9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

Can I ask - anyone who is taking the ISWTE supplements, has anyone noticed a change in their cycle? That's me been on the supplements one month and my period has been quite different this time. I normally get spotting from about 10DPO and period on day 13DPO. This month I had zero bleeding until 13DPO and no period until 15DPO. That's unheard of for me. And also (sorry for TMI) but my period is always really light. This time it feels like a really good healthy flow. I just wondered if it was the supplements as (I'm still spotting which isn't great) but no bleeding until 13DPO feels like improvement and a better flowing period. Just wondered if anyone else noticed anything?

Ahh @kmbegs I'm sorry your husband is having to wait til Jan for SA - I have heard that's the case in some places, I have no idea how we've got so lucky here. I feel a bit guilty saying how quickly I'm getting these tests, hope it's not too frustrating for others to hear, I realise I am very lucky. So far it's been NHS as well, clearly we either have less couples in this situ in my area or have more capacity - this clinic is attached to a university hospital so perhaps that's it.

No experience re period changes on ISTWE supplements as I've been taking for less than a week lol but that all sounds good and positive!

In case of use to anyone having this in future, I just booked my ultrasound and HSG for next cycle. She said it needed to be between end of bleed at ovulation (will be CD6 for me I think) and I was surprised when she said for the remainder of that cycle we needed to have protected sex. Not sure why, but that works out well for my intention to have Dec off anyway but otherwise that would have been frustrating. She said to take 2 paracetamol 30mins before and that I need to have a chlymedia test before and send through results.

@kmbegs it's only my first full cycle taking the full list of supps so can't comment yet but that sounds positive!

Loving all the info of HSG. Im planning to have one after my fertility appointment in January but suspect there will be a couple of months waiting list over here (you have to have LOADS of patience with NZ healthcare!). As it will take about 18 months for investigation op, thought I might as well do that while I wait to rule out blocked tubes.

@Aubyone please don't feel guilty, it's great it's happening quickly for you. January sounds so far away but his appointment is in 7 weeks so it's not so bad.

Very jealous of your HSG but that's crazy that you have to have protected sex for the rest of the cycle. I wonder if everyone sticks to that...I would find it very difficult. Like @BritInNZ my plan was to get one in the new year if still no BFP but I'm wondering if I should try to get it booked in now if there will be months to wait even if you go private. Although I'm not at the point where I feel like I could mentally skip a month of TTC so maybe best to wait a little while.

@kmbegs I think I still need to have a referral for a HSG even though I have to pay for it 😑 so will speak to fertility specialist in January and he can refer me if he thinks it's appropriate (hopefully!). At this stage I'm willing to try anything 😂 we're putting our house on the market in Feb to move to be closer to my husbands mum (the hope was she could help with childcare etc) but at this stage it feels like we're moving for no reason 😂 plus it's going to be mega stressful so I'm worried that will impact fertility too. Not to mention the cost of it all when we're going to have to pay for extra fertility stuff!

@BritInNZ I'm the same, fingers crossed you get referred. I don't think you need a referral here if you go private but who knows.

On your move, if it's only for childcare you could always leave it for now, although it might be a good distraction? Moving is always stressful though isn't it? And you're right it's expensive. Maybe see how you feel in February, maybe you'll have your BFP by then!

I love NZ by the way, spent two weeks in 2015 driving from Auckland down to queenstown then finished at Christchurch. Was incredible, best holiday I ever had. It's just so far away!

@kmbegs no there's a variety of reasons - the main one is lifestyle for family etc, but also the weather in Wellington is shocker and it's super expensive too. Can get more for our money in Christchurch 😊

Yes it's expensive and I'm already stressed by the thought of it, just need to take it a day at a time. Although someone quite rightly said that women get pregnant in war zones so I'm sure I could still get pregnant just moving cities!

NZ is great! But like you say, soooo far away! I haven't left since I got here in 2019 because of that little thing called COVID 😂 it has been good though because it meant I had to battle through any homesick and couldn't get horrifically homesick by going back for a visit! I've moved 3 times, got engaged, bought a house, got a dog AND got married since I saw my family and friends last!

@BritInNZ wow you have had such a busy couple of years! If you can do all of that, during Covid, without your family and brit friends there, you can do anything. Seriously, that's a lot of big life stuff, you will absolutely be able to manage whatever ttc throws at you (hopefully just a BFP and a smooth pregnancy!). I think as much as some people say about stress impacting fertility, like you say, I think when scientists talk about stress they mean serious, traumatic, war zone like stress (and like you day even then women get pregnant). Not to say the types of stresses we experience are not serious (I've been on medication for 'stress' related anxiety for years) but please don't let us worry that our worry is impacting our fertility - we've got enough else to worry about!

Also guys think I got it wrong - I am having a HyCoSy rather than a HSG, but from the look of it they are essentially the same, just first one is with ultrasound and latter is Xray. Think it's pretty much the same. Hoping it's not toon painful!

@kmbegs urgh that’s so frustrating! Where are you based? My husband had his last Friday, they did say they results could take two weeks but he just went to the doctors, brought a pot home and was given an hour window to get it to the right hospital....sprinting up the tube escalator with that in his pocket cheered me right up 😂😂😂. I haven’t taken those supplements sorry so I’m not sure.

@Aubyone that sounds great and speedier progress through appointments than I would have imagined too - so glad you’ve had some positive appointments and a bit of a plan

@LittleMysSister I’m so pleased you’ve had your results come through and that sounds positive and I really hope you get a ‘normal’ cycle for you this time around

Hope you’ve all got lovely weekend plans x

@BritInNZ ah okay. I was only in Wellington one night but the weather was crazy. I loved it though, but Christchurch is also amazing. I can't believe you've been through so much since moving there. Also agree on stress, and there's nothing you can do about it anyway so I tell myself best not to add on being stressed about being stressed!

@Carla2601 I'm in Scotland where about are you? It's funny because my husband spoke to the GP and he said the GP made it sound like he would do what your husband did - just do his business then pop it up to a local hospital. He even waited until after my last fertile period to call to book it in because we didn't want to waste the fertile period and didn't think there would be any delay. Anyway it is what it is. He is now really really keen to get it done and willing to pay but no one will take him. I'm not sure why but after our last cycle failed he seems convinced he is the problem. Which I don't really get - it could be either of us! But he is desperate to get tested.

How is everyone getting on? I'm on day 3 and back taking soy isoflavones (?) that I did last cycle too. It could be coincidence but I did ovulate earlier and had a better LP so no harm keeping trying them for another month.

@kmbegs I've started taking Proceive max at the start of this cycle and this has made my cycles shorter this month (I'm 3 days early, which is very new to me!). So I think different supplements must affect the cycle length/flow in different ways? I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing to be honest. How long have you been taking the new supplements?

Can I join in? This is my first time posting on any of these boards! I have been ttc since Feb this year and I am thoroughly sick of it, I never thought it would be so hard. I am expecting AF tonight or tomorrow and I just feel miserable around this time, I can’t concentrate at work just waiting for it to arrive and be another month down 😞

I have mostly gave up on the vitamins as they didn’t make any difference and literally everyone I know is pregnant. I can’t even face going for lunch with my friends incase another announcement is sprung upon me! Sorry for the long post just wanted to get that off my chest xx

@kmbegs we’re in London. So frustrating when he’s so keen but it’ll come around in no time.

Also, my doctors have really helpfully decided to give me my blood test results without actually looking at them. Based on my basic deduction skills I think they’re normal but I’d love a view point as I’ll now have to wait till Monday.

These are the day three ones:

Progesterone:

@Hopefullywaiting01234 welcome - you found a very good place to vent. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. It sucks and we all know just how you’re feeling. This is a lovely group of kindred spirits so hopefully we can lift your spirits a bit x

@Hopefullywaiting01234 sorry you're feeling down. I have also been trying since February so I know how you feel. Have you reached out to a GP yet or will you wait until the New Year? I had some basic blood tests done and husband had SA and all was normal which helped put my mind at ease.

@Aubyone thank you! Yes it's been a crazy couple of years but my husband is amazing so I could live anywhere and it would feel like home. Yes absolutely - if you stress about stressing it only makes it worse! I went down an anxiety rabbit hole last night but I've got a spa day today and I cannot wait! Will be so nice to switch off and relax - especially as it's fertile week this week! I forgot to use my ovulation stick this morning, oops 😂 I honestly have the memory of a sieve!

@BritInNZ a spa day sounds amazing!!! Enjoy. I might book a massage for tomorrow you’ve inspired me 😂

@Carla2601 - thank you, this is my first time writing on MN so I’m not even really sure how to reply

@BritInNZ - Yes I had my day 21 bloods taken a few months ago at around 6 months. The first month was inconclusive and the second month suggested I definitely ovulated so they told me just to return at the year mark if no success. My husband went for his SA about 10 days ago so we are just waiting to hear about that.

I actually have a 5 year old (same partner) and he was conceived immediately; but I just had an awful feeling when we started ttc again and my periods have became shorter. I was very stressed from the onset my husband and mum/sister who both know seem to think it’s my stress that is causing the issues with my periods. It really is just a vicious circle.

@kmbegs - sorry to jump in but I am also in Scotland and when my husband phoned up to book the SA he also had to wait around 2 months. I couldn’t believe it I thought he would just go up the next week.

@Tinkerbell098 can I ask what proceive is? Haven't heard of that one. I've been on these supplements for one month now, so not that long, I'm probably just being optimistic that they'll change things for the better when it could just be a fluke!

@Hopefullywaiting01234 welcome to the group! I've been TTC since March so similar. I also have a child already who was also conceived without much fuss. And I know exactly what you mean about friends - I actually organised a meal and drinks with a group of friends next week to distract myself from all this but another friend who knows I'm struggling called me yesterday to warn me there's going to be a pregnancy announcement at the meal. I'm glad I at least had warning but what was supposed to be a nice distraction has turned into something I'm dreading. Also can I ask where in Scotland you are? No need to answer if you'd rather not but I'm Glasgow.

@Carla2601 I looked at your results against the medichecks guidance I was given for my tests and these all look normal although I don't have results for ferritin. Glad the docs have been helpful! Hopefully that's a step in the right direction.

@kmbegs it’s a supplement I’ve come across and have read about which is tailored for women over 35 or ttc for over a year:

www.boots.com/proceive-max-women---30-sachets-10256641

It’s quite pricey so was only going to try for about three months. It’s got CoQ10 which is meant to improve egg quality.

@kmbegs - oh god I feel for you but at least you have some warning. I’ve been in tears twice recently due to someone (who knew) springing an announcement on me and then someone who didn’t know sending me a scan picture. I was even shocked at how upset I was.

I’m also Glasgow, it was Gartnavel he had to go for the SA? Everything seems to take so long 😞

My mini spa day was lovely but I asked for firm pressure on my massage and it made my eyes water so not sure how relaxing it was 😂 then did homemade pizzas and watched a movie last night, so it's been a good weekend for taking my mind off it all!

How's everyone's weekend going?

@Hopefullywaiting01234 hope you get the SA results soon and it's all okay! It's good news that you already have one child together though. Perhaps it's just taking a bit longer this time around.

@kmbegs ah that doesn't sound like much fun for you! Does the person announcing know you've been trying? I had a friend who was trying for 10 months and asked anyone to send her a message if they were going to announce a pregnancy so she could deal with it beforehand. I didn't understand at the time but now I do. Although I think however I found out would be pretty devastating. I just saw you mentioned soy isoflavones. What do they do exactly? Have never read anything about them. I currently take: daily multivitamin, ubiquinol, d3, folic acid, vitamin C and then either EPO or omega 3 depending on my CD. My husband laughs at me whenever I take them - there's 7 pills in total 😂

@Carla2601 sorry I have no idea what your test results mean. I never even got my test results - was just told I'd ovulated and everything was fine 😂 if it was my GP I'd have asked for more info but as it was the specialist I trust his interpretation.

@kmbegs thank you you’re an angel....there was no info with mine, I’d looked on doctor google and thought they were right but thank you so much you’ve made me feel a lot better. They gave them to me on Wednesday and I haven’t been able to get in touch with them since (so had obvs convinced myself they were too scared to tell me they were terrible....I know that’s not how it works but I couldn’t help myself!). Sorry the lunch has been somewhat derailed, my husband has gone to see his best friend and his wife who just had baby number 2 and i asked him to make my excuses but appreciate you don’t want to do that when it’s with your friends.

@BritInNZ haha often the way with a massage....us too we watched the new bond and ate all the snacks plus it meant we didn’t have to leave the pup to go the cinema so that made me happy. Did you say you have a dog too? What do you have?

@Carla2601 yes we have a gorgeous cockapoo called Ralphie. He's 2 in February and I love him to bits. We have already said if we can't have kids we'll get another dog 😂 Attached the most recent cute pic I have (I have a million pup pics but it's not the same when they're adults 😂). What pup do you have? How old?

12 DPO guys and a BFN. Urgh so deflated. Just honestly feels so unfair and like it will never happen.

Haven’t managed to fully catch up on this thread but v cute dog @BritInNZ

Really keeping my fingers crossed for someone on this thread to get their BFP ASAP to keep all our spirits up xxx