on business most of the week so wanted to know before he leaves. Urgh. It’s so deflating.

I’ve not seen anything about this soy iso - will give it a read @kmbegs - thanks for sharing. I’m worried about tampering with ovulation. I usually get a static smiley on my CB on day 17 so presume I O on CD18. I would love my cycle to just be a bit shorted in general as 32 days feels so long. Anyway, will give it a read. Now I’m finally Covid free, I’ll be booking a blood test this week.

Xxx

@Hopefullywaiting01234 "just enjoy the sex" OH MY GOD!!! She's clearly never struggled to conceive! We've only got one shot before his SA would be so hard to imagine he won't be going but fingers crossed (for us all).

@FlyOnTheWall89 if you ovulate on day 18 that's pretty good (well by my standards!). For me especially the longer cycles like 25 days I find brutal because you don't know which cycles will be short or long so we make sure to be having v regular sex from day 12 and if it doesn't happen until day 25 we are just tired and miserable! I always like to keep going a few days after ovulation as well to make sure we don't stop too soon so it's just too much and I'm willing to take a bit of risk to bring it forward. Like I say no proper evidence but lots of people seem to swear by it and I'll try anything right now.

But if nothing else that thread I sent is full of people who have been trying 10 months or more (sometimes years) and getting their BFP so I find it reassuring to read.

@BritInNZ and @Carla2601 fellow dog mums! I've got a lovely German Shepherd who is turning 2 in Feb (picture attached, not sure if you can see). I enjoyed seeing your fur babies' pictures. Made my day :)
@kmbegs it was just one cycle I tried Conceive max for so can't really comment on how effective it is. Although if you're taking the same ingredients but separately, might be worth looking into it. I was also looking into Soy isoflavones you mentioned and may give it a go. Where did you get these from?

@Tinkerbell098 love the pic. It's honestly so nice seeing these, can everyone attach a pic of their dog with every post?! (I would if I had one).

Re soy iso - I feel bad 'recommending' as like I said no evidence but if you're as desperate as me then why not. Apparently the risk is you could 'mess up' your cycle but I've never seen anyone say that on any of the many many forums I've scoured for info. I just got mine from Amazon. One thing to watch is the % extract so for me my tablets are 100mg but 80%, so I'm basically getting 80mg per tablet. I'll also attach photos of the info I screenshotted for dosage. Sorry if the order is wrong.

Anyone reading those photos start at the last one! Sorry didn't know how to fix that.

Sorry for all these messages but if it helps I do days 3-7 and took 160mg each day last cycle. This cycle I did 160 days 3, 4 and 5, then 200 day 6 and 7.

@kmbegs thanks for all the information. I think at this point I’d try anything! It’ll have to be from next cycle though as too late for this one. I’ll keep you updated.

@Tinkerbell098 ah cute doggo! Sometimes I think Ralphie is the only thing that keeps me going through the shit storm of TTC 😂

I've got such bad ovulation pains today, makes me feel like I need the toilet! Ever wonder what you thought that stuff was before TTC? Before you knew about ovulation and cervical mucus? 😂 interesting that I have such bad pains as I still don't think my OPK is positive, but I really know my body and I think my temp will rise tomorrow or the next day.

DH is away tonight for work which is kinda annoying with lining up with ovulation but oh well. I feel like this month has been way more chilled and less forced with DTD, which can only be a good thing!

@kmbegs really useful, thanks for sharing.

@BritInNZ no clue what I filled all this brain capacity with lol

@FlyonTheWall89 sorry that you are/were feeling deflated and for the BFN. I know the feeling too well, and it just sucks. Glad you are now covid free and good luck with tests. I usually ovulate around CD18 as well :)

Awh at all your doggies! I don't have any cute pets to show off I'm afraid.

@BritInNZ that OPK looks positive to me, but then I'm always a bit unsure - it's definitely at least as dark as the control imo. I know what you mean about what did we think before ttc - I would have hard non-BC periods for like 11 years and yet I had zero concept of how long my cycles were/whether they were regular etc, and definitely knew absolutely nothing about all this. Then on BC for 8yearrs and thought even less about it (although lol at the 'pregnancy scares' I had when I occasionally missed a pill - clearly I had nothing to be worried about).

Was driving with a friend yesterday and thought I must have bored her silly with all my fertility chat/all the sciency things I've learnt but she was actually really interested and said it was useful as she'll be trying in the future and no one ever talks about all this.

@kmbegs thanks for info on soya isoflavones - don't think I'm gonna add these in yet as I've just started on all the ISWTE supplements but maybe if it's still not happening in a few months!

I have a good feeling that we will have BFPs on this thread soon. Not meaning to belittle/dismiss anyones journey, but I think a few people are several months short of a year - which I know still feels like an eternity but the positive side is that you may still very well be within that 80% of couples who conceive within a year. I'm feeling hopeful (for others more than myself for some reason but we'll see!)

*had (not hard!)

@Aubyone yes I was wondering if it was positive but then yesterday's and today's both look similar to me 😂 I used the digital ones before but never got a solid smiley so thought I'd try these instead this month. Will use another tomorrow and see if it's weaker - in which case I know one of them was peak!

It's crazy isn't it! My GP put me on BC at 15 due to bad periods. Whenever I missed a pill I'd have a mad panic 😂 now I laugh about the old me! I can't wait to have brain capacity back again once we get a BFP - although I suspect I'd then be obsessed with baby planning!

That's good that your friend listened to you and found it interesting. I have a friend who I'm actively avoiding at the moment. I love her but she's very selfish and knows I'm having a shit time but will still never ask how I am or how things are going. I'd prefer people ask me and show an interest than never mention it. It makes me feel like they don't care about what I'm going through. She's 4 years older than me and won't be trying until she's 34, so I know she'd want my support in the future so it infuriates me that she's not more supportive of me.

I hope your inkling on the BFPs is true! I mean, surely statistically, we're about due a BFP by now?! I'm feeling more positive today, actually this whole cycle hasn't been too dismal. But I won't hold my breath! I always feel more positive for others than me. I think when you get a negative every month you honestly cannot image getting a positive, although there's literally only 4 weeks between two completely different outcomes!

Yep so definitely peaked yesterday or the day before (in order today to two days ago) but temp hasn't risen yet.

I actually love this science-y stuff and getting to know my body. Just wish it would do what I want it to and get pregnant 😂

Photos post in a weird order - first photo two days ago, second yesterday and third today.

@BritInNZ I wonder if you are one of the people who have a really brief peak LH and that's why you didn't get the solid smiley with CB OPKs and why it's hard to tell on other ones. But the lines look so dark it def must be a surge, just not 100% clear which is the peak.

And I agree re BFP, surely someone needs to get one soon?! But it's hard to feel like it'll be yourself when you've seen sooo many BFNs (as in hard to imagine it'll be me but I imagine other people feel the same). Sometimes I think of what Einstein said - that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Hard not to feel like it's insane to still think next month will be different.

@BritInNZ thos OPKs are really dark, so must have been peaks, although not sure which one is the peak. Did you do the CB OKs with FMU or around midday after about a 3 hour hold? I've heard that LH surges around midday so if you have a brief surge, might be worth testing around then?

@kmbegs yes I completely agree, after so many months of trying, I don't feel like this month is going to be any different. I just know in my heart that there must be something wrong and just need help to investigate it. But then you hear success stories of how people have conceived naturally after years of trying, which gives us all hope.

Okay so I think yesterday was ovulation day as my temp is now up. I forced myself on DH last night as our final attempt 😂 it's actually the only time DTD has felt forced this month which is good!

My boobs are already sore 😩 does anyone else get sore boobs right from ovulation to AF? They constantly sore and then it becomes pretty unbearable from a couple of days before AF. Last month I didn't have any pain which was REALLY unusual!

How's everyone else doing this week? My excitement this week was getting double glazing 😂 NZ is so behind with warm homes and I have never been so excited #adulting 😂

@Tinkerbell098 @kmbegs fingers crossed it's one of our months this month! Where are you in your cycle? Anyone else in the TWW?

@BritInNZ weirdly I never used to get sore boobs at all but the past year I have got sore boobs with ovulation and then it tends to die off a few days before AF and that’s another reason I know it hasn’t worked. Do you think they would remain sore if pregnant or it would ease anyways - who knows I suppose. I phoned the docs today as I had another pregnancy announcement yesterday and they are going to write to the gynaecology department and seem further advice on testing, so at least we have progress! Can’t believe it has came to this

Hopefully this is your month 🤞🏼